why girls like men who treat them like bad?

[Sexy Spork #37]

It's a myth. The majority of girls don't, and the few who do everyone should stay away from.

I think for the few, it's probably that age old psychiatrist bailiwick: unresolved childhood issues.

You'll find most of the few came difficult backgrounds - abusive families or partners, bullying, and sometimes psychological issues. As they grow up, this background became some kind of Stockholm Syndrome. Every relationship they find themselves in, they want to be treated bad because that's the only life they've ever known, and it's not an easy mentality to break.

And for the rest of the few, they're probably just sadists.

I think one of the common misconceptions is that you hear people saying "oh, she's one of those people who likes being treated badly..." with the error there being 'one of those', making people think that it is common when actually that person is just having a mental breakdown. But they end up being labelled and it creates a cascade effect of everybody thinking this is extremely common.

[strawberrysweetie]

My question is...is this question out of concern for someone or out of interest for someone that you're interested in?

If the former applies, I'm sorry, and I don't necessarily know what else to say. If the latter applies...my advice would be to open your eyes to other girls around you. Because apparently you're...as they say....'looking for love in all the wrong places'.......

Anyway, the "bad boys" typically go after what they want. Women like to be desired. These men outwardly express it. It's harsh...I wouldn't want to be a male for this reason, since you're expected to make the first move...but it is what it is. Someone who can be bold can be seen as appealing.

As for putting up with men's shit and abuse, it's commonly said that most women think they can change the men they are with.

There's a popular saying: "Men marry women thinking they'll never change, but they do. Women marry men thinking they'll change, but they never do."

As far as I've seen/heard, that seems to be accurate.

And anyway...some men also go for the bad girls too, you know, so...just saying. So I don't know why this always turns into a big issue/question. You're just tunnel-visioned in on the wrong girls.

[anticrank]

Interesting post. I thought I would add my input since I have have friend who's in a relationship with a complete alcoholic, abusive, loser asshole (who she now dislikes and has admitted to me many times that she regrets meeting him.) I can empathise and say that this has to be the single most frustrating, and sometimes demoralizing part of the mating game.

I've also heard that some women feel that they can change a bad guy for the worse and get a kick out of that, but I wouldn't worry, since that's not universal. I've also read that some women find a harsh, aggressive exterior really sexy, yet whena vulnerable side is shown, that can create alluring attraction. Again, don't worry, since I would argue that that is a matter of personal taste to a large degree. But even so, there are many other ways in which that kind of attraction can be aroused. I've heard that some say the bad boy type has an air of mystery about them that some women find attractive. On that point I have great news, since some find guys that are shy to have exactly that same air of mystery about them. So please bear this in mind.

Firstly I would agree with Sexy Spork and say that it really is a minority of girls that go for the real assholes. From my experience it has only been the real chavvy girls that do (those of you not from the UK feel free to ask for a definition of 'chav'). Those girls that like the gansta culture I think are to be given a wide birth. It is a case of stockholm syndrome in many cases. Abusive, domestically violent relationships are NOT pretty things. To a guy who's meeting women this may seem frustrating on the surface, yet when you look at the circumstances of girls that are in that situation, it's fucking ugly! It's like watching something dying! Trust me. I won't go into details. Also, there is a know personality disorder that makes women go after the real psychos, but fortunately, these are in a very, very small minority.

I also agree with what Strawberry says in that those men that express how they feel towards a woman can turn them on. I think that the bad boys (I hate generalising so much ) tend as a group to be more forward and simply take the initiative. On the other and; firstly; not all women like men that are forward, secondly a nice, sensitive guy can actually be a refreshing change to many women, so don't rule out that possibility.

That's all I can think of at the moment. Hope it helps.

[missklew]

People are very good at hiding their flaws and know how to say and do all the right things.

People want what is hard to get. That is human nature.

There are plenty of guys who like psychos too.

There was a poster on here who kept falling for scammers from 3rd world countries. He finally ended p marrying one who he flew over and married her on the 2nd day they met. It turns out she was already married to someone else and he didn't even know her real name. Did he dump her after all the lies he found out? Nope. He just made excuses for her. He thought she was attractive and that was all that mattered. She could have bbqed kittens and he would have put up with it.

[ura]

Link to that thread?

[Rose]

I don't.

Growing up, I had the good example of how my parents treated each other nicely and with respect and love. Anything else seems foreign to me.
I always was good at spotting red flags quickly. Nasty behavior has no place in a relationship, and I wouldn't tolerate it.

[missklew]

Jan 25, 2012 4:40:36 GMT -5 ura said:

Link to that thread?

He didn't post about it online about it except at a scammer site which she found what he was posting and made him remove it or else lol.

He was someone I had an online friendship with for about 10 years and his "wife" made him get rid of me because I was making him think.

It would take a novel to tell the entire story.

