Post by gaia on Nov 13, 2012 8:27:44 GMT -5
Well, that's the aim of this post anyway.
I'd say i've come a long way in terms of my shyness/social anxiety over the past couple of years, and maybe just wanted to share a bit what's helped me - hopefully it might help somebody else too. I'm not saying my way is the best or only way, but I wanted to share reguardless.
Medication can help
Yeah, it's controversial, but I found being on a small dose of an anti-depressant did a lot to help my social anxiety.
For me I was getting caught up in my own head, sitting there analysing myself and other people's reaction to me. The physical side of my anxiety was painful, i'd feel my heart race even contemplating putting in my two pence worth on whether or not I think so-and-so should win the X factor. It was really daft and irrational (it always is though, isn't it?).
But for me, medication helped break through that barrier and enabled me to start taking the first steps in dealing with my shyness.
Getting out there
.. is the hardest thing. But I soon realised that I wasn't the only person "out there", turning up to things on my own. Sometimes it's good to start going to things where minimal talking is required. I found a really cool dance class. There were no set moves, you were just instructed to dance how you felt. Burning off that energy of the anxiety through movement helped a lot, and at times we were asked to work in pairs. Though initially terrified, I was soon put at ease when I realised small talk was practically discouraged, and you had to let your body do the talking, man.
Dancing might not be your thing, but chose something that is and take the brave step to go along. Perhaps there's a talk on at your local library, maybe it's a drumming circle or a craft club. Something where there is an activity to be getting on with, because this takes the strain off of the whole socialising malarkey.
Small Steps
Start with something managable and gradually increase the amount of times you do them. Yes, it's really tempting to go to the self-checkout at the supermarket, but why not try going to a till that's got an actual person on it? You'll be doing them a favour, as i'm sure they're always bored shitless.
Or rather than e-mail or text somebody, pick up the phone and have an actual conversation.
Try not to take it personally
I think us shybies are uber-sensitive, and can easily take things the wrong way. Something really small can seem like a massive rejection.
Also, i've learned now not to project my way of thinking onto other people.
Just because I wouldn't make flippant sarcastic remarks to a complete stranger under any circumstances, it doesn't mean that other people don't.
I've always been shocked when i've heard somebody mutter something under their breath about me.
"Why, oh lord, why are they saying such horrible things? I wouldn't say that no matter how angry or upset I felt. That person must really hate me for saying that..."
Well, actually, that person doesn't really hate me. They genuinely couldn't care less about my existance and will probably never think about what they just said ever again in their life.
Don't attach your own meaning to someone else's actions.
If in doubt
Ask. Check.
Walking around with your head down and never looking anybody in the eye is just asking for misunderstanding.
You hear people laughing and assume it's about you? Try looking at them. You'll be surprised, people are pretty much too self-absorbed to even notice you exist.
When it all gets too much
Water! Let me explain.
When you know you're going to be in a situation where you're going to be uncomfortable, take a bottle of water with you.
When I drink, I find I don't hyperventillate. By stopping your breathing momentarily by taking a sip of water, you'll slow your breathing down.
Secondly, I always love being able to drink when I feel awkward. Because nobody expects you to talk when you've got your mouthful. If it goes silent and you feel uncomfortable, sip away until the conversation starts up again.
So there, that's just a few tidbits of my journey so far. I'm sure i'll think of more and maybe add to it. I hope someone reads it and something clicks, if not - i'm actually just glad i've had some airtime.
I'd say i've come a long way in terms of my shyness/social anxiety over the past couple of years, and maybe just wanted to share a bit what's helped me - hopefully it might help somebody else too. I'm not saying my way is the best or only way, but I wanted to share reguardless.
Medication can help
Yeah, it's controversial, but I found being on a small dose of an anti-depressant did a lot to help my social anxiety.
For me I was getting caught up in my own head, sitting there analysing myself and other people's reaction to me. The physical side of my anxiety was painful, i'd feel my heart race even contemplating putting in my two pence worth on whether or not I think so-and-so should win the X factor. It was really daft and irrational (it always is though, isn't it?).
But for me, medication helped break through that barrier and enabled me to start taking the first steps in dealing with my shyness.
Getting out there
.. is the hardest thing. But I soon realised that I wasn't the only person "out there", turning up to things on my own. Sometimes it's good to start going to things where minimal talking is required. I found a really cool dance class. There were no set moves, you were just instructed to dance how you felt. Burning off that energy of the anxiety through movement helped a lot, and at times we were asked to work in pairs. Though initially terrified, I was soon put at ease when I realised small talk was practically discouraged, and you had to let your body do the talking, man.
Dancing might not be your thing, but chose something that is and take the brave step to go along. Perhaps there's a talk on at your local library, maybe it's a drumming circle or a craft club. Something where there is an activity to be getting on with, because this takes the strain off of the whole socialising malarkey.
Small Steps
Start with something managable and gradually increase the amount of times you do them. Yes, it's really tempting to go to the self-checkout at the supermarket, but why not try going to a till that's got an actual person on it? You'll be doing them a favour, as i'm sure they're always bored shitless.
Or rather than e-mail or text somebody, pick up the phone and have an actual conversation.
Try not to take it personally
I think us shybies are uber-sensitive, and can easily take things the wrong way. Something really small can seem like a massive rejection.
Also, i've learned now not to project my way of thinking onto other people.
Just because I wouldn't make flippant sarcastic remarks to a complete stranger under any circumstances, it doesn't mean that other people don't.
I've always been shocked when i've heard somebody mutter something under their breath about me.
"Why, oh lord, why are they saying such horrible things? I wouldn't say that no matter how angry or upset I felt. That person must really hate me for saying that..."
Well, actually, that person doesn't really hate me. They genuinely couldn't care less about my existance and will probably never think about what they just said ever again in their life.
Don't attach your own meaning to someone else's actions.
If in doubt
Ask. Check.
Walking around with your head down and never looking anybody in the eye is just asking for misunderstanding.
You hear people laughing and assume it's about you? Try looking at them. You'll be surprised, people are pretty much too self-absorbed to even notice you exist.
When it all gets too much
Water! Let me explain.
When you know you're going to be in a situation where you're going to be uncomfortable, take a bottle of water with you.
When I drink, I find I don't hyperventillate. By stopping your breathing momentarily by taking a sip of water, you'll slow your breathing down.
Secondly, I always love being able to drink when I feel awkward. Because nobody expects you to talk when you've got your mouthful. If it goes silent and you feel uncomfortable, sip away until the conversation starts up again.
So there, that's just a few tidbits of my journey so far. I'm sure i'll think of more and maybe add to it. I hope someone reads it and something clicks, if not - i'm actually just glad i've had some airtime.