How to meet women, if there's no opportunities?

[peterseter3]

On sundays...Well not now and probably not in a long time because i'm messed up badly in my health but i used to go out with the intention to meet women.

These problems are why i don't get to meet anyone:

1. I usually never meet any because i look for the opportunity where there is a girl by herself and this just never happens. They're always with someone.

2. Moreover, when they're with someone, you see how they talk and what kind of person makes them have fun and the guy or girl their talking to is always a talkative outgoing dude.. Then you look at yourself and you're nothing like that so you feel like garbage.

3. and thirdly, mostly where girls gather are public places and many times they're moving walking.. they don't stay in one place so you can't approach them, and if they're sitting in one place a bunch of girls.. It's really risky cause you're like a baby, just starting to try to talk, and you'll look like a weirdo if you mess up(which you will)...then get red and it's all just a failure.

4. fourth, you seek the opportunity to talk to girls in bus or wherever.. but They're always with Ipods or on the cellphone. Seems many girls can't stay away from gadgets to fill in silence. But that sucks cause you can't move in and try to talk.

I tried before and the girl justs said "huh?" then i started talking and she put them backon and ignored me. Girls with ipods don't want to be bothered by strangers, especially if we're not handsome or outgoing personatlities.

5. Sometimes you meet foreign students cause they're like the easiest to start to talk( the shy looking ones)...but they are almost always young students and if you're old like me.. then they think you're creepy and won't want to talk or they'l talk and then you want to keep in touch but they never respond

***
Some people say.. just go out.. there's opportunities to meet people all around you, but what i found is that that doesn't work if you try to talk to people who are outgoing... and the ones outside in town are usually talkative/outgoing personalities so seems that it's impossible.

Case in point: At work most my coworkers are loud and talkative.. they think i'm weird cause i'm not loud and talkative like them. The only ones who i can have great conversations with are the old or foreign old ladies who work there too.

So yes if you go out there's opportunities but mostly 99 percent of the opportunities will be with loud people(cause the ones that are out there no hiding are loud outgoing ones) and that will generally fail since, like i said, loud people like loud people. So you have 1 percent opportunity which is by finding people who look quiet like you OR elderly person OR elderly from your ethnicity OR elderly foreigner

[Scotty]

It sounds like your attempting to meet girls through a random encounter. This is difficult to make happen. It would be easier if you find an activity/ hobby/ club to join. If you're meeting the same people every week you have a better chance at getting to know them. Even if nothing romantic happens, maybe you'll make friends which may lead to networking.

[peterseter3]

Yeah.. well i don't have money to join dance schools.or whatever. And i'm kinda disabled now so i can't even if i had money.
What could i join? NOthing is free as far as i've seen in the newspaper locally.

[timarends]

I agree with Scotty. That's a hard way to meet girls because you only have one chance to make a good first impression, whereas, when you join some kind of club or organization, assuming the same people attend the meetings every week or month or whatever, you have a better extended chance to get to know them.

When you talk to someone on the street, not only do you have to make a good impression but you have to get their contact information on the spot or you will never see them again. When you're in some kind of club, if girls attend every meeting, you can strike up conversations with them and eventually get to know them better without seeming so forward.

Some people say you should be able to talk to random people on the street, but I say that you should go with what you do best.

You could join a volunteer group or some kind of charity organization, a church, a social club, hobbyist organization, etc.. There are tons of clubs out there where you would run into more or less the same people at every meeting.

[peterseter3]

Thanks timarends, so have you done it?

i joined dance long time ago. that was great. except the women that were interested in me and talked to me were old ladies. hehehe. The young ones my age never approached me. I guess the old ones find you interesting if you're NICE. and i'm nice But the young girls only find you interesting if you're COOL, CONFIDENT and OUTGOING/TALKATIVE.

That's funny. and it's true if you think about it. Old ladies start giving a rats **** whether your confident and hip. But young women's ideals are those.

I guess young women's ideal men are BAD boys but when women get old they finally realize that nice guys are good too

[gals]

Dec 16, 2010 23:26:23 GMT -5 peterseter3 said:

On sundays...Well not now and probably not in a long time because i'm messed up badly in my health but i used to go out with the intention to meet women.

These problems are why i don't get to meet anyone:

1. I usually never meet any because i look for the opportunity where there is a girl by herself and this just never happens. They're always with someone.

2. Moreover, when they're with someone, you see how they talk and what kind of person makes them have fun and the guy or girl their talking to is always a talkative outgoing dude.. Then you look at yourself and you're nothing like that so you feel like garbage.

3. and thirdly, mostly where girls gather are public places and many times they're moving walking.. they don't stay in one place so you can't approach them, and if they're sitting in one place a bunch of girls.. It's really risky cause you're like a baby, just starting to try to talk, and you'll look like a weirdo if you mess up(which you will)...then get red and it's all just a failure.

4. fourth, you seek the opportunity to talk to girls in bus or wherever.. but They're always with Ipods or on the cellphone. Seems many girls can't stay away from gadgets to fill in silence. But that sucks cause you can't move in and try to talk.

I tried before and the girl justs said "huh?" then i started talking and she put them backon and ignored me. Girls with ipods don't want to be bothered by strangers, especially if we're not handsome or outgoing personatlities.

