Should I just give up?

[loneangel]

Hey guys,
Well don't know how to start this but things have been going pretty downhill for me. I feel more alone and hopeless than ever. I don't have anyone but my mom and she doesn't care. Even when I actually TRY to talk to people and be normal I still end up alone, as always. It will never change. I'm just so sick of this pathetic existance. Watching everyone be happy, having friends, boyfriends, feeling like I'll live and die and no one will even notice:( I'm 20 years old and never had a boyfriend or anyone interested in me and never will...I have no future, nothing going for me. We're also in debt cause my dad died and I can't even get a job cause I'm too afraid to be around people. I just can't take another day like this anymore. Really, whats the point?? It's hopeless! People say it will happen eventually but I can't wait anymore! Why does everyone else get to be alive and not me?? I feel so disconnected like nothing is even real...my "life basically amounts to nothing. what's the point of living if you're not alive? I know I need help but I don't even have anyone to talk to:( I'm afraid my doctor will just give me pills if I tell him. What should i do? Sorry if this makes no sense, I cant think straight now:(

[1229]

I wish there was something I could say that would help you. I think the first step might be talking about it. Yay for you to post about it and at least take a small step in that department. I think one of the next steps might be to talk to a Doctor/Therapist. You might not need pills, maybe just some good conversation and feedback and start taking small steps from there.

[Karen]

Loneangel, I'm so sorry your feeling like this.
It might actually be a good thing to see someone, you can tell them you don't want to be put on medication if thats something your not comfortable with. But it would be good if you can talk with someone about what your going through.
Hang in there Loneangel, one day at a time. And you certainly have friends in us.

[Shan-Chan]

I only have my mom too, and a handfull of online people. You're not alone in being alone. Don't give up though. There is nothing wrong with you.

[strawberrysweetie]

Hey...

I find reading your stuff heartbreaking. I definitely feel your pain, loneangel.

This is my attempt to help you...

May 7, 2011 9:28:25 GMT -5 loneangel said:

. . .I don't have anyone but my mom and she doesn't care. . .

What makes you think she doesn't care?

May 7, 2011 9:28:25 GMT -5 loneangel said:

Watching everyone be happy, having friends, boyfriends, feeling like I'll live and die and no one will even notice:(

This is very frustrating, something a lot of us with SA/painful shyness can relate to.

May 7, 2011 9:28:25 GMT -5 loneangel said:

. . .We're also in debt cause my dad died. . .

I am so very sorry to hear about your father. *hugs*

May 7, 2011 9:28:25 GMT -5 loneangel said:

. . . It will never change.. . .

. . . I'm 20 years old and never had a boyfriend or anyone interested in me and never will...

. . . I have no future, nothing going for me. . .

. . . I just can't take another day like this anymore. Really, whats the point?? It's hopeless! People say it will happen eventually but I can't wait anymore! Why does everyone else get to be alive and not me?? I feel so disconnected like nothing is even real...my "life basically amounts to nothing. what's the point of living if you're not alive?

Please realize that these statements are based on your FEELINGS right now. They are NOT fact by any means. No one can predict the future. And while sometimes I alternate between believing whether or not this is a blessing or a curse...I do think it's true that we as humans do have an amount of control over what our future may mean for us. In spite of the many crappy obstacles we may have to endure, we do have certain choices to make that can potentially make our futures swing in widely different directions. So, the good thing is...is that, even though it feels as though nothing is going on in your life right now and everything seems to be going wrong, it doesn't mean that things will remain that way for the rest of your life.

Believe me when I say that I can totally relate to how you're feeling. I think a lot of the same thoughts as you about my own life far too often. I just see that one thing that helps me at least...is to be able to recognize my faulty thinking and label it as that. Even though it feels extraordinarily crappy and I feel my future is very bleak sometimes, I try and remember that just because I *think* things will turn out one way, doesn't mean they will. There's always a chance for change.

May 7, 2011 9:28:25 GMT -5 loneangel said:

I know I need help but I don't even have anyone to talk to:( I'm afraid my doctor will just give me pills if I tell him. What should i do? Sorry if this makes no sense, I cant think straight now:(

Well, if you can, I would strongly suggest you go talk to someone, a professional, who can help you directly, as the others said. It could potentially be a tremendous help to have someone in your presence who is supporting you. And like Karen said, even if they do recommend you take pills, you do NOT have to by any means. It's a personal choice really. One day you may change your mind about it, but perhaps not. Either way you want to go about it, is okay. It is up to you completely.

I do realize how hard of a step this can be, though.

It is good you've come here to post at least. Hopefully this forum can be somewhat of an outlet for you.

As for what else can you do? Well, you can talk to me...I'll be your friend!! Seriously, I know how much it sucks to be feeling this way and my heart goes out to you. I know online connections aren't the same as making real life ones, but they can still be helpful.

Please hang in there. *hugs*

Also, you might want to check your messages.

[Outcast]

Don't give up lone angel. I think trying to face our problems and trying to solve them is part of being alive and part of being true to ourselves. Yes, there would be times that we would falter, and all our efforts may seem for nothing. But i think failing or making mistakes is also part of anyone's life. So we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves when we make them.
I also think i don't have much people/friends to turn to for small talks,advices, or outings. But i also believe we shouldn't depend on other people for our happiness. I believe it should start with ourselves.
Sometimes when i'm alone, i try to give some thoughts on what i want to happen with my life and what are those things that make me unhappy. From there, i try to think of what i can do to change some of them, so that at least i would feel better about myself.
In short, i think taking care of yourself as if you were your own best friend would be a good start.
I don't know if it makes any sense or if im weird, but that's what i try to tell myself these days.
If there's anything you love doing, you could also start there. If you had a friend who shares the same interest as you have, what would you imagine yourself doing with them?

Well, anyways, thought i'd try to help you out.

Hope you decide not to give up and hang in there.

[brightestdark]

Sorry to hear you're feeling lonely and unhappy. Don't give up. I'm not very good at saying stuff, but maybe talking to the Samaritans or some other organisation where you can talk about what you're going through will help. It doesn't need to be your doctor. And of course keep talking to us here.

I'm sure your mom does care even if she doesn't show it. I bet she'd be devastated if you gave up.

Sorry to hear about the debt, doesn't sound good... Maybe there's some sort of work you could do at home or something though - I'm not sure what... have you tried selling things on ebay or anything like that?

Don't give up!

[peekaboo]

Dear loneangel,

Do not give up, hang in there nothing stays the same forever you remind me of myself 4 years ago its amazing how much can change when you stop worrying about changing. I had never had a boyfriend until I was 25 and we are still together my parents consider me to be a late bloomer and I think that is what most of with SA are. I met my bf at our place of employment and I hate to tell you this but noone can see you behind those walls you have to get out you have to face your fears of people. Making money is neccessary, making friends not so much so I guess if you focus on making money moreso than making friends that will be a step closer to making a change in your life. Good luck, trust me your life will change oneday you will see. ;D

[allisonn]

If things are going downhill, they can only go uphill in the future You may be a great low right now, but think about where you've been and where you can go. Trust me, you won't feel like this forever. You say you want to feel alive - look at the reality of that statement. You ARE alive! This is you, in this moment. For all you know, this could be your only body, only personality, and only chance at life. Why let it pass you by? If you are willing to face your fears like peekaboo said, you have a chance at a better life. Best wishes to you

[mlt38]

Hello loneangel,
I just wanted to say that I can feel your pain and you are not alone.
mlt38