|
|
Post by putter65 on Mar 1, 2011 17:03:52 GMT -5
I think I've made it clear I like her but maybe only as a caring friend. I did ask her out but it was to the pictures. This was thru facebook and neither of us have mentioned it since. I've also said we can have a chat and coffee together if she feels like it. This was after she told me she was depressed. It's not all one way though. She said she wanted to be my golf caddie one day. So I suggested in the summer. And she also told one of her friends to pass on a message that she was still using my present to her (a pen).
On Thursday she came in to see me. She must have remembered my shift and when I left 3pm. Obviously I couldn't talk to her while I was working so she choose to come at 3pm when I was leaving. She sent me a text saying, 'don't go home I'm coming for a chat and cuppa' - So we chatted and she made it clear she wasn't telling anybody what she told me. Seems like she's just going thru a bad patch, nothing more.
|
|
|
|
Post by Karen on Mar 1, 2011 17:20:18 GMT -5
I am completely in love with her but it's like I know my place. Please don't say it like that, you seem like a very sweet man, but you are too hard on yourself! If this girl is not interested in a relationship with you, then thats too bad, be her friend and continue to look else where to find that "special someone". If you lead a solitary life (and a lot of us do) then it can seem impossible, but its not! and frankly from reading your posts you seem like the kind of guy that would work hard to make a girl happy, and a lot of girls would feel lucky to have someone like you in their lives. Keep your chin up! |
|
|
|
Post by putter65 on Mar 1, 2011 17:33:14 GMT -5
oh thanks for your words. Sometimes I say things that make people feel sad. I don't mean it but I am trying to be realistic.
It's just the way I look, the way I sound, my facial expression, body language, past experiences, my life in general makes me feel like I'm not good to attract most women.
In the past, women I liked used to laugh at me. Or ignore me. One reported me to the manager at work. This woman has been so nice to me, I think that's why I love her so much. I asked her to the pictures and she didn't laugh at me or ignore me or tell everybody so they could have a laugh about it. She kept it to herself.
|
|
|
|
Post by Karen on Mar 1, 2011 19:01:31 GMT -5
It's just the way I look, the way I sound, my facial expression, body language, past experiences, my life in general makes me feel like I'm not good to attract most women. In the past, women I liked used to laugh at me. Or ignore me. One reported me to the manager at work. This woman has been so nice to me, I think that's why I love her so much. I asked her to the pictures and she didn't laugh at me or ignore me or tell everybody so they could have a laugh about it. She kept it to herself. It sometimes seems to me that 95% of life is rejection, fear of the unknown, and generally unpleasant things, and people. Its hard enough for people who have plenty of self confidence, for those of us who don't it can be pretty awful at times. It doesnt help that movies, tv, adverts, facebook ect. all make it seem like the whole world is sexy, and good looking, and going to a party that your not invited to  I'm glad this girl is nice to you, and really you just never know what could happen. But I will say this, your looks don't matter nearly as much as you think they do, granted I don't know what you look like, but I am a girl, and I can tell you from a girl's perspective, the way a man looks, talks, ect. has little to do with why we like you. especially after we get to know you  Please keep you chin up and focus on what makes you happy in your own life, the rest will work itself out..... easier said then done I know |
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Mar 1, 2011 23:52:06 GMT -5
not me, i always go for those handsome devils lol. but i know that is true of many women. putter, i really think you're treading on thin ice here. it's very common for shy people to fall head over heels with someone who's just being friendly. then when the relationship ends because they get involved with someone else, the besotted shy person simply crumbles...unable to cope. it can be quite serious. that's why i'm advising you to push forward with the real deal...a romantic date that cannot be confused with simple friendship. you say you're under no illusions, but the hope screams from every post... so i'm concerned.  |
|
|
|
Post by putter65 on Mar 2, 2011 2:11:55 GMT -5
Sweet Pea - She's been in relationships in the past few months and it hasn't effected our friendship. A romantic date - never been on one.
Karen - If you saw a picture of me you would know what I'm talking about !
|
|
|
|
Post by Karen on Mar 2, 2011 5:12:48 GMT -5
Karen - If you saw a picture of me you would know what I'm talking about ! You say you are just trying to be realistic, but how am I supposed to believe that when you say things like this?!  Are you missing your nose? do you have mushrooms growing where your hair should be? let me guess, you have an arm growing where your left leg should be!! That IS ..... actually I'd like to see that. The point I am making is, you have no opinion of yourself, how can you expect others to see your worth when you don't? I sincerely wish there was something I could say to make you understand that. but having stood in your shoes myself, all I can say is, please please please stop being so negative about yourself. I've thought the same way you do. I've felt as if the world looked at me in disgust and that the best anyone would ever feel for me is mild pity. It wasnt until I'd had enough of self-hate, and I just started telling myself that I deserved the same love and respect that other people take for granted, that my life changed. (for the better of course  anyway, its not all bad, we live in the age of internet porn, if you really give up on ever finding that "special someone" then you can have a different "special" every night ;)Yay the modern age!! |
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Mar 2, 2011 10:10:14 GMT -5
Sweet Pea - She's been in relationships in the past few months and it hasn't effected our friendship. A romantic date - never been on one. would you LIKE to take her on a romantic date, putt? |
|
|
|
Post by putter65 on Mar 2, 2011 11:37:40 GMT -5
Karen - Sorry if I hit a nerve. On this other forum I posted this video of myself talking. I asked if anybody wanted to see it, about 10 people did. I asked for honest opinions. All of them said I was ugly. I didn't mind that but some said I looked 'scary looking'. Some said I looked like a serial killer. Some suggested I should smile more because that is the main thing wrong. My body langauge was all wrong because I looked and sounded miserable.
