My Online Boyfriend Shyness Dilemma :/

[onlinedater24]

well.. i,ve dated online most of my life i,ve had a handful of online boyfriends which all ended in breakups some i,m still friends with some of them well heres my dilemma i met a guy recently and its working out so amazingly well i,m so in-love with him and hes so inlove with me hes never talked to a girl in person or ever dated one in person or had a girlfriend and either have i he told me today he originally wanted to see what its like to have a girlfriend and said now he fell in-love with me and i know he couldn't picture himself with any other girl but me ;D but the problem is i,m very shy with him at times i,ve talked on the microphone to him and on the telephone sometimes i wasn't shy on mic sometimes i am he told me to buy a cam at first i wouldn't but then i did hes in another country for his job right now when he gets home he,ll want to see me on cam eventually microphones easier for me then being on cam i,ve never owned a cam or have i ever been on one with anyone especially a guy i,m afraid i,ll look very shy on a cam and hide my face like a child or blush or look a darn fool lol on the cam hhaha what should i do if one day he asks me to go that cam i make up excuses i say its not hooked up yet which its not and i dont know how to hook it and only my stepdad does which those are all true theories but also excuses ;D that i make so i dont have go on cam cus i am so shy of going cam for him arggg what should do when the time comes and he asks me go on cam and he dont take my excuses anymore and overcome my shyness with him period?? advice please

[Crashtastic]

Welp, as you said he's shy too, so I would imagine he's not going to judge you for looking shy. Have you told him that you're shy? If so, its not like its any mystery. I say do it! It might be scary at first, but it really isn't all that bad once you just get up the courage and do it. It'll give you a little rush and that can be fun lol I know it seems scary and all but just say (pardon my language) fuck it. That always works for me.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I would avoid getting super emotionally attached with "seeing someone" online. Especially before you've even met the dude. People can come across one way online and totally different in person. Not that that is your case but its better to save those emotions for when you can get to know someone and spend time with them in person. I know that you probably get along well and he's shy and you're shy so it seems like it all fits. It takes more than just that. I've been there. I know its fun. Those love feelings, but in a situation where things don't work out, it just hurts a whole lot more. I have been there...many times. Online and not lol Just save the 'I love yous' for a relationship that is concrete, and you know exactly where you stand...in person.

[onlinedater24]

it was not working with the others but hes not like any other guy hes says he not just my boyfriend online but also offline he dont even consider me his online girlfriend i,m just his girlfriend with no online infront of it

[robini123]

Nov 28, 2012 20:16:18 GMT -5 onlinedater24 said:

well.. i,ve dated online most of my life i,ve had a handful of online boyfriends which all ended in breakups some i,m still friends with some of them well heres my dilemma i met a guy recently and its working out so amazingly well i,m so in-love with him and hes so inlove with me hes never talked to a girl in person or ever dated one in person or had a girlfriend and either have i he told me today he originally wanted to see what its like to have a girlfriend and said now he fell in-love with me and i know he couldn't picture himself with any other girl but me ;D but the problem is i,m very shy with him at times i,ve talked on the microphone to him and on the telephone sometimes i wasn't shy on mic sometimes i am he told me to buy a cam at first i wouldn't but then i did hes in another country for his job right now when he gets home he,ll want to see me on cam eventually microphones easier for me then being on cam i,ve never owned a cam or have i ever been on one with anyone especially a guy i,m afraid i,ll look very shy on a cam and hide my face like a child or blush or look a darn fool lol on the cam hhaha what should i do if one day he asks me to go that cam i make up excuses i say its not hooked up yet which its not and i dont know how to hook it and only my stepdad does which those are all true theories but also excuses ;D that i make so i dont have go on cam cus i am so shy of going cam for him arggg what should do when the time comes and he asks me go on cam and he dont take my excuses anymore and overcome my shyness with him period?? advice please

First off be honest with him. Quit stalling on the webcam thing and just tell him that you are nervous. If you are not ready for the webcam tell him you need some time to build up to that. If he really cares about you he will understand. A relationship MUST be based on honesty... anything less, and you will have a dysfunctional mess.

As for your shyness, perhaps you are putting the horse before the cart. What I mean by that is perhaps you need to work on the shyness more before diving into a relationship. I am not saying you are... but its something to consider... if you have not already.

Speaking for myself... I can fall in love at the drop of a hat. Seriously, I married the first woman who hit on me at 27... biggest mistake of my life because I married her for all the wrong reasons... she hit on me and I was lonely and desperate for affection.

Love is a complex thing when it comes to romantic relations. It fills us with euphoria while at the same time it blinds us. You say that you have had a handful of online boyfriends which all ended in breakups. Have you looked at your online dating failures to identify any possible problems that need some attention? If not then you risk making the same mistake over and over... believe me, I speak from personal experience here.

I don't know you so I cannot speak intelligently on your predicament, but I do hope that something I said has been a help.

[onlinedater24]

well @ robini i have looked at the reasons i did not jump into this we just both fell in love hes really sweet and non judge mental the other break ups ended cus the guys were jerks hes not a jerk what so ever at all. hes nice and polite n he never could see himself with anyone else but me he told me that i love everything about him and he me also and i didint get into this because i was desperate for love i,m in it because he treats me so kind and loving the other guys i had bad feelings about there were red flags with them he has no red flags at all we are always honest in are relationship as for the shy thing if he as a cute pic i,m shy to tell him looks handsome in it or has nice clothes and shoes i leave him an offline message doing that my shyness i doubt will ever fade i just want be less shy and be able to courage to ask him questions and say hes handsome i just want to get a little more relaxed with him and lil less shy and nervous he tells dont be shy with him and i can ask him anything he,ll answer it but when he ask me about the picture and why i asked about i couldn't even respond to him while he was online lol so i left him offline tonite for him to get tommorrow and my stomach had butterflies lol when he ask me why i ask him so how can become more relaxed with him less nervous and less shy any advice girls???

