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Post by putter65 on Dec 9, 2010 13:09:56 GMT -5
If there is one thing I'm bitter about his that no woman has ever liked me. Not one !
From the ages of 16 to 42, there must have been hundreds of women I have liked. None have liked me back. Not even a first date with any of them. What I don't understand is ; I look so much different now, I act different, my life is different yet I get the same result. NO !
Out of all the women, I asked some out, most I did not. Most I just realized that they weren't interested. Some I told, others I kept quiet.
I just wish I had the chance with one of them. I think when that happens my confidence would grow. You need success to gain confidence. I can never gain confidence because nothing ever good happens.
And I mean girlfriends here. I have had a few female friends over the years. Usually either co workers or friends of friends.
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Post by therockobama on Dec 9, 2010 20:16:44 GMT -5
You need success to gain confidence. I can never gain confidence because nothing ever good happens. A fine point made there. Through my three years at Uni, in my last two years, I came across a girl who I felt I was in love with. She simply was the bomb! Everything I wanted in a woman but my shyness prevented me from making a move although we did have some interactions here and there (anybody else think the best of even a small thing happening with a girl?!). Anyways, I never got the chance to drop a hint or see if she felt the same way as we did have some looks here and there. I heard she was spoken for but I still dream about her. Hoping that something will happen but I'm just deluding myself as I never see her these days. But back on point, I do think the strength and love of a woman could have made more confident and less shy.
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Post by putter65 on Dec 10, 2010 11:58:42 GMT -5
My current crush is a lovely woman. And more importantly she is very nice to me. Obviously I haven't told her yet directly but I think she must know. She is buying me a xmas present and I am buying her one. (It came about because of us teasing each other about xmas presents. She then informed me she had bought me something. I was taken aback to be honest. )
I just think it's great I can buy her something special and I can treat her. It's not something I've ever done before. She could have told me not to bother but she didn't. I am a bit worried how she will react though.
The crushes in the past have all been horrible. When I was 18 to 24, women used to laugh at me. The last big crush I had, 10 years ago; she used to be horrible to me. I used to say 'hi' to her and she would say 'hi' back in the most miserable voice she could. Or she would ignore me and flirt with every guy she could.
I could just enjoy what I have here. This little relationship if you can call it that. My dream would be to go out with her for a meal. That would be amazing !
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Post by therockobama on Dec 10, 2010 13:02:23 GMT -5
Just get her a nice and thoughtful present, a funny card to go with it and Im sure that will be fine. Present exchanging is a great start so it's just about probing and having fun then see where it takes you. I wish I was in your shoes and had a chance with someone!
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Post by putter65 on Dec 10, 2010 14:43:43 GMT -5
I'm not sure I have a chance. She is single though and awhile back she said that 'nobody would have her' - I can't believe that since she is lovely. That comment stung me because she is saying that and I've got this massive crush on her !
I've already got her present. It's not expensive but it is unusual. On another newsgroup I did tell people and this one woman said it was a terrible present. I lost all my confidence because of these remarks. I think it's a great present and I am sure she will love it.
It is a big present though, a bit of a gesture. It's not romantic or intimate. She will be shocked because it's not a normal present. I'm not going to say what it is exactly but it's one of those 'experiences' type presents where people go and enjoy themselves doing something unusual.
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gals
Full Member
Posts: 113
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Post by gals on Dec 26, 2010 23:31:20 GMT -5
If there is one thing I'm bitter about his that no woman has ever liked me. Not one ! You need success to gain confidence. I can never gain confidence because nothing ever good happens. . I'm sorry, but I think it's the other way around. You don't wait till you're successful to become confident. You have to be confident first before you can be a success. Have you ever made the move on these women? Or are you merely wishing? Coz yuo're the man and sometimes you just have to be gutsy and be brave to get the results you want. If you can't do it on your own, have a friend help you by setting you up with a mutual friend. It can be less overwhelming. Happy holidays!