So I have some validation to my thoughts about how I look. But I don't hate myself and when women get to know me (eg work) then they realize what a nice guy I am. I hate been in photo's and even when I catch a reflection of myself in a window, I turn away because I don't like what I see.
Sweet Pea - I would love that but it's a dream I have.
|
|
|
|
Post by Karen on Mar 2, 2011 12:23:23 GMT -5
Karen - Sorry if I hit a nerve. On this other forum I posted this video of myself talking. I asked if anybody wanted to see it, about 10 people did. I asked for honest opinions. All of them said I was ugly. I didn't mind that but some said I looked 'scary looking'. Some said I looked like a serial killer. Some suggested I should smile more because that is the main thing wrong. My body langauge was all wrong because I looked and sounded miserable. So I have some validation to my thoughts about how I look. But I don't hate myself and when women get to know me (eg work) then they realize what a nice guy I am. I hate been in photo's and even when I catch a reflection of myself in a window, I turn away because I don't like what I see. No need for you to apologize, on the other hand, I apologize if my posts to you have been overly harsh/bossy/sarcastic I have no kind of manners. hmmm, an ugly, scary, serial killer? Thats impressive. You seem to know that a lot of it has to do with your body language though, have you ever tried the "fake it till you make it" approach? Grin like a wolf, and act as if you own Canada? At least you are able to see that when women get to know you, they like you, I will hold out hope for you putter |
|
|
|
Post by putter65 on Mar 2, 2011 13:13:20 GMT -5
Hi Karen - no your posts haven't been too harsh. Ha ! ha !, an ugly, scary, serial killer - sounds great doesn't it ?
Over the years I have learned to smile more. And be more out going. It always takes an effort though because it's not my natural personality. I am a quite, shy person but at work I am more out going mainly because I have to be.
I can't help notice that women do seem to warm to me. Alot of them are older ladies of course. I don't know whether a bit of 'feeling sorry for me' has something to do with it. My work colleagues (mostly women) seem to like me enough.
But I think there is a difference between 'like' and 'want to date' which I think is my main problem.
|
|
|
|
Post by Karen on Mar 2, 2011 23:46:52 GMT -5
Over the years I have learned to smile more. And be more out going. It always takes an effort though because it's not my natural personality. I am a quite, shy person but at work I am more out going mainly because I have to be. I'm the same way, quite and shy, and frankly nerdy as hell, (and not the cute "tv" nerdy either, the "I like reading about black holes on my free time" kind ) I am really glad you are trying to be more outgoing, I think everyone here knows how much effort it takes! Work is a great place to practice your skills. I can't help notice that women do seem to warm to me. Alot of them are older ladies of course. I don't know whether a bit of 'feeling sorry for me' has something to do with it. My work colleagues (mostly women) seem to like me enough. But I think there is a difference between 'like' and 'want to date' which I think is my main problem. How much older? Yes, there is a difference between "like" and "want to date", and there is nothing worse then when you both "like", and "want to date" someone and they only "like" you. You seem to have trouble getting past the merely "like" part, yes? The only thing I can say is what other posters here have already said, if she only "likes" you, then the best thing to do (imo) is to just accept and be her friend. and as hard as it may seem, wishing for whats not happening only breeds misery. |
|
|
|
Post by putter65 on Mar 3, 2011 1:14:00 GMT -5
with this woman I am so tempted to stop all contact, remove her from facebook friends and everything. I don't think I mean anything to her. Nothing at all !
|
|
|
|
Post by putter65 on Mar 3, 2011 1:16:20 GMT -5
It's like I'm kidding myself, pretending to myself I mean something to her, even on a friends level.
The women who like me are old women 70 plus. Joke !
|
|
|
|
Post by Karen on Mar 3, 2011 9:50:50 GMT -5
It's like I'm kidding myself, pretending to myself I mean something to her, even on a friends level. oh no, theres that misery thing I was talking about.... If you feel like that, there is a reason. As hard as it may seem, try focusing on what makes you happy in your own life, instead of fixating on this girl, or how she feels about you. It seems impossible to stop worrying and thinking about a person you like, but its not, and believe me, its not worth the pain to sit there and torture yourself over a person who may or may not be interested in you. |
|
Please keep you chin up and focus on what makes you happy in your own life, the rest will work itself out..... easier said then done I know 
