cilantro
New Member
Just a little kick!
Posts: 17
|
Post by cilantro on Mar 31, 2013 23:11:03 GMT -5
I'm wondering what everyone's experiences and opinions are on this.
When I was in middle school I had some good luck and fell into a small circle of friends one lunch period mostly by chance. I only wound up being close to one of these girls, but she was a social butterfly from the start and often invited me out and gave me opportunities to be around people outside of school. I attribute a lot of my progress over the years to her, because I know that if nobody was motivating me to go out and talk to people I might not have had anybody at all to help me and keep me grounded when things were at their worst.
From her and a friend I've met during college I think I've improved my social skills and confidence with people. I've never been a very good communicator offline, but I've been able to pick up on better body language and conversational skills from observing how they talk to me as well as to other people. I've always been a chronic worrier, too, but some of the carefree thought patterns have rubbed off on me ("If he can be a goof, why can't I?").
I've heard some people say that they clash with more outgoing people, but I tend to think they've met the outgoing, obnoxious ones.
|
|
|
Post by Sexy Spork #37 on Apr 1, 2013 7:02:23 GMT -5
When I was in primary, I spent much of my time alone. I had one close friend but we fell out of touch after school finished. It was the '90s. We didn't have mobile phones, the internet, and we didn't live that close. It was always gonna happen.
I spent the first three years of secondary by myself. Not bullied, but ignored, which can feel worse. Whenever I sat near anyone during class, diner, break, they just moved away. Until Year 9, we used to be allowed out of the school. There was a big avenue of trees next to the school. I used to sit under one of them (they were really tall and chunky) and keep myself busy. Listen to my music. Do homework. Left me with free time after school to do... nothing, really. Didn't have a TV, mobile's were expensive, nobody had the internet. Still don't have a mobile. Hate them. Pointless inventions. What happened to carrier pigeons? I miss the old days.
Around Year 9/Year 10, I had become close to some people in my classes. We saw each other in school and one very rarely outside of school. We became friends with a larger group of people who were nice. Didn't say much, never saw them outside of school, but for the first time, I felt a part of something. It was just nice being with the group. And it was a large group.
I went to college. UK college. Not university. Between school and uni. Most of the group I knew in secondary were in the college. Nothing changed much. Still didn't see them outside of college. Not much changed. They did ask me around to parties, to go to the picture house, to the pub, or away somewhere. Always said no.
When I left that college, I went to another one because I was too stupid to get into university. That was more of a leap of faith because the class was all considerably younger than me and I knew none of them. I got on with them but never said much. Some were always asking me questions, others treated me like the next guy, which is all I wanted. They were lovely people. I miss them.
I actually revelled in it. No matter what questions they asked me, I usually didn't answer. "Where do you live?" "Meh, just a place". Stuff like that. "Favourite colour?" "What? People have favourite colours? When did that start?" I'm really out of touch with everything. I don't listen to music radio so when people ask me if I've heard a song, I react like an 80-year-old man would if he'd been deaf since 1950. I like it. My own little bubble.
This group of people were always trying to get me to go out with them. Inviting me to various things. Bless them. They tried. If there's one thing you cannot fault them for, it's that for two years they never gave up. And nether did I. Never said yes.
They were all very different. All of them outgoing. The ones who weren't left because they couldn't cope. Last man standing, me. I got on with the class. One lived near me. She always told me she was coming round, never did. She wanted to, but she knew I didn't want her to. She was really outgoing. Full of life. Lovely girl. She always talked to me on the bus and I was always thinking, "What do I say? I never talk to anyone unless I need to! You know, like, 'Where's the bathroom?'"
Suffice to say, things have gotten worse. Still can't really talk to people, still never go out, still have no friends - this site and my blogs are my only real connection to the outside world.
But I've accepted it. There's nothing wrong with being shy. Extroverts never try to become introverts so why should introverts try to become extroverts? If you can function in day-to-day life, then that's all that matters. I don't mind being alone and friendless. I'm happy. I'm alive. I have my family. I used to have a goldfish. She died. Poor thing. Still haven't got over that. Sometimes I can still hear her landing on my desk as she flopped out of the tank. Anywho...
Everyone's different. Life is difficult but you learn to cope.
Nice to see things have worked out for for cilantro. Keep going. You'll get there in the end.
|
|
|
Post by Karen on Apr 1, 2013 9:58:04 GMT -5
I've heard some people say that they clash with more outgoing people, but I tend to think they've met the outgoing, obnoxious ones. I agree. For the most part, I've never had a problem with extroverted people. They can do a lot to make others feel welcome and keep conversations going, which a lot of introverted people may have trouble with. But I've accepted it. There's nothing wrong with being shy. Extroverts never try to become introverts so why should introverts try to become extroverts? If you can function in day-to-day life, then that's all that matters. I think that's very well put. As long as you're happy with your life, it doesn't matter what that life consists of.
|
|
cilantro
New Member
Just a little kick!
Posts: 17
|
Post by cilantro on Apr 1, 2013 15:31:57 GMT -5
@sexy Spork: You wouldn't be the first person I've met with a story like that. One of my online friends is very isolated in his (approaching) old age, and while I've been coming out of my shell I think that's the way things go for some people. Some of us change it, and some of us just change our attitudes toward it. To touch in this in particular, though... But I've accepted it. There's nothing wrong with being shy. Extroverts never try to become introverts so why should introverts try to become extroverts? If you can function in day-to-day life, then that's all that matters. I think if you’re not happy, it's sensible to try to become happy through some means. That’s always been an unspoken rule of survival to me that I didn’t truly take to heart until a few years ago. Drink when thirsty, defend when in danger, break free when bound, and change when not getting the desired results. We’re more than the set of traits we’re born with, both physical and mental, so while some of them may be the best expression of ourselves for better or for worse there’s similarly nothing wrong with deciding that you’re not satisfied with something and trying to change. Living a life where I was forced into isolation by my own fears rather than willingly choosing a low-key social life was very unhappy. It wasn't the life of an introvert with big dreams but only a few real contacts; it was a cage.
|
|
|
Post by Sexy Spork #37 on Apr 1, 2013 17:13:37 GMT -5
I think what I was saying is that it shouldn't feel like an obligation. You shouldn't think, 'I'm shy, ergo I need to be extroverted'. Certainly, it's important to do what you want to do to make yourself happy. As long as it's legal, of course. Don't go getting high, now. Stay in school...
I'm sure there are extroverts who feel the opposite. Who'd like a quieter life.
There are parts of being shy that suck. It can feel like a cage. There are parts of being extroverted that suck. It can feel like being naked in a busy street.
Life is about many things, but the pursuit of happiness is one of the most important.
We're all different, at the end of the day.
|
|