Post by mike86 on Jun 19, 2011 20:29:20 GMT -5
This thread is named after the title of a famous book by Susan Jeffers on overcoming fear, which is excellent. This thread is about my own experiences on overcoming fear/shyness though and will also include references to the extensive personal research I've carried out reading self-help books.
This post will be long and it may seem like I'm blowing my own trumpet but I'm merely trying to illustrate how far I've come in the hope of inspiring others to do the same. It may seem long-winded at times, but trust me, there is a point to everything I'm telling you.
I was always very shy growing up, quiet and lacking confidence. I remember attending confirmation classes when I was 16 years old and I would physically shake because I was in a room full of strangers.
I finished high school at 16 and went through a difficult time in my life. My father had just passed away, I split up with my first ever girlfriend and I failed two medicals for the Royal Navy which was my dream job. It was too late to enrol at college and I couldn't get a job because I had no experience and no confidence in interviews.
My mum decided to enrol me on a Prince's Trust self-development course as that was the only college course available to me at that time. (My mum made all decisions for me in life at that stage because I was too insecure and shy to make my own choices.) The Prince's Trust is a charity set up by Prince Charles in England for 16-25 year olds and it basically helps young people to get jobs or education by giving them the skills they need.
The 12 week course completely transformed me and I felt confidence and self-esteem for the first time in my life. I finished the course in 2003 and started volunteering full time in a British Heart Foundation charity shop. I chose the BHF because my dad died of a heart attack but also because I wanted to maintain the confidence the Prince's Trust had given me. I knew I could only do this if I took myself out of my comfort zone and worked in a retail environment were I would have to serve customers and develop my inter-personal skills.
I volunteered there until I started college where I completed a BTEC national diploma in public and uniformed services as I was still hoping to join the navy at that point (once my knee had healed.) The Prince's Trust inspired me to achieve good grades at college so my tutors persuaded me to go to university.
I enrolled on a law degree at Liverpool John Moore's University in 2005 and graduated in 2008. In 2006 I was mugged in the street and hospitalised. I was angry at the time but other than that, it didn't really have an effect on me. In 2007 I was attacked again in the street by the same two people and hospitalised again. This as a big turning point in my life.
At this stage, I became extremely paranoid and was living my life in fear on a daily basis, wondering each day whether it would be my last. I even bought a bullet proof vest for stab protection. I realised I couldn't carry on living my life in fear so I decided to confront and overcome my fears after reading 'fear-the friend of exceptional people' by Geoff Thompson.
The book taught me that fear is a natural feeling designed to keep us alive and that I wasn't a coward for feeling fear. When put in a dangerous situation, we enter 'fight, flight or freeze' syndrome. We can can either fight, flight (run away) or freeze (this goes back to our cavemen days-some predators detect movement so we use to freeze.)
I also learnt that the only way to overcome fear is to confront it. I'm sorry if I've disappointed you but it is really as simple as that. I mean it's simple conceptually but I know it's very hard in practice. It's what psychiatrists term 'exposure therapy'.
I'm sure I read once that when immunisation occurs, part of the virus is released into the body so that the immune system can build a resistance against it. That's the essence of exposure therapy, exposing yourself to fear so that you can become immune to it or desensitised.
My main fear at that time was physical violence and being attacked again. Obviously I couldn't start fights with people in the street to experience fear but what I did learn was that fear is all the same.
Fear is just adrenaline being released into the body to make us stronger, faster and anaethetised to pain. There are recorded cases of grandmothers being able to lift cars to free trapped children. Whether you are being attacked in the street or in a job interview or giving a speech, fear is the same, it just has varying degrees of intensity, it's a master of disguise.
So what did I do? I decided to overcome one of my biggest fears, which was a fear of heights, in a controlled environment, so that I could learn how to control my fear when placing my body under a similar amount of stress, so that if I ever was attacked again, I would be able to handle it and not 'freeze'.
I did a Tallships Youth Trust voyage in 2008 and climbed the top mast on a moving ship, I did a 14,000ft tandem skydive and abseiled 150ft down a building in 2009 and over 2009/10 I climbed the 3 biggest mountains in the UK, 2 of them within the same 24 hour period.
When you confront one of your biggest fears like that, it gives you so much confidence and self-esteem and it automatically wipes out a lot of smaller fears overnight. Things which once use to worry you seem laughable in comparison.
During this time I also wrote a letter to Prince Charles, the future king of England, to thank him for saving my life through the Prince's Trust. I kept writing the letter and binning it thinking 'why would he want to know about someone like me?' or 'I'll never get a reply' or 'I bet it won't even get to him.' In the end, I grew some balls and sent it. To my complete surprise, I received a reply, first from the Prince's secretary and then from the Prince himself. This made me realise how I was holding myself back in life. To quote Napoleon Hill from 'think and grow rich': 'if you look in the mirror, you will see your best friend and your worst enemy at the same time.'
I started reading a lot of self-helps around this time (2008) particularly the books and articles by Geoff Thompson, a man who was bullied and sexually abused as a child and who went on to overcome his fears by being a nightclub doorman before becoming a world class martial artist and BAFTA winning writer. It was his book on fear which inspired me to overcome my fears.
