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Post by Spartan on Nov 3, 2005 14:33:01 GMT -5
hey everyone. Its been a long time since I posted here but I thought I'd start this thread and see what you guys think. Ok, so I've made a few new friends at school this year and we hang out sometimes. The thing is...we usually hang out with a group of friends. It is a lot of fun but I feel kind of strange because I know most of the guys in the group but very few, if any, of the girls.
Alright so here is my problem...I know these girls names but we've never been introduced and i'm not sure any of them know my name because they don't talk to me. I feel kind of akward introducing myself to these girls because everyone else there has known each other for a while. Should I ask one of my friends to introduce me? Should I just wait for one of the girls to notice me and talk to me? I don't know if they ignore me because they don't know me or because they don't like me or what. What should I do?
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Post by sushiboat on Nov 3, 2005 14:40:48 GMT -5
Just talk to them as if you're old friends, and call them by name. If they ask for your name, that's a great opportunity to tease and joke with them.
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Post by Sanity FreeZ0ne on Nov 3, 2005 19:41:42 GMT -5
hey everyone. Its been a long time since I posted here Welcome back! You could ask one of your friends to introduce you if you feel it would make it easier. But I would probably just go up to them and say "Hi, I'm (name x), by the way." If your not saying anything to them it could be that they get the (wrong) impression that your not interested. Good luck, |
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Post by shytothebone on Nov 4, 2005 4:16:57 GMT -5
hey everyone. Its been a long time since I posted here but I thought I'd start this thread and see what you guys think. Ok, so I've made a few new friends at school this year and we hang out sometimes. The thing is...we usually hang out with a group of friends. It is a lot of fun but I feel kind of strange because I know most of the guys in the group but very few, if any, of the girls. Alright so here is my problem...I know these girls names but we've never been introduced and i'm not sure any of them know my name because they don't talk to me. I feel kind of akward introducing myself to these girls because everyone else there has known each other for a while. Should I ask one of my friends to introduce me? Should I just wait for one of the girls to notice me and talk to me? I don't know if they ignore me because they don't know me or because they don't like me or what. What should I do? I don't think a friend introducing you is going to do much. I have a feeling that they know who you are. They know your there but they wont talk to you unless you say something or make yourself approachable. Sanity is right if you don't say anything they get the wrong impression. I don't say anything and that happens to me all the time. |
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Post by Kitten on Nov 4, 2005 12:44:40 GMT -5
I can commiserate. I often feel left out in groups, especially those I sorta know but don't know really well, I don't know what to say, so I stay quiet and hope someone'll say something to me, bring me into their group, make me one of their own, all without any effort on my part. Of course, it just doesnt work that way. If I stay quiet I usually end up just on the sidellines of the group llike always. Why SHOULD they talk to me if I'm not going to make any effort?
Your friend could have properly introduced you to the girls, but since he didn't, it's up to you. They aren't talking to you because they don't know you and they have plenty of other people to talk to that they DO know. If you make the first move and just introduce yourself you'll make yourself seem that much more approachable--even if you have nothing to say afterwards (it could be anything-- make a joke about your friend or something) it's an opening, and it shows you're not unfriendly.
Good luck!
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Post by eastvillageshybie on Nov 4, 2005 14:28:59 GMT -5
This seems like a great opportunity to learn how to socialize. Walk up to the person, extend your hand, and say: Hi, I don't think we've been introduced. My name is -----. Hopefully, the girl will tell you her nameThen ask the following questions if applicable and make sure the girl has finished answering the question before you ask another.  Nice to meet you. Are you a friend of ------? How did you meet -----? What is your major? Why did you choose that major? Etc. Make sure you actively listen to what she is saying, if something she says seems interesting, follow up with another question about that item, if she says something you do not understand or find curious, ask her to go into more detail about it. If she says something that reminds you of an experience, news items, fact, book, TV show, music album, tell her about that. Try to keep the conversation on positive items such as future plans, vacations, recreation. Stay away from such topics as death, disease, and dismemberment.  ...unless the story is really, really funny. Honestly, before you go out to meet with your friends, have a list of questions you would like to ask, practice saying them in front of a mirror and OUT LOUD. Also practice your introduction and the extending of your hand. I know this stuff sounds pretty obvious, but it is amazing what a little practice in front of a mirror does for you. |
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Post by sushiboat on Nov 4, 2005 15:14:18 GMT -5
Then ask the following questions if applicable and make sure the girl has finished answering the question before you ask another. Nice to meet you. Are you a friend of ------? Girl: Yes. Girl: I forget. Girl: English. Girl: I liked the courses. Four questions in a row? Ack! You must be a journalism major. Conversation is give-and-take. When you ask a question and receive an answer, you are taking. When you make a statement, you are giving. If you only take, you will annoy the other person. |
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Nov 4, 2005 15:18:03 GMT -5
Then ask the following questions if applicable and make sure the girl has finished answering the question before you ask another. Nice to meet you. Are you a friend of ------? Girl: Yes. Girl: I forget. Girl: English. Girl: I liked the courses. Four questions in a row? Ack! You must be a journalism major. Conversation is give-and-take. When you ask a question and receive an answer, you are taking. When you make a statement, you are giving. If you only take, you will annoy the other person. The problem with the questions is that they are close ended questions. It is also annoying to feel like you have to pry talk out with a crow bar. |
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Post by MrNice on Nov 4, 2005 15:28:14 GMT -5
Yeah, questions are boring. Its much more fun to make assumptions.
