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Post by helise on Jul 6, 2013 23:15:52 GMT -5
I've been extremely shy my entire life. Though not officially diagnosed, I had selective mutism throughout my childhood. As an adult, I've struggled with social anxiety. With the passing of my 28th birthday, I have felt more comfortable with who I am as a person and more capable of handling one on one and very small group social interactions. I guess this comes with me realizing 30 is fast approaching. I would have hoped at that age I would have been much further along socially and professionally. Recently, I have made an effort to get out more and be more sociable. But, no matter how friendly I am or what kind of invitation I extend to the new and old people I meet, they have shown no interest in befriending me. Though, they are friendly to me when I am in their presence, they have no interest in exchanging phone calls with me or meeting me for dinner or a movie or anything of the like. I've extended invitations and offered to call for a chat. But, I've had no takers. I haven't had many friends during childhood or adulthood. I would like to have at least one or two I can call and chat with or go out to a movie with. Maybe people my age already have an established set of friends and feel no need to add more to their busy lives. Someone I knew from 4 years ago who I chat to often online said he already has several friends he don't have time for. He said he wasn't interested in anymore. But, he stated he was interested in continue to talk to me over the internet. But, he made it clear we are not friends just pen pals. He said he has no interest in adding another friend to his busy life. He's my exact age. Maybe others in my peer group feel the same way. I was talking to another friend online practically everyday who stopped chatting with me completely. The chats stopped after I mentioned I was a virgin. He became very uncomfortable it seemed. I attempted to ask if he was uncomfortable he didn't respond. We haven't talked since. I was more comfortable with myself and attempted to share that with others as you see other more extroverted people do all the time. It only resulted in me experiencing a whole lot of rejection, the very thing I always feared when I kept to myself and resided in solitude all the years of my past. I feel so defeated. I want to climb back into my shell and never come out again.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 7, 2013 19:57:52 GMT -5
maybe it would help if you focus more on learning about other people and less on sharing personal information? most people seem to like talking about themselves, and like people who are willing to listen. also, they like people who feed them. invite someone you're interesting in befriending out to lunch, ask them questions about themselves. it might work for you.
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Post by helise on Jul 7, 2013 22:47:41 GMT -5
Thank you, sweet pea, for your input. But, I consider that my best practice. Asking questions about the person's interest, past, present and future aspirations is the go to tactic for me whenever I attempt to talk to someone. Like many shy people, I can not at all talk about myself extensively in a conversation. I have become more comfortable with myself. But, I still have many insecurities. When I mentioned I was sharing more of myself with others, it is usually after someone inquires about my life after I have already asked about theirs. It is usually an exchange between me and the person I am talking to. I ask them questions about themselves and they then ask me the same questions about myself. I could never just blabber on about myself to someone. I am bewildered about my poor reception from people I try to befriend. Having gotten older I was renewed with little self confidence in myself. My recent failed attempts at seeking friends have damaged what little self confidence I gained. In my brain, I know I am someone of value worthy of friends. But, my broken heart feels rejected and unworthy of anyone's time.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 8, 2013 1:23:42 GMT -5
Thank you, sweet pea, for your input. But, I consider that my best practice. Asking questions about the person's interest, past, present and future aspirations is the go to tactic for me whenever I attempt to talk to someone. Like many shy people, I can not at all talk about myself extensively in a conversation. I have become more comfortable with myself. But, I still have many insecurities. When I mentioned I was sharing more of myself with others, it is usually after someone inquires about my life after I have already asked about theirs. It is usually an exchange between me and the person I am talking to. I ask them questions about themselves and they then ask me the same questions about myself. I could never just blabber on about myself to someone. I am bewildered about my poor reception from people I try to befriend. Having gotten older I was renewed with little self confidence in myself. My recent failed attempts at seeking friends have damaged what little self confidence I gained. In my brain, I know I am someone of value worthy of friends. But, my broken heart feels rejected and unworthy of anyone's time. i find the older i get, the less others seem interested in establishing new friendships overall. but then i live in an area that's famous for that. people just seem to be more suspicious of each other's motives as they get older. maybe that's it. probably your best bet is to pursue things that are interests for you, and meet other people who are interested in the same things. shared interests and activities seem to be the primary way people make friends.
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