I began thinking more positively and sent an email to Fiona Phillips, a journalist for the Daily Mirror newspaper, a national newspaper in England. There was a lot of negative media coverage of youths at the time because of knife crime and I was angry and sent her an email explaining how courses like the Prince's Trust could make a difference. To my complete surprise, she wrote an article about me entitled 'inspired by mike's message of hope' which can be viewed online here:
www.mirror.co.uk/news-old/columnists/phillips/2008/07/12/inspired-by-mike-s-message-of-hope-115875-20640586/
The Prince's Trust got in touch with me after seeing this article and I was given a two week work experience placement with a top law firm (which is extremely hard to come by) and the opportunity to write an article for the Metro newspaper during national youth week. I decided to write an article on overcoming fear based on my own experiences and interviewed my personal heroe Geoff Thompson for it. The article can be viewed here:
www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/405294-conquer-your-anxieties-and-fears
Since 2008 I took a couple of years out and worked full time. I started running last year and completed 2 full marathons and 1 half marathon. I have also been volunteering for over a year at the Citizens Advice Bureau which has given me a lot of experience in interviewing and advising clients and using the telehpone. (I use to be terrified of making phonecalls, my mum was still booking doctors appointments for me up until about the age of 18.)
I started law school in 2010 and I have my last exam this Tuesday, I hope to become a lawyer in the future.
The reason I have made this thread is to show you that I was very shy and had no confidence and no self-esteem and I have managed to break away from that and achieve a lot of things, and you can too. Your past does not equal your future. I consider suicide at one point but I'm glad I never because you never know what is around the corner. Two quotes I like are 'the darkest hour of your life is only 60 minutes long' and 'the closer you get to the light, the darker your shadow becomes.'
You could be on the verge of a massive breakthrough, an epiphany, a turning point in your life and I hope this thread is it. I'm not making all of this up, you can contact me if you have any questions, either by posting in this thread or private messaging me. Don't be shy, I want to help you, that's why I'm posting this in the first place. There is no ulterior motive here, I'm not trying to sell you something, I just know what it feels like to be shy and insecure and to feel that your future is hopeless.
I believe everything in life, good or bad, is a learning experience. It makes us stronger, it makes us who we are, it's character building. Being attacked and having my head stamped on in the street was the best thing that ever happened to me because it inspired me to overcome my fears, which made me a much stronger person. I've suffered bereavement (my best friend, dad and step dad), I've been attacked twice and I've survived two house fires. I'm still soldiering on though, I'm still fighting and I'm still achieving and you can too!
every 1000 mile journey begins with a first step...make that step today.
This post will be long and it may seem like I'm blowing my own trumpet but I'm merely trying to illustrate how far I've come in the hope of inspiring others to do the same. It may seem long-winded at times, but trust me, there is a point to everything I'm telling you.
I was always very shy growing up, quiet and lacking confidence. I remember attending confirmation classes when I was 16 years old and I would physically shake because I was in a room full of strangers.
I finished high school at 16 and went through a difficult time in my life. My father had just passed away, I split up with my first ever girlfriend and I failed two medicals for the Royal Navy which was my dream job. It was too late to enrol at college and I couldn't get a job because I had no experience and no confidence in interviews.
My mum decided to enrol me on a Prince's Trust self-development course as that was the only college course available to me at that time. (My mum made all decisions for me in life at that stage because I was too insecure and shy to make my own choices.) The Prince's Trust is a charity set up by Prince Charles in England for 16-25 year olds and it basically helps young people to get jobs or education by giving them the skills they need.
The 12 week course completely transformed me and I felt confidence and self-esteem for the first time in my life. I finished the course in 2003 and started volunteering full time in a British Heart Foundation charity shop. I chose the BHF because my dad died of a heart attack but also because I wanted to maintain the confidence the Prince's Trust had given me. I knew I could only do this if I took myself out of my comfort zone and worked in a retail environment were I would have to serve customers and develop my inter-personal skills.
I volunteered there until I started college where I completed a BTEC national diploma in public and uniformed services as I was still hoping to join the navy at that point (once my knee had healed.) The Prince's Trust inspired me to achieve good grades at college so my tutors persuaded me to go to university.
I enrolled on a law degree at Liverpool John Moore's University in 2005 and graduated in 2008. In 2006 I was mugged in the street and hospitalised. I was angry at the time but other than that, it didn't really have an effect on me. In 2007 I was attacked again in the street by the same two people and hospitalised again. This as a big turning point in my life.
At this stage, I became extremely paranoid and was living my life in fear on a daily basis, wondering each day whether it would be my last. I even bought a bullet proof vest for stab protection. I realised I couldn't carry on living my life in fear so I decided to confront and overcome my fears after reading 'fear-the friend of exceptional people' by Geoff Thompson.
The book taught me that fear is a natural feeling designed to keep us alive and that I wasn't a coward for feeling fear. When put in a dangerous situation, we enter 'fight, flight or freeze' syndrome. We can can either fight, flight (run away) or freeze (this goes back to our cavemen days-some predators detect movement so we use to freeze.)