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Post by Max Power on Dec 28, 2010 0:16:54 GMT -5
If there is one thing I'm bitter about his that no woman has ever liked me. Not one ! From the ages of 16 to 42, there must have been hundreds of women I have liked. None have liked me back. Not even a first date with any of them. What I don't understand is ; I look so much different now, I act different, my life is different yet I get the same result. NO ! Out of all the women, I asked some out, most I did not. Most I just realized that they weren't interested. Some I told, others I kept quiet. I just wish I had the chance with one of them. I think when that happens my confidence would grow. You need success to gain confidence. I can never gain confidence because nothing ever good happens. And I mean girlfriends here. I have had a few female friends over the years. Usually either co workers or friends of friends. Hi. I feel the same exact way you do. In first and second grade, I liked three girls and they liked me too. What won them over was my sense of humor. The older I got, the more I saw the good looking guys won the girls while the guy with the sense of humor made them laugh but that was all. Ever since 4th grade when I was 10 until now at age 37, every single girl that I like doesn't feel that way about me. What hurts me is that they like me as a friend because I'm funny but I lose out because I am not a physically attractive person. Sucks really. I wish I could offer advice.
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Post by Richard Cunningham on Dec 29, 2010 3:17:59 GMT -5
If there is one thing I'm bitter about his that no woman has ever liked me. Not one ! From the ages of 16 to 42, there must have been hundreds of women I have liked. None have liked me back. Not even a first date with any of them. What I don't understand is ; I look so much different now, I act different, my life is different yet I get the same result. NO ! Out of all the women, I asked some out, most I did not. Most I just realized that they weren't interested. Some I told, others I kept quiet. I just wish I had the chance with one of them. I think when that happens my confidence would grow. You need success to gain confidence. I can never gain confidence because nothing ever good happens. And I mean girlfriends here. I have had a few female friends over the years. Usually either co workers or friends of friends. Have you tried lowering your standards?
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Post by putter65 on Dec 30, 2010 12:23:49 GMT -5
Funny you should say that. Two women have asked me out / told me they like me in my lifetime. One was semi - retarded / had learning difficulties. She was sweet but alot older than me. She was also - how can I put this ? - a bit loose with men, didn't have many morals and went with anybody. I turned her down as gently as I could.
Second woman was also older than me. She was extremely ugly but the worst thing about her was her personality. She didn't have one redeeming feature. Loud, noisy, rude, crass.
Both women asked me out (or asked somebody to ask me)
I don't regret turning down either.
I don't have high standards. As long as they have nice personalities and groom themselves, I would be interested.
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Post by timarends on Jan 2, 2011 23:56:53 GMT -5
I think Putter is right, you do need success to gain confidence. The way around this vicious cycle is to get success at little things first, then work your way up. That's how your confidence grows.
So you would strike up short conversations with women at first, then longer and longer ones, then successive conversations with the same woman, finally inviting her to eat lunch with you, etc..
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Post by putter65 on Jan 9, 2011 14:51:43 GMT -5
I haven't any success with women. I mean dating success. Imagine if I met somebody and we dated for awhile and then she said she didn't want to see me anymore. I am sure after the dust has settled, I would be more confident finding someone else.
The experience of having success would make me feel better about myself.