5. Sometimes you meet foreign students cause they're like the easiest to start to talk( the shy looking ones)...but they are almost always young students and if you're old like me.. then they think you're creepy and won't want to talk or they'l talk and then you want to keep in touch but they never respond

***
Some people say.. just go out.. there's opportunities to meet people all around you, but what i found is that that doesn't work if you try to talk to people who are outgoing... and the ones outside in town are usually talkative/outgoing personalities so seems that it's impossible.

Case in point: At work most my coworkers are loud and talkative.. they think i'm weird cause i'm not loud and talkative like them. The only ones who i can have great conversations with are the old or foreign old ladies who work there too.

So yes if you go out there's opportunities but mostly 99 percent of the opportunities will be with loud people(cause the ones that are out there no hiding are loud outgoing ones) and that will generally fail since, like i said, loud people like loud people. So you have 1 percent opportunity which is by finding people who look quiet like you OR elderly person OR elderly from your ethnicity OR elderly foreigner

Don't give up Peter.

I understand your frustration and I'm also in the same situation. But why not let your friends introduce you to other people? I think this is even more effective than approacing strangers.

At least if you have some common friends, it's no longer difficult to approach others and will remove any "distrust" factor.

A friend acting as a "bridge" is still reliable even to this day

[peterseter3]

Thanks gals. But you're missing the point : ) I dont HAVE FRIENDS. Who said i did.
So to meet people, they always gonna be strangers.

Although i gotta tel you some kind of good news. I've been working at my company and the people there are always happy to see me and seem to like me. The ones that like me are mostly older married women and even a 60 year old woman. THey're so niceee and since I'm shy they see me like a cute kid(I'm early 30s). They're always soooo happy to see me.

So that's the closes i've had to friends. But i don't talk or get into conversations with them. It's mostly just about work. And when i talk it's just a little bit of words. And we don't meet outside of work or anything. So i guess they're just acquaintences.

Anyways, I guess i have to join some kind of activity club or something.

But making friends is hard because people want to know where you live and how you live. I live with parents and this is seen as stupid and childish by many, including by women my age( Just look at how women in Okcupid and those kinds of chats/datins sites advertise themselves. : Independent, with great career . And they look for someone who is the same). So i usually make up something about how i live on my own. Then that puts tension and i can't really reveal anything about me cause it will always go back to where and how i live..and i just don't want to say.

[cyclopse]

How about online dating? of course you have to watch who responds to you but I actually just joined one and have recieved some good results. lol

[Tal]

Yep, I agree with the other posters that talking to random people in the street or on the bus is a case of diving in at the deep end, especially for us. I catch the bus every week day and tbh every few people start up conversations with total strangers and most who do are middle aged or elderly. I don't see young people chatting each other up, so I'm not sure it happens as much as one may think.

Work, social clubs and bars/pubs/nightclubs are the main places to meet people. Sadly I don't have much experience with any of them so I can't offer much advice.

Finally I also live at home and agree it can get looked down on by more independent people, but its definitely more socially acceptable to live at home in your late 20s and 30s than it used to be. I wouldn't lie though, because in the end you will have to come clean eventually which would look even worse than the truth might. Also you want to be in a relationship with someone you can talk to honestly, so if you want to find the right person you need to be honest from the start.

You can always make up some good excuses for living at home. Anything from not being able to afford to move out to not wanting to waste your money on renting. That said moving out may be worth considering. It would probably improve your chances with the girls and make dating a lot easier.

[peterseter3]

Well good new guys. Not about women, but
i put up some message in my cities website about wanting culture/language exchange and after like months of no responses, some Foreign guys responded( 2 people). So might become friends! Too bad it's not women though.

Women don't seem to want to meet strangers from off the internet.. although before i met like 5 women off of the same site(but it usually turned bad cause they were disappointed in me since i'm shy and not outgoing)

[Scotty]

Well, that's something. Good luck!

[peterseter3]

Thanks..but now that i realize it. Maybe it was just SPAM. they havne't responded. or maybe they can't use the computers until they have a specific class in the week.

well whatever. I just hope they're not metrosexuals or gay cause many of those Asian guys from asia are metrosexuals.

[geekguy]

Just out of curiosity, what's your beef with metrosexuals?

[spacecapsule]

I made a resolution to make some new friends, and hopefully get a date, this year.

After a series of disappointments, I joined a young adults group and believe it or not there were several attractive women there. That was 5 weeks ago and I cant say that I have made any progress, but maybe they are just shy like me ... meaning this could move at a glacial pace.

I digress, I think single women are out there it just takes a whole lot of hard work and perseverance ... good luck.

[Karen]

Mar 6, 2011 19:05:54 GMT -5 spacecapsule said:

I made a resolution to make some new friends, and hopefully get a date, this year.

After a series of disappointments, I joined a young adults group and believe it or not there were several attractive women there. That was 5 weeks ago and I cant say that I have made any progress, but maybe they are just shy like me ... meaning this could move at a glacial pace.

Good job on joining the young adults group! That must have taken alot of courage.
I always feel sort of bad for men who are trying to find someone. There is this social idea that men must take all the risk, whether it be asking a girl out, or even flirting. I have to admit, I feel lucky that I don't have to contend with that as well as my shyness
But there are girls out there who will be understanding of shyness and willing to get to know you. Keep at it!