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Post by I am Jack's wasted life on Dec 29, 2005 3:55:23 GMT -5
I often feel as if i could really be one of those gregarious outgoing party people if i really wanted to. I mean, in the past (and now i suppose) I've had a chance to change my lifestyle and really become one of those people. Ya know, the people with lots of friends who hang out all the time. I do get invited to parties and gatherings, etc. and I've had a chance to meet a lot of people and become casual friends with a lot of people (due to friends introducing me to their friends, etc.) but I've just closed myself off from them. I'm the type of person who would rather have a few good friends than a ton of casual friends anyways.
And for some reason, i've always turned down invites to go hang out and rejected chances to be more social, mostly so that i could have alone time or be with my family. So while my friends are out at the beach or clubbing, i'm at home playing videogames, watching movies with my family or surfing the net. I think i may be doing this because i feel more safe and comfortable being by myself or with family. I can be myself and i feel i don't need to impress anyone or try hard to get anyone to like me. I really hate situations where i have to make small talk (however if i'm forced into such a situation, i can fare pretty well). Also, the thought of a party or clubbing makes me anxious and wary however when i force myself to go I end up kinda having fun.
I don't really know what i'm trying to say. I'm just wondering, is being social really the better choice? Should i try to be more social than being withdrawn all the time? I just don't know if i truly hate the extroverted lifestyle or if i'm just too insecure, lazy and afraid to take a stab at it.
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Dec 29, 2005 4:13:12 GMT -5
IMHO you seem like you would be suited to an outgoing lifestyle. It seems like you sorta want it and like you said once you are out clubbing, you like it. I guess you could try it and if you didn't like it, you could always go back to your old ways.
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ronw
Full Member
Posts: 172
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Post by ronw on Dec 29, 2005 4:37:09 GMT -5
Greetings Panda,
I am someone with a reclusive lifestyle. And there have been times in the past where I have thought it would be nice to have some regular friends, and more social outlets. However, after some 'experimenting' of my own, I always tend to go back to the old status quo. I guess I like my privacy too much.
In your case here, one thing I thought about while reading this post, is that when we round things down to the lowest common denominator, we make things simpler, and easier to control. In my case, I know thats why things are the way they are - only you can know if thats how things are in your case. And there is nothing wrong with keeping things simple - especially when you know your limits. Its when we don't know our own limits, and then proceed to move away from them in the name of feeling guilty (I feel I should be going out more/having a more social life, etc) where we end up frustrated - more at ourselves than anybody else.
RW
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Post by lonelyheart on Dec 29, 2005 7:39:34 GMT -5
I have noticed that if I do 'boring' things (as you mentioned) consistently, then my mood is quite low generally. I am lazy and lack energy. If I go out and socialise consistently, I notice that I am much happier, I feel full of energy and that I actually enjoy my life.
I feel that you are throwing away your life if you stick to 'boring' activities, i am too guilty of this, which is why I am working on changing this (see my New Years Resolutions thread). However, if you enjoy the 'boring' life then go ahead and pursue these activities.
My main problem is that i DON'T get invited out a lot, due to annoying friends and lack of acquantances. I definately know that it's my shyness that is the problem.
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Post by shytothebone on Dec 29, 2005 8:17:17 GMT -5
I don't really know what i'm trying to say. I'm just wondering, is being social really the better choice? Should i try to be more social than being withdrawn all the time? I just don't know if i truly hate the extroverted lifestyle or if i'm just too insecure, lazy and afraid to take a stab at it. You should do whatever makes you happy. If you are not certain that going out will make you happy then you should try it and find out. |
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Post by Sanity FreeZ0ne on Dec 29, 2005 14:27:04 GMT -5
I have noticed that if I do 'boring' things (as you mentioned) consistently, then my mood is quite low generally. I am lazy and lack energy. If I go out and socialise consistently, I notice that I am much happier, I feel full of energy and that I actually enjoy my life. I feel that you are throwing away your life if you stick to 'boring' activities, i am too guilty of this, which is why I am working on changing this (see my New Years Resolutions thread). However, if you enjoy the 'boring' life then go ahead and pursue these activities. My main problem is that i DON'T get invited out a lot, due to annoying friends and lack of acquantances. I definately know that it's my shyness that is the problem. Ditto here. I love going out to clubs/pubs, getting drunk etc, I even enjoy the social side of things in terms of being with other people....it's just I'm not very good at being social.  |
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Post by I am Jack's wasted life on Dec 29, 2005 17:06:37 GMT -5
In your case here, one thing I thought about while reading this post, is that when we round things down to the lowest common denominator, we make things simpler, and easier to control. In my case, I know thats why things are the way they are - only you can know if thats how things are in your case. And there is nothing wrong with keeping things simple - especially when you know your limits. Its when we don't know our own limits, and then proceed to move away from them in the name of feeling guilty (I feel I should be going out more/having a more social life, etc) where we end up frustrated - more at ourselves than anybody else. RW Woahh, what are you psychic? Because you've got great insight into my mind lol. Yeah, the reason i don't take the opportunities to be more social is because usually that brings me more stress. Like you said, i always find myself making things more simple. And also, like you said, i feel guilty about it. It's like i'm too lazy to improve myself (if you can take being more social as improvement. It seems to be the common goal amongst people in this board though..). I've also had my bouts with being really social (going out every other day or staying out all day with friends) but I always revert back to my introverted self. It's what comes most natural to me. Anyways, thanks for your advice  . It really helped. |
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Post by I am Jack's wasted life on Dec 29, 2005 17:21:13 GMT -5
I have noticed that if I do 'boring' things (as you mentioned) consistently, then my mood is quite low generally. I am lazy and lack energy. If I go out and socialise consistently, I notice that I am much happier, I feel full of energy and that I actually enjoy my life. If that's the case then you're an extrovert but unfortunately you also happen to be shy (not a good combo). In my case, I have no problems being by myself. I rarely get bored with so called "boring activities". I find that i'm pretty good at keeping myself busy and entertained at home. I guess it's different for different people. Like for me, reading a book is enough to keep me entertained for hours whereas a lot of my friends wouldn't dream of picking up a book outside of school because they find it too boring. That's great that you enjoy hanging out and being social though. I think that's the biggest step if you want to be more social (because no matter how outgoing you are, if you don't enjoy it then what's the point?). Now all you've got to do is learn to deal with that shyness problem (and find better friends). It's pretty hard, but i think you can do it . That's a popular consensus and I somewhat agree too, which is why i feel guilty about being boring when i can do something about it. Let me ask you this...do you get anxious/nervous/worried whenever you get invited somewhere? BEcause i do and i have to FORCE myself to go out. I have no idea why because when i actually go out I end up having a good time. Ah well..i'm just weird like that. |
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Post by nameless on Dec 29, 2005 17:23:21 GMT -5
i would like to be invited out to parties and gatherings more often, however somethings people suggest arent what id like to do if you see what i mean. im not a fan of going clubbing for hours when you cant chat to anyone or hear yourself think, also im not much of a dancer!