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Post by strawberrysweetie on Jan 9, 2011 17:03:41 GMT -5
The crushes in the past have all been horrible. When I was 18 to 24, women used to laugh at me. The last big crush I had, 10 years ago; she used to be horrible to me. I used to say 'hi' to her and she would say 'hi' back in the most miserable voice she could. Or she would ignore me and flirt with every guy she could. That's really too bad. At the same time, though.....did them acting completely not interested or being rude at least turn you off from them? I was thinking back on old crushes the other day, and realized that the first major crush I had (aaaaages ago)....I think the defining point of getting over that was through me finally thinking he was just a big jerk, lol. I see those characteristics as complete turn-offs. So, I imagine...if a girl isn't interested, being mean may just be her way of trying to get you to not like her in that way anymore. Which could be a good thing in a way, maybe? So that you don't have to waste more time by pining after them. Have you tried lowering your standards? haha...this bothers me. It makes me think that you're suggesting him to "settle," yet I suppose that's not necessarily what you meant. Reevaluating your priorties and seeing if you have 'too high standards' (expecting perfection, for example) is possibly a good thing, I suppose. Dating someone you might not expect to like might be an okay thing 'just to see'...I mean, you never know. A simple date or two shouldn't hurt anyone and could be practice in the very least. Some people take time in developing feelings, too, and might realize more than what's on the surface, in a good way. But, if a person ever thinks..."gee, I'm settling.....or god, I must be desperate" while with another person, then it's clearly not a relationship to enter into. Not good for either person. This may not apply whatsoever, but I'm just stating it just to state it, lol. I think Putter is right, you do need success to gain confidence. The way around this vicious cycle is to get success at little things first, then work your way up. That's how your confidence grows. So you would strike up short conversations with women at first, then longer and longer ones, then successive conversations with the same woman, finally inviting her to eat lunch with you, etc.. I think this is good advice. I was recently listening to some therapy audio tapes and one of the key points was that "feelings never come before actions." In other words, you shouldn't wait around to feel a certain way (the way you think you should...in this case: confident) just because that's what you think it takes to do something. I don't think one can be confident without some sort of success, though. People who may more easily feel confident, I think, just luckily are able to act on it and in that way achieve success which reinforces the confidence. I think for people like us, who may be more prone to insecurity, just feel as though we have to put a lot more effort into achieving some sort of confidence. It may be hard to gain, but through continual efforts, hopefully little successes will build, and the confidence will grow.
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Post by putter65 on Jan 10, 2011 4:04:44 GMT -5
I've never thought I have too high standards.
Yes the latest woman I asked out was 12 years younger than me and was very attractive. You could say she was out of my league but when she says things like 'nobody will have me' - I had to ask her out because I liked her that much.
I like all sorts of women. Another one is slightly overweight. I told a co worker I thought she was attractive and this co worker acted really surprized. I just like the way she looks and most of all her personality.
As for settling; I'm not interested in going out with someone I don't like. And anyway a situation like that has never happened in the last 10 years.
Also maybe I'm wrong but I always develop feelings for a woman before I ask them out. It does take me way too long to do this but I'm working on that one !
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Post by strawberrysweetie on Jan 10, 2011 5:43:44 GMT -5
^...sorry. I know, as I had seen your last comment about that. I was just commenting on a comment within your thread. It wasn't really directed toward you necessarily; I was just generally speaking. When a comment stands out to me for whatever reason, I seem to have a need to comment on it, even if it is perhaps unnecessary. :S Should probably stop doing it. I was actually impressed that you asked that girl out. I had seen your other posts and was sort of hoping you would, as it was obvious you liked her so much. I am sorry it didn't turn out the way you wanted to, though. But you should be proud of the fact that you even asked her out. That takes guts, man! It is a brave thing to do to put yourself out there and risk rejection. I don't see how you guys do it. Also maybe I'm wrong but I always develop feelings for a woman before I ask them out. It does take me way too long to do this but I'm working on that one ! Nah, that's usually how it works, lol. I think there was just a point in what I said, that some women (even 'normal' women without obvious problems) just get overlooked. Not saying that you necessarily do this, but I'm just making a general statement here. You can't help who you like and are attracted to, though. No one can. And that's the only reason I was annoyed by the thought of someone "settling" thing...which is probably ridiculous as I think I was the one that brought it up. It's just how I interpreted the one little comment, though. I know my place, though. I shouldn't be offering any sort of relationship advice to anyone. Or even normal advice. I so need to stop posting, lol. Anyway, don't mind me.
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Post by putter65 on Jan 10, 2011 6:12:56 GMT -5
Hi Strawberry !
I wasn't having a go at you in the last post I did. I like all kinds of feedback and comments. When you think about it, online is the only place you can get advice on some issues. It's not easy to talk about stuff eg women. I enjoyed your post. I say keep posting and giving advice to people. I'm sure I'm not the only person on here who appreiciates your comments and thoughts !
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