I also learnt that the only way to overcome fear is to confront it. I'm sorry if I've disappointed you but it is really as simple as that. I mean it's simple conceptually but I know it's very hard in practice. It's what psychiatrists term 'exposure therapy'.
I'm sure I read once that when immunisation occurs, part of the virus is released into the body so that the immune system can build a resistance against it. That's the essence of exposure therapy, exposing yourself to fear so that you can become immune to it or desensitised.
My main fear at that time was physical violence and being attacked again. Obviously I couldn't start fights with people in the street to experience fear but what I did learn was that fear is all the same.
Fear is just adrenaline being released into the body to make us stronger, faster and anaethetised to pain. There are recorded cases of grandmothers being able to lift cars to free trapped children. Whether you are being attacked in the street or in a job interview or giving a speech, fear is the same, it just has varying degrees of intensity, it's a master of disguise.
So what did I do? I decided to overcome one of my biggest fears, which was a fear of heights, in a controlled environment, so that I could learn how to control my fear when placing my body under a similar amount of stress, so that if I ever was attacked again, I would be able to handle it and not 'freeze'.
I did a Tallships Youth Trust voyage in 2008 and climbed the top mast on a moving ship, I did a 14,000ft tandem skydive and abseiled 150ft down a building in 2009 and over 2009/10 I climbed the 3 biggest mountains in the UK, 2 of them within the same 24 hour period.
When you confront one of your biggest fears like that, it gives you so much confidence and self-esteem and it automatically wipes out a lot of smaller fears overnight. Things which once use to worry you seem laughable in comparison.
During this time I also wrote a letter to Prince Charles, the future king of England, to thank him for saving my life through the Prince's Trust. I kept writing the letter and binning it thinking 'why would he want to know about someone like me?' or 'I'll never get a reply' or 'I bet it won't even get to him.' In the end, I grew some balls and sent it. To my complete surprise, I received a reply, first from the Prince's secretary and then from the Prince himself. This made me realise how I was holding myself back in life. To quote Napoleon Hill from 'think and grow rich': 'if you look in the mirror, you will see your best friend and your worst enemy at the same time.'
I started reading a lot of self-helps around this time (2008) particularly the books and articles by Geoff Thompson, a man who was bullied and sexually abused as a child and who went on to overcome his fears by being a nightclub doorman before becoming a world class martial artist and BAFTA winning writer. It was his book on fear which inspired me to overcome my fears.
I began thinking more positively and sent an email to Fiona Phillips, a journalist for the Daily Mirror newspaper, a national newspaper in England. There was a lot of negative media coverage of youths at the time because of knife crime and I was angry and sent her an email explaining how courses like the Prince's Trust could make a difference. To my complete surprise, she wrote an article about me entitled 'inspired by mike's message of hope' which can be viewed online here:
www.mirror.co.uk/news-old/columnists/phillips/2008/07/12/inspired-by-mike-s-message-of-hope-115875-20640586/
The Prince's Trust got in touch with me after seeing this article and I was given a two week work experience placement with a top law firm (which is extremely hard to come by) and the opportunity to write an article for the Metro newspaper during national youth week. I decided to write an article on overcoming fear based on my own experiences and interviewed my personal heroe Geoff Thompson for it. The article can be viewed here:
www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/405294-conquer-your-anxieties-and-fears
Since 2008 I took a couple of years out and worked full time. I started running last year and completed 2 full marathons and 1 half marathon. I have also been volunteering for over a year at the Citizens Advice Bureau which has given me a lot of experience in interviewing and advising clients and using the telehpone. (I use to be terrified of making phonecalls, my mum was still booking doctors appointments for me up until about the age of 18.)
I started law school in 2010 and I have my last exam this Tuesday, I hope to become a lawyer in the future.
The reason I have made this thread is to show you that I was very shy and had no confidence and no self-esteem and I have managed to break away from that and achieve a lot of things, and you can too. Your past does not equal your future. I consider suicide at one point but I'm glad I never because you never know what is around the corner. Two quotes I like are 'the darkest hour of your life is only 60 minutes long' and 'the closer you get to the light, the darker your shadow becomes.'
You could be on the verge of a massive breakthrough, an epiphany, a turning point in your life and I hope this thread is it. I'm not making all of this up, you can contact me if you have any questions, either by posting in this thread or private messaging me. Don't be shy, I want to help you, that's why I'm posting this in the first place. There is no ulterior motive here, I'm not trying to sell you something, I just know what it feels like to be shy and insecure and to feel that your future is hopeless.
I believe everything in life, good or bad, is a learning experience. It makes us stronger, it makes us who we are, it's character building. Being attacked and having my head stamped on in the street was the best thing that ever happened to me because it inspired me to overcome my fears, which made me a much stronger person. I've suffered bereavement (my best friend, dad and step dad), I've been attacked twice and I've survived two house fires. I'm still soldiering on though, I'm still fighting and I'm still achieving and you can too!
every 1000 mile journey begins with a first step...make that step today.
That or sink completely! 
But yeah...pushing through fear sometimes comes with surprising/good results. (I always hate saying that, though, fearing I'll jinx myself. 
) 