people may see it as being a wet blanket but i just meet so many people whoes sole purpose seems to be to go out and get wrecked and be the life and sole of the party and they seem to take offence to people who dont feel the same!
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Dec 29, 2005 17:32:27 GMT -5
i would like to be invited out to parties and gatherings more often, however somethings people suggest arent what id like to do if you see what i mean. im not a fan of going clubbing for hours when you cant chat to anyone or hear yourself think, also im not much of a dancer! people may see it as being a wet blanket but i just meet so many people whoes sole purpose seems to be to go out and get wrecked and be the life and sole of the party and they seem to take offence to people who dont feel the same! going out getting smashed every weekend is sooo insanely boring. zzzzzz |
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Post by lonelyheart on Dec 29, 2005 19:58:45 GMT -5
That's a popular consensus and I somewhat agree too, which is why i feel guilty about being boring when i can do something about it. Let me ask you this...do you get anxious/nervous/worried whenever you get invited somewhere? BEcause i do and i have to FORCE myself to go out. I have no idea why because when i actually go out I end up having a good time. Ah well..i'm just weird like that. I used to. Then I realised that I enjoyed being out there, regardless of how quiet I was. You're doing what I used to do, which is overanalysing the situation. It is never as bad as it seems, and you will have a good time. |
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Post by Paulinus on Dec 29, 2005 20:42:21 GMT -5
i would like to be invited out to parties and gatherings more often, however somethings people suggest arent what id like to do if you see what i mean. im not a fan of going clubbing for hours when you cant chat to anyone or hear yourself think, also im not much of a dancer! people may see it as being a wet blanket but i just meet so many people whoes sole purpose seems to be to go out and get wrecked and be the life and sole of the party and they seem to take offence to people who dont feel the same! going out getting smashed every weekend is sooo insanely boring. zzzzzz Yeah I have never understood the appeal of that. Sadly you get a lot of people who think your weird if you dont do that. I dont think I could ever cope with being highly social with lots of friends. I have no real desire to be popular, a small number of like minded friends who I could do stuff with occasionally would be more then enough for me. |
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Post by lonelyheart on Dec 29, 2005 21:22:32 GMT -5
I don't understand it if you go out to get totally smashed only.
BUT, going out with good mates, having some drinks and socialising is great as you have the opportunity to increase your social network. Having a few drinks while out on the town is the 'norm', it makes you feel relaxed and gets you in the mood to party.
Also, the people who you are with are important too. If you're out at a nightspot with other people who are quiet and boring, then that is no fun. It is good to have a diverse range of personalities (both shy and outgoing) when you're out.
The reason why I rarely drink while out is because I'm too shy to order drinks and well, my friend doesn't drink. I'm working on getting the confidence to be able to order drinks on my own, which I hope to achieve this coming NYE.
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Dec 29, 2005 22:33:48 GMT -5
I don't understand it if you go out to get totally smashed only. BUT, going out with good mates, having some drinks and socialising is great as you have the opportunity to increase your social network. Having a few drinks while out on the town is the 'norm', it makes you feel relaxed and gets you in the mood to party. Also, the people who you are with are important too. If you're out at a nightspot with other people who are quiet and boring, then that is no fun. It is good to have a diverse range of personalities (both shy and outgoing) when you're out. The reason why I rarely drink while out is because I'm too shy to order drinks and well, my friend doesn't drink. I'm working on getting the confidence to be able to order drinks on my own, which I hope to achieve this coming NYE. See I don't find quiet people boring. I find partiers monumental bores. Going out to a pub or club is boring. |
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Dec 29, 2005 22:37:14 GMT -5
Yeah I have never understood the appeal of that. Sadly you get a lot of people who think your weird if you dont do that. I dont think I could ever cope with being highly social with lots of friends. I have no real desire to be popular, a small number of like minded friends who I could do stuff with occasionally would be more then enough for me. Yeah I'd rather watch some dvds, play on the computer, be silly. |
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. It really helped.
