I think that some girls, especially shy girls do have a thing for shy guys, but it does has its limits.
Frankly if your shyness makes you seem completely ineffectual and weak, this can't be good. But if you
come across as capable and somewhat confident despite your shyness, I don't see it as an unusually
large liability.
It’s not as simple as that.
Shyness is the end-resulting manifestation of defects and deficiencies in a person’s
basic identity - particularly as it relates to social relationships. Different shy people
have different aspects of themselves that are defective and/or deficient - and those
defects and/or deficiencies can be corrected/mitigated only to a certain extent - as the
person in question has the personal resources to deal effectively with them.
While one particular shy guy might have a certain set of personal attributes that are defective
and/or deficient, another would have a different set - and it becomes a matter of which particular
set would be considered “attractive” (and I don’t mean this in the physical sense) to a shy girl.
It’s apparent (and a bit sad) that some shy guys have “issues” that border on the
criminally insane (and I’ll refer you to alt.support.shyness for some fine examples of this)
- which would make them unsuitable for a relationship with just about any girl except for
the very tolerant and understanding - or a girl with some sort of a martyr complex.
It’s my considered opinion that most shy guys can indeed develop the necessary social proficiency
to function in an intimate relationship with a significant percentage of the female population
- but not ALL shy guys.
Given the extent and severity of my own defects and deficiencies, and my own (limited) capacity
to mitigate them to a necessary degree, it’s highly improbable that I would ever find anyone
who would be willing to tolerate a relationship with someone like me (and I don’t consider
myself to be criminally insane) - but that doesn’t apply to ALL shy guys - not by a long shot.
It’s up to each of us to objectively evaluate ourselves and make an honest assessment in that regard.
As I stated before:
It’s my considered opinion that most shy guys can indeed develop the necessary social proficiency
to function in an intimate relationship with a significant percentage of the female population
- that there is a substantial percentage of the overall female population that could
tolerate whatever defects and deficiencies that would be residual after a concerted effort
has been waged to correct them. The success (or failure) of that effort would be dependant upon
whether or not the shy guy (or person) in question has a proper understanding of themselves,
the nature and severity of their own defects/deficiencies, and an honest assessment as to what
it would take to correct them to that necessary extent. It’s groups like this (SHYUnited)
that can be beneficial towards this goal.
I never did state that they were (mutually exclusive). I was engaging in generalities before,
and I think we could agree that - IN GENERAL - shy guys don’t exhibit behavioral tendencies
that would be considered “alpha” in nature - and I would also point out that many shy people
display different behavioral tendencies dependant upon the social context.
I know that I can be plenty assertive in situations where I have some level of expertise.
I have a feeling that there are plenty of shy techies that are plenty assertive in
their own workplace environments - where they would and can become “top dog”
as they were/are capable of doing so.
It’s quite obvious that romantic social situations would generally not fall under the
category of one of those situations (where a shy person would have much in the way of expertise)
- hence the non-alpha tendencies that a shy person would be ensnared in when having to deal with it.
... as people are capable of doing so - everyone has their limitations.
Solitary Soul
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