[jwn57030]

I'm not a girl but I can think of one thing from a guy’s perspective. It’s possible he may find your shyness attractive. I know I find some shyness in a girl to be endearing. Some really outgoing type A girls to me can be more of a turn off. I'm not sure if it will help you at all but if you can get the idea in your head that he may actually like some of the shyness then possibly that might help you to relax a little. Short term that's the best I have.

I really hope this can work out and you can have a great relationship. I know one couple that met online and they are happily married, but they didn't have the same issues with shyness that we have. Unfortunately as others have mentioned above I think you need more of a long term solution. I don't really think there are any quick fixes to nervousness and extreme shyness. I used to be an extremely shy person. It has taken me many years of hard work and practice to be able to get just comfortable around girls in person. I am not saying it will have to take that long for you. I have just recently discovered sites like this. I had to work at it for many years without any support.

I used to online date with the idea that because I was shy that this was a good tool to meet people. It took me many years to realize that I was actually using it as more of a shield or crutch. It was an impediment to my social development. From your responses to the others I'm not sure any of this will sink in at this point. Hopefully this will work out and is not a mistake, but sometimes I think we have to make mistakes and get life experience in order to learn and move forward. I don't want to go on for too long, but I had the exact same problem. Even when I overcame the shyness of talking online I eventually had to meet in person. You may not realize it now, but that's a whole new ball game and at that point it only gets harder. I was able to be prince charming online, but the second I met in person the same problems with nervousness and shyness came right back. Those first dates did not go well and there were rarely second ones.

It took me many years to learn and realize this for myself, but I think you really need to address your shyness and nervousness before pursuing a relationship. At some point if you do want to do that I have suggestions you might try and I'm sure some of the others with life experience might have some as well.

[robini123]

Dec 4, 2012 0:56:26 GMT -5 jwn57030 said:

I'm not a girl but I can think of one thing from a guy’s perspective. It’s possible he may find your shyness attractive. I know I find some shyness in a girl to be endearing. Some really outgoing type A girls to me can be more of a turn off. I'm not sure if it will help you at all but if you can get the idea in your head that he may actually like some of the shyness then possibly that might help you to relax a little. Short term that's the best I have.

I really hope this can work out and you can have a great relationship. I know one couple that met online and they are happily married, but they didn't have the same issues with shyness that we have. Unfortunately as others have mentioned above I think you need more of a long term solution. I don't really think there are any quick fixes to nervousness and extreme shyness. I used to be an extremely shy person. It has taken me many years of hard work and practice to be able to get just comfortable around girls in person. I am not saying it will have to take that long for you. I have just recently discovered sites like this. I had to work at it for many years without any support.

I used to online date with the idea that because I was shy that this was a good tool to meet people. It took me many years to realize that I was actually using it as more of a shield or crutch. It was an impediment to my social development. From your responses to the others I'm not sure any of this will sink in at this point. Hopefully this will work out and is not a mistake, but sometimes I think we have to make mistakes and get life experience in order to learn and move forward. I don't want to go on for too long, but I had the exact same problem. Even when I overcame the shyness of talking online I eventually had to meet in person. You may not realize it now, but that's a whole new ball game and at that point it only gets harder. I was able to be prince charming online, but the second I met in person the same problems with nervousness and shyness came right back. Those first dates did not go well and there were rarely second ones.

It took me many years to learn and realize this for myself, but I think you really need to address your shyness and nervousness before pursuing a relationship. At some point if you do want to do that I have suggestions you might try and I'm sure some of the others with life experience might have some as well.

I hear ya.

I met my wife on a dating website in 2010. Generally I would talk to a woman for a few days or weeks before asking them out for coffee. Talking online was easy for me, it was the face to face that was tough. But I always managed to control my anxiety and would come across at least fairly confident. My wife is very shy, so when we met face to face for the first time I had no anxiety or shyness because I felt safe with her. She on the other hand was a nervous wreck... but because I have suffered from shyness I was able to place her at ease and we had a wonderful first meeting.

I too have by in large conquered my shyness... and I am not even sure how I did it. I am 47 so perhaps age, experience and wisdom are to thank.

Dating when shy is a huge challenge, and it is those face to face meetings that make us grow. When I was young to be rejected by a woman would destroy me. As a middle aged man, I just saw it for what it is... different strokes for different folks. I am not everyone's cup of tea... and that is fine.

I do not know about anyone else, but my shyness was based on an extreme fear of not being accepted. I based my self worth on what others said... and as we all know "others" can be very cruel. I think my recovery really began once I quit basing my self-esteem on what others said about me.

[msshylove24]

well changed my name. since this i have been going on cam with him not covering my face as much i go on cam more often then not now a days but when hes away for awhile he comes back online i am still more shy again i actually call him on the phone but i cant even speak when he answers so just end up hanging up on him lol hahahaha i usually say since we far away i lost the call that lie is getting way old lol what should i do we been dating for 5 months now and this shyness is still somewhat stalling me from saying things that is on my mind calling him on the phone are my two issues now my mom said take a deep breath and just be myself and go but i never when he,ll answer so i don't know i should take the breath lol that i want say to him and still get nervous alot he knows i am shy i told him that so he does know but he loves me so much i think he just puts up with it (shyness) because he doesn't complain about it i just need be more relaxed with him and maybe my shyness wont be burden as much hope some of you can help me relax a little with advice