Preparing what you say to people good or bad?

[christine]

Is it wierd to preplan what you have to say to people....would that be a bad thing because you are focusing to much on the conversation you are going to be having with a person or is it a good thing? I dont know....I find it hard to figure out things to say to people...but I think that is mostly because im nervous or dont feel worthy of their time or w/e....maybe I need to just think better of myself and not care about their reaction or what im saying as being bad...I have to think what im saying is incredibly important or amusing.....then they will beleive it too?......But maybe for now preparing what i say isnt a bad thing??....because im still uncomfortable a little bit and it would help me maybe? I dunno what do you guys think about this??
thanks guys! xo

Christine~*

[nameless]

ive never thought of it as a bad thing, i dont really do it much, its normally if i meet new people!

[shypsychologyguy]

Ive done it it is good but not when you think ok this is what im saying when this happens and the this does not happen and you waited for it.

[pansy]

it seems to work for me to have a general idea what i'd like to talk to someone about first, if i know i'm gonna be nervous. but too much planning doesn't work for me at all - like trying to memorize exactly how i want to say something. the nervousness will make me forget everything if i try to remember too much. i lose all my spontaneity and can't think of what i want to say until after i walk away from the person i want to say it to. so i guess there is such a thing as being overprepared.

[Bodhi]

I tend to imagine how a conversation will play out before I talk to someone, if I am nervous about talking to them. I guess in imagining it I will think of things to say. Although for me I tend to start thinking of things and this just makes me more anxious because I come up with stupid things and I just say, "forget it, I'm just going to do it." So usually I don't have anything specific planned, just a general idea. Yet this usually doesn't work that well and a lot of times I encounter awkward silences. So I have no idea.

[HybridMoment]

Planning what to say is usually a good thing to do, especially if you are going to be involved in an important conversation. You wouldn't go to a job interview unprepared for the questions that might be asked. Even people who are not shy think through conversations before telling another person about special news or something of importance.

However, if you are just trying to engage in casual conversations it might be helpful not to plan them out so much. In speech classes students are sometimes required to give impromptu speeches so that they practice the ability to be comfortable speaking on subjects they either don't know about or are not prepared to talk about. If a shy person were to practice these more often it might help them with their speaking skills.

(Impromptu speeches remind me of my speech class from high school. We had to draw random topics and speak about them for 3 minutes. Being shy, this was terrible enough for me do to, but I thought I would probably know enough general information to stumble through one. As true as it was "impromptu", I got stuck speaking about "friends". I didn't have any friends and so it was just mostly an awkward moment of silence with me saying ummm...friends....uhhhh...they're nice to have I guess....)

[traveler]

i have not tried that much. but it probebly is good. i get nourves to talking to people.

[zaab]

I think its really helpful to think up topics you want to talk to with other people and once you get going, the conversation takes on a life of its own. Trying to orchestrate the whole conversation never works. I've tried

[lonelyheart]

For Interviews, Speeches: Good

For anythign else: BAD.

[mistercookie]

I usually have a small list of topics when I am preparing to go out to a social event.

Nothing much, just some things that I can bring up in case conversation runs dry.

For job interviews, I pretty much canvas all the possible questions that can come up and have written answers prepared.

[sushiboat]

Yes, it's good to be prepared. Social people don't have to make special preparations because they are talking to others a lot every day.

You may need only a few minutes to think about something you have done recently that you can talk about. If your conversational skills are really hurting, you can do more to take stock of who you are and how you want to present yourself.

Being social is a skill, like learning to ride a bicycle. Preparation is like training wheels. When you improve your skill, you can take off the training wheels. However, if you still need them, don't listen to the naysayers.

[Paulinus]

I don't think theres anything wrong with having a few things in your mind to to talk about beforehand. Though I personally would be wary of putting too much preparation into something like that as that panders to my general tendency to overthink things which only ends up making me more anxious then I was before.

Mind you I could probably think for ages and come up with very little. I rarely had a decent answer for the more personal questions in job interviews despite preparing for ages beforehand and having many interviews.