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Post by Spartan on Nov 4, 2005 15:56:25 GMT -5
well these are all good suggestions but now that I think of it...I've never really been formally introduced to any of the friends I have. Usually I learn the person's name in a class or from somebody else saying it, then when I talk to that person they get to know me better. I think if I could just find something good to talk about it would work in this situation too but I never know what to say to girls.
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Post by eastvillageshybie on Nov 4, 2005 18:13:37 GMT -5
Then ask the following questions if applicable and make sure the girl has finished answering the question before you ask another. Nice to meet you. Are you a friend of ------? Girl: Yes. Girl: I forget. Girl: English. Girl: I liked the courses. Four questions in a row? Ack! You must be a journalism major. Conversation is give-and-take. When you ask a question and receive an answer, you are taking. When you make a statement, you are giving. If you only take, you will annoy the other person. Yes, there are very "giving" people out there and having to endure listening to them go on and on about themselves, I get a little sick of their generosity. I believe I mentioned in my first message that if you find something interesting that the other person says or if it reminds you of something, you tell them about that. In my experience, introducing yourself and asking questions about the other person does work more often than not. If you do encounter someone who only gives short answers, move on to the next person, but do not force the conversation. |
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Post by nameless on Nov 5, 2005 13:37:26 GMT -5
i had a situation like this a few years back. i used to know this shy girl, the thing that annoyed me was when shed ask me to go out with some people she knew (only one or two people) but shed never introduce anyone, some people i met even questioned if we knew each other.
i guess it came down to she wasnt making the effort to include me and i wasnt making the effort to get included.
the danger i always found with asking people questions was when they just fobbed you off with one word answers and didnt seem to want to know!
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Post by aforgottenmemory on Nov 5, 2005 17:32:19 GMT -5
Girl: Yes. Girl: I forget. Girl: English. Girl: I liked the courses. Four questions in a row? Ack! You must be a journalism major. Conversation is give-and-take. When you ask a question and receive an answer, you are taking. When you make a statement, you are giving. If you only take, you will annoy the other person. Yes, there are very "giving" people out there and having to endure listening to them go on and on about themselves, I get a little sick of their generosity. I believe I mentioned in my first message that if you find something interesting that the other person says or if it reminds you of something, you tell them about that. In my experience, introducing yourself and asking questions about the other person does work more often than not. If you do encounter someone who only gives short answers, move on to the next person, but do not force the conversation. I agree. Also the questions EastVillageShybie suggested maybe close ended as Pnats noted, but the other person can still take one of these questions and expand upon it to find common ground. For example: Question: "Are you a friend of...." Answer: "Yeah I know them, we go way back! Where do you know them from?" or "Well we haven't known each other long but we get on alright. Why do you ask?" As Sushiboat has been saying, conversation is give-and-take. But note from Sushiboat's example that the girl only gives very short replies. This suggests that she's either shy, not good at holding a conversation, doesn't know what to say or in the worst case not interested in talking to you. I find questions are good when first getting to know someone. Obviously you shouldn't ask question after question after question, but like this for example: Person 1: What lesson/class do you have now? Person 2: Maths Person 1: Eww. I've always hated maths. Person 2: *laughs* Why? Person 1: I've just never been good with numbers. I still have problems remembering which house number I live at  I'm great at English though! Person 2: Oh gawd, how can you like English? It's so dull!!! Mr. Hall makes me want to gag everytime I look at him. Person 1: *laughs* Yeah, what's up with that? etc etc The conversation still could have gone the other way though:Person 1: What lesson/class do you have now? Person 2: Maths Person 1: Eww. I've always hated maths. Person 2: *laughs* *Conversation ends* You see it just depends on who you are talking to. Whoever you are holding a conversation with has to work with you, otherwise you could well end up asking a never ending amount of questions. |
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I'm great at English though!