Everything is so tough for me

[putter65]

I'm making some progress but everything is so hard for me. It's one step forward, three back. Nothing comes easy and nothing is plain sailing.

The woman I really have a thing for. I can't let her go. I will do anything for her. I always did when we worked together. She must know this. We have a nice way of keeping in touch, playing golf. Yet we've had three cancelled games this week. Sunday because it was raining, yesterday she said she was tired and she said the same thing today. She sent a text later on saying we'll have a game after her holidays. The annoying thing is it was her idea about the golf and I put myself out only to be let down twice !

I know she doesn't like me romantically but I told a few people today about the golf and I feel like a twat now because it didn't happen.

This other woman who flirts with me, I asked her last week if she wanted to do something. I suggested the pictures, she never really answered. I said it really to shut her up, call her bluff in a way.

Today when the golf game had been cancelled, I told another woman and I could tell she felt sorry for me. I asked her if she wanted to play golf instead and she said she couldn't. She was nice enough though and gave me some advice about the golf woman.

It's not a disaster though, I haven't said anything wrong or done something wrong and she did text me back saying 'we'll have a game soon blah blah' - it was her idea though and so disapointing it never happened especially when I put myself out so much by doing her a favour by working on my day off.

Oh well

[allisonn]

My personal opinion? There's a great lesson to be learned here. A few if you really listen to your heart. Why are you chasing something when the chase is hurting you?

There's a woman out there for, whether or not you're ready to believe that fact. And she doesn't require chasing after to the extent that you're doing with lady #1. Take some time for yourself to build up your confidence - realize you are a great catch yourself - and then put yourself out there and look for a match made in heaven. You can do better than whatever you're going for at the moment. It's okay to care deeply for someone, but if they don't want to be with you, let them go so both of you can be happy in the long run. Best wishes to you.

[putter65]

Thanks.

I think I'm clinging on for a few reasons.

Firstly when I think back to other women I have either liked or been friends. There is no comparision between them and this woman. This is the most important relationship I've ever had with a woman. One were things have been said, tears have been shed. All the things that have happened, even little things like sending texts is all new to me. I've never had a woman's mobile number before !

Secondly, I have very few friends if any. My workmates are friendly enough but I don't see them out of work. I spend alot of time by myself. I don't want to go back to having no one.

Thirdly, If I cut contact completely then if may upset her. I am sure she would notice. She might enjoy the attention and the fact that I dote on her. She may see me as a good friend. She has chosen to start playing golf, my main hobby.

The way forward for me is just to continue with what I have been doing, keeping in touch via text messages and facebook and I think my feelings will develop into more friendship ones. (which I think is already happening !)

Regarding my confidence, it doesn't take much to dent it and I am easily disheartened.

[missklew]

I know you don't see it this way but others have been telling you the same thing. Forget about this woman and stop wasting time on her. She isn't interested.

Find a psychologist in your area. Look it up online and start going. This really will solve your problems faster than pining over a girl who isn't interested.

[ura]

Jun 20, 2011 17:09:46 GMT -5 missklew said:

I know you don't see it this way but others have been telling you the same thing. Forget about this woman and stop wasting time on her. She isn't interested.

Find a psychologist in your area. Look it up online and start going. This really will solve your problems faster than pining over a girl who isn't interested.

This is the best advice, do exactly this, not a life coach but a psychologist is what you need putter, it will help you a lot.

[putter65]

I don't think I need anybody. I just have bad 10 minutes here and there and come on here and type stuff. The rest of the time I am okay.

I'm not really pinning over anybody, I just want more friends and do stuff instead of being by myself all the time. There's nothing wrong with that.

[missklew]

You come on here and say you have no friends to do things with and a couple of golf games is the best female relationship you have had.

Then people offer up help or suggestions but you don't think you need it?

I am not trying to be difficult but it would seem to me you know you have problems forming relationships with people and it has been going on for years. You haven't been able to solve this on your own.

What is the harm in getting some help?

[putter65]

Getting help like you suggest seems a bit drastic. Paying someone to listen to you. I don't want to admitt I'm crazy or anything. I don't know what a psychologist would say - 'go out more and mix with people'

Your right about my female relationships though - having a woman spend a couple of hours playing golf with me is a big deal. I used to have a cinema female friend and that was a big deal. A woman spending time with me like that. She's since disapeared but it was nice while it lasted.

What can I do ? Ask women to places more ? I am doing that and not having much success. While it would be interesting talking to someone, I've no idea where you go and it would be quiet expensive as well.

Thanks for your help, didn't mean to hurt your feelings with my answer before !

[allisonn]

Sometimes it helps to talk to a therapist just to be able to talk. It doesn't have to mean you're crazy... I know some people who see one every few weeks just to let out some feelings and get perspective. Maybe you could just try it out once and see how it goes.

Depending where you live, meetup.com can be a cool place to meet with social groups based around interests you like. I suggest this because I had some success with it. People are pretty friendly on there.

[putter65]

I think I use places like here to let feelings out and talk about stuff.

I will look into it though.

[ura]

It has become quite common nowadays for people to see therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists and while this forum might be a nice place to vent it can help to talk to somebody who is properly trained in it.

[putter65]

I keep thinking 'one day it will be me'

What I mean everywhere a woman likes a man. It's happening all the time, on here, real life, at work, tv. And it's never me. And I've had this for 25 years. I hear women all the time discussing a man they like. Woman X likes Man Y etc, etc. Woman Z is dating Man Y, blah, blah. It's never me. ANd whatever I do, however I am, shy, quiet, loud, funny, caring - nothing works ! So frustrating !