Post by jwn57030 on May 29, 2013 20:43:53 GMT -5
After I have been posting and reading posts for several months now something has occurred to me. I see a lot of posts where people are trying to run before they learn to walk, or focusing on a big goal instead of all the little steps it will take to accomplish one big thing. I really think this is where I see many people on here getting stuck. On good example are people asking about dealing with online boyfriends/girlfriends but yet are not able to deal with people in person in anything but superficial terms. I think I have given advice in vain on this in the past telling them that they should fix there other issues first before pursing a boyfriend/ girlfriend.
To spare people who do not wish to read my entire post, Below I tell my story of how I finally learned to walk before I run and how much success I am now having in my life. It took me 12 years to realize that I needed to step back and walk first before I could run. Now that I have, it has only taken me months to make more progress in my life than I did in the previous 12. I wish I had stopped trying to desperately date and just had taken the time to fix myself many years ago. Even though this attempt may be in vain again, I hope it will at least help one person to improve their life as I have improved mine. Also this may be last post as I was using this message board to teach myself to be more open and less afraid to share parts of me. I think I have accomplished that goal and now I know I am ready to devote more time to building in person relationships.
Lastly I wish everyone on this board happiness and the strength to overcome your fears, so you may take little steps every day towards improving your lives.
My Story:
Looking back on my life I think running before I walk has been a huge problem for me. Before college and for my first couple years of college I was a very shy person that kept much to myself. Through some dumb luck and practice I was slowly able to improve this. Then I ran into one giant bump in my life for about 12 years. I was desperate to find a girlfriend and not be alone. I tried online dating and got really good at conversing with people online, but when I went to meet in person my shyness, low self esteem, and insecurities completely screwed it up. It only took me until I was almost 30 years old to realize that I had been going about finding a girlfriend entirely the wrong way. I couldn’t find or keep a girlfriend until I fixed my personal issues first. My desperation had kept me from figuring that out for way too long.
But what could I do to fix my problems? I came up with the idea of searching amazon for self-help books on shyness. I found a book called “From Shy To Social: The Shy Man’s Guide To Personal & Dating Success.” After reading several pages it really spoke to me. The author had suffered through shyness and I found many things he wrote to be true of myself. More importantly he iterated how he overcame his shyness and he gave great advice on how to take it one step at a time. The first step was joining online forums, which is why I originally joined this group. This had several purposes: being less selfish by trying to congratulate people on good posts, learn to respectfully debate and disagree with people so you are less afraid of confrontation, and just generally being more open and able to express yourself. After that there are things like asking cashiers at the store how their day is? At first it felt uncomfortable , but its amazing how I am able to have a several minute conversation with a cashier now.
By practicing these and other things in the book, plus some other things I have stumbled on myself in life, I have addressed many of my issues with selfishness, low self-esteem, my insecurities, and shyness. Now I have found a girlfriend that I am comfortable sharing almost anything with and I may now have found a new friend to hang out with. The funny thing is that I really didn’t have to try that hard to get my new friend or girlfriend. As I made more progress on my little steps to address my issues my larger goals seemed to almost naturally come about.
To spare people who do not wish to read my entire post, Below I tell my story of how I finally learned to walk before I run and how much success I am now having in my life. It took me 12 years to realize that I needed to step back and walk first before I could run. Now that I have, it has only taken me months to make more progress in my life than I did in the previous 12. I wish I had stopped trying to desperately date and just had taken the time to fix myself many years ago. Even though this attempt may be in vain again, I hope it will at least help one person to improve their life as I have improved mine. Also this may be last post as I was using this message board to teach myself to be more open and less afraid to share parts of me. I think I have accomplished that goal and now I know I am ready to devote more time to building in person relationships.
Lastly I wish everyone on this board happiness and the strength to overcome your fears, so you may take little steps every day towards improving your lives.
My Story:
Looking back on my life I think running before I walk has been a huge problem for me. Before college and for my first couple years of college I was a very shy person that kept much to myself. Through some dumb luck and practice I was slowly able to improve this. Then I ran into one giant bump in my life for about 12 years. I was desperate to find a girlfriend and not be alone. I tried online dating and got really good at conversing with people online, but when I went to meet in person my shyness, low self esteem, and insecurities completely screwed it up. It only took me until I was almost 30 years old to realize that I had been going about finding a girlfriend entirely the wrong way. I couldn’t find or keep a girlfriend until I fixed my personal issues first. My desperation had kept me from figuring that out for way too long.
But what could I do to fix my problems? I came up with the idea of searching amazon for self-help books on shyness. I found a book called “From Shy To Social: The Shy Man’s Guide To Personal & Dating Success.” After reading several pages it really spoke to me. The author had suffered through shyness and I found many things he wrote to be true of myself. More importantly he iterated how he overcame his shyness and he gave great advice on how to take it one step at a time. The first step was joining online forums, which is why I originally joined this group. This had several purposes: being less selfish by trying to congratulate people on good posts, learn to respectfully debate and disagree with people so you are less afraid of confrontation, and just generally being more open and able to express yourself. After that there are things like asking cashiers at the store how their day is? At first it felt uncomfortable , but its amazing how I am able to have a several minute conversation with a cashier now.
By practicing these and other things in the book, plus some other things I have stumbled on myself in life, I have addressed many of my issues with selfishness, low self-esteem, my insecurities, and shyness. Now I have found a girlfriend that I am comfortable sharing almost anything with and I may now have found a new friend to hang out with. The funny thing is that I really didn’t have to try that hard to get my new friend or girlfriend. As I made more progress on my little steps to address my issues my larger goals seemed to almost naturally come about.