In the 10 years I knew him he was duped by 4 scammers. He would meet them on adult chats. Most of them were Philippine, one was Middle Eastern. All turned out to be married to someone else. But, after everything fell apart, he would be right back on the Asian sex chat bragging about how 20 young Asian hotties wanted to be with him.

[robini123]

Many, not all, but many women like badboys. Why? I have no clear idea... but I have a few opinions. A few years ago I was dating. I get mistaken for a badboy because I am 6'4" long hair, have a tattoo, and been playing Heavy Metal guitar since 1987. At first glance this can give a woman the illusion that I am a badboy... but I assure you that I am not.

IMO the worship of the proverbial badboy is about sex. Like only badboys know how to get wild in bed. But in reality... after talking with many women over time, many so called badboys are very selfish lovers... while us more "sensitive types" are much better lovers because we are considerate lovers. Men, you want to drive a woman wild? It is simple, find out what she likes, listen... I mean really listen... not only to her words. A woman can say a thousand words through body language, while the self absorbed badboy may miss this, us more sensitive types seem better at picking this up.

Being shy sucks, no doubt about it, but there some good points to be made about to being sensitive so long as its not to the oversensitive shy extreme.

But rather than pondering why some women are like a moth to the flame in their desire for the badboys... forget the badboys... look for a sensible woman who wants stability and happiness... not chaos and drama.

And here is a little secret from an aging shy guy... the uber confident macho badboys use their badboy image as a mask to hide all their insecurities... its all smoke and mirrors folks. I would rather be sensitive and emotionally open, then egotistical and emotionally closed off.

I laugh at the thought of badboys now days... they see themselves as strong... I see them as shallow afraid and weak. A real man sees his limitations and is not afraid to admit it... while the badboy hides behind a facade hoping that the skeletons in his closet never see the light of day.

Just my opinion though.

[anticrank]

"And here is a little secret from an aging shy guy... the uber confident macho badboys use their badboy image as a mask to hide all their insecurities... its all smoke and mirrors folks. I would rather be sensitive and emotionally open, then egotistical and emotionally closed off.

I laugh at the thought of badboys now days... they see themselves as strong... I see them as shallow afraid and weak. A real man sees his limitations and is not afraid to admit it... while the badboy hides behind a facade hoping that the skeletons in his closet never see the light of day.

Read more: shyunited.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=shyr&action=post&thread=9672&page=1#ixzz2DcpYOwF7"

Absolutely. A lot of those seemingly macho guys are nothing other than little boys in men's bodies. YOu know, that types that puff their chests out, are always bragging, or worse, putting others down to make themselves feel better. Any girl who finds that attractive and manly is probably best avoided.

Being emotionally open, and not being afraid to show your weak points is in fact a very admirable quality. Emotionally healthy women find that attractive. Don't forget, that if you're shy, you might also be better than a lot of those seemingly macho guys at understanding, talking openly and be better placed to relate to people's emotions. This is a HUGE bonus. To a lot of women, that would in fact come as a refreshing change.

[robini123]

Nov 29, 2012 10:31:22 GMT -5 anticrank said:

" Being emotionally open, and not being afraid to show your weak points is in fact a very admirable quality. Emotionally healthy women find that attractive. Don't forget, that if you're shy, you might also be better than a lot of those seemingly macho guys at understanding, talking openly and be better placed to relate to people's emotions. This is a HUGE bonus. To a lot of women, that would in fact come as a refreshing change.

Indeed. My wife comments on how refreshing it is to have a man who can listen and cares about her feelings. She brags about me every chance she gets. To me, it only makes sense, if I want to be listened to, my feelings to be respected, then I need to listen to my wife and respect her feelings and opinions. A relationship is a two way street.

[morefoolme]

This is one of the most confusing things I've ever encountered about women.

I realize not every woman is like this, and I generally avoid generalizing...but it is kind of true. Although it goes for nice girls and bad girls as well...generally the most good looking women have also the worst personalities.

I just want a nice, shy, geeky girl who shares my interests...but they're hard to find.

[Astroruss]

Mar 9, 2013 7:30:39 GMT -5 morefoolme said:

This is one of the most confusing things I've ever encountered about women.

I realize not every woman is like this, and I generally avoid generalizing...but it is kind of true.

I forget who the original poster of this thread was, but I think he was referring to the women pursuing the bad boy confident type of men, the dangerous exiting risk takers.

Most women would say they don't go for this type, and that's true. But some women go for them, that is also true. I think they're attracted to the abusive bad boy's apparent strength and dicretion. They see his dominance and mistake it for confidence and ability. These are the kinds of men that end up hurting them, and yes, it's very confusing seeing them try and try to make it work with these men and encountering more heartbreak and sometimes physical abuse.

Although it goes for nice girls and bad girls as well...generally the most good looking women have also the worst personalities.

These are the alpha female types, the ones that are trained andn conditioned to act like Samantha and Carrie of Sex and the City, and other similar celebrity types. Ultra Feminazism has taught them to act like the macho bad boy alpha Male jerk type and this will empower them and make them appear stronger and thus more desireable.