Post by Rose on Apr 30, 2011 11:36:38 GMT -5
I'm gonna write a shy diary, I just decided. Because this forum is awesome, and I know that people here are nice. 
So why not, right?
So yeah, I just turned 25 last week. My inner life has improved a lot. Outer life (as measured by work accomplishments and making friends and impressing other people, not so much yet). But I realized that the inner problems are the ones behind the steering wheel of the "problemmobile", so to say.
I no longer beat myself up as much about things, and I no longer get scared for no reason as much, or get depressed about stuff that isn't even happening. My body going out of whack and affecting my vision last year has been a real smack-in-the-face wake up call that things have got to change...now. So After studying self help books somewhat privately, I feel like my mind has been knocked back on track to evolve a better way for my future. And perhaps I'll find what it is I'm supposed to be doing to make a positive change permanent. I trust that I will the way inspiration is flowing.
I was really depressed for a while early last year, but I didn't like to talk about it on forums. I was ashamed, and going through a confusing time. It's still confusing...but without the depression now. Which helps a heck of a lot.
My next goal...to stop the constant self-deprecation, and putting what other people will think first.
In other news...my mom has been babysitting the next-door-neighbor's dog while its owners are away. The dog I personally have despised ever since the year they got that annoying mutt.
(I am not a hater of all dogs, I like some dogs, just for whatever reason this dog bothers the heck out of me!!!). Its bark is particularly horrible. It's not the normal "woof woof" it sounds more like "BEHCKK BEHCKK BEHCKK", and it echos...how annoying is that? lol.
Anyway it's like the universe is playing a joke on me. Out of all the dogs in the neighborhood that she could have liked she chose THAT one.
Now she's in love with that horrible dog and even brought it over the other day. *sigh* Life's funny like that....
I'll add more ramblings regularly if I can. Though I've never committed to an online diary anywhere before. So we'll see. ;D
-Rose
So why not, right?So yeah, I just turned 25 last week. My inner life has improved a lot. Outer life (as measured by work accomplishments and making friends and impressing other people, not so much yet). But I realized that the inner problems are the ones behind the steering wheel of the "problemmobile", so to say.
I no longer beat myself up as much about things, and I no longer get scared for no reason as much, or get depressed about stuff that isn't even happening. My body going out of whack and affecting my vision last year has been a real smack-in-the-face wake up call that things have got to change...now. So After studying self help books somewhat privately, I feel like my mind has been knocked back on track to evolve a better way for my future. And perhaps I'll find what it is I'm supposed to be doing to make a positive change permanent. I trust that I will the way inspiration is flowing.I was really depressed for a while early last year, but I didn't like to talk about it on forums. I was ashamed, and going through a confusing time. It's still confusing...but without the depression now. Which helps a heck of a lot.
My next goal...to stop the constant self-deprecation, and putting what other people will think first.
In other news...my mom has been babysitting the next-door-neighbor's dog while its owners are away. The dog I personally have despised ever since the year they got that annoying mutt.
(I am not a hater of all dogs, I like some dogs, just for whatever reason this dog bothers the heck out of me!!!). Its bark is particularly horrible. It's not the normal "woof woof" it sounds more like "BEHCKK BEHCKK BEHCKK", and it echos...how annoying is that? lol.Anyway it's like the universe is playing a joke on me. Out of all the dogs in the neighborhood that she could have liked she chose THAT one.
Now she's in love with that horrible dog and even brought it over the other day. *sigh* Life's funny like that.... I'll add more ramblings regularly if I can. Though I've never committed to an online diary anywhere before. So we'll see. ;D
-Rose
Befriend the trees...they are good listeners. ;D
Why can't certain people just let me be the way I am without questioning everything to death? They won't understand my answers anyway. I'm having a hard enough time as it is with my brain, I don't need people who know my every flaw activating my past every time I see them. Sometimes I feel like a good 5 year break away from home would rehabilitate me from my past and those old buttons that they used to push all the time wouldn't work the same ever again, and I could forgive and move on. 