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Post by wagnerr on Aug 9, 2005 13:12:41 GMT -5
Last week i asked out a girl i know from one of my favorite restaurants that i like to eat at. She was with her friends at the time, and they were eating and laughing and having fun. She sure was pretty, and she seemed really nice and pleasant. So, i took her aside and asked if she wante to go to the movies with me. She said i was nice and polite and all, but she wasn't interested in me. I asked if she was single, and she said yes, but she just wanted to be friends with me.  Damn it. I guess i just didn't meet her standards.  What the hell is going on here? Why am i always automatically labelled as friend materal?  Why won't women ever see me as more than that? It's like i'm not recognized as a sexual creature with feelings who could show a girl a good time given the chance. All i am is the friend. They never give me a chance!!! |
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Post by zaab on Aug 9, 2005 13:28:20 GMT -5
Last week i asked out a girl i know from one of my favorite restaurants that i like to eat at. She was with her friends at the time, and they were eating and laughing and having fun. She sure was pretty, and she seemed really nice and pleasant. So, i took her aside and asked if she wante to go to the movies with me. She said i was nice and polite and all, but she wasn't interested in me. I asked if she was single, and she said yes, but she just wanted to be friends with me. Damn it. I guess i just didn't meet her standards. What the hell is going on here? Why am i always automatically labelled as friend materal? Why won't women ever see me as more than that? It's like i'm not recognized as a sexual creature with feelings who could show a girl a good time given the chance. All i am is the friend. They never give me a chance!!! I'm not sure Russ, but you need to be commended for taking chances and putting yourself out there. That's great. I'm envious of your risk taking. Keep it up. I think if you continue to do this, you're bound to learn about what it takes to attract who you want. This is not very specific advice, but since in seems like you're fairly comfortable asking people out, why not experiment with different approaches? Maybe you need to try to hang around women some more and get a sense of who's into you and who's not and take it from there. |
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Post by gSteve on Aug 9, 2005 13:32:11 GMT -5
Its great that you can do that i've never asked anyone out. I think if you continue doing that you will get someone saying yes though theres nothing wrong with being friends, some relationships start of with friendships. At the moment i'd be happy to just have a female friend.
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Post by allen on Aug 9, 2005 23:14:13 GMT -5
Hey Russ,
I wish I knew what to tell you other than I know exactly how you feel. I've been in this situation more times than I care to count. I don't know anything more frustrating than what you're feeling.
All of the girls that I've been through this with, I have felt that they would have understood where I was coming from and would have still accepted me as a friend but unfortunately, they all pushed me out of their lives....not wanting to ever see me again after they found out that I wanted more than a friendship. How has this girl been since you asked her? One thing I've always wanted to ask the girls who have shot me down, is to give me some honest feedback....without fear of hurting my feelings, just come out and tell me what she does or doesn't see in me. Is there a chance you can ask her something along those lines?
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Post by Medici on Aug 10, 2005 21:00:08 GMT -5
I'll just say that maybe there is something to be said for being emotionally unavailable. Like a brick wall.
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Post by griffins on Aug 10, 2005 21:17:41 GMT -5
Russ...I feel your pain bro! When I was painfully shy...I would have been happy just to have a female friend. But now that I've gradually broken out of my shell...I can't stand having them as only friends...when I want more.
The girls that I am friends with...I think we have a lot in common, we have fun together but for some reason...it doesn't go any further. (In some cases, its partly my fault because I might not have expressed clearly enough that I want more than friendship)
But in your case, I guess you did ask her out. I have done this as well...and have not been successful.
The only thing I can say is to keep trying...its a numbers game.
But I do feel frustrated because people keep saying stuff like "be yourself" "it'll happen when its meant to be"
First of all, I don't try to be fake but I definitely try to act alot more outgoing/exciting and confident when I'm with a girl (being myself would be NOT WORK) And as for things being meant to happen...I say you got to actively pursue it if you want it.
I guess I keep learning from experience, even when it is failure.
So good luck next time
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Post by lostgirl on Aug 13, 2005 21:33:16 GMT -5
Aww, that sucks Russ! |
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Post by wagnerr on Aug 13, 2005 21:50:37 GMT -5
Aww, that sucks Russ! Well, i've gotten over it. The incident was several days ago, and i haven't thought about it much. I don't know why i keep trying with girls in the first place. I've been rejected by too many women in my past to really have any more hope of being accepted and loved. I'm just not gonna try anymore. These girls are dumb anyway for not giving me a chance. |
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omega
Junior Member
i try to be different, but i guess it's nothing new
Posts: 56
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Post by omega on Aug 14, 2005 5:21:07 GMT -5
i don't know what you guys think about alt.seduction.fast and the like, but these sites say touching helps a lot.
i haven't tried any of the methods there, but it may be worth a shot.
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Post by airburst on Aug 14, 2005 13:42:59 GMT -5
I heard teasing girls, making them laugh, and playing hard to get helps. Haven't tried any of these though.
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Post by Samantha on Aug 14, 2005 14:02:48 GMT -5
I don't know how to 'spice' myself up but I wouldn't want to. I am who I am etc. To me it's a case of finding someone who finds you special. I don't want someone to fall for someone I'm not.
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Post by Paulinus on Aug 14, 2005 14:29:26 GMT -5
I don't know how to 'spice' myself up but I wouldn't want to. I am who I am etc. To me it's a case of finding someone who finds you special. I don't want someone to fall for someone I'm not. yes I agree with that. If you would constantly have to put on an act around someone to get them to like you then whats the point. I want someone who likes me for me, not some imposter pretending to be the real me. I think the key problem with shyness though is that often the real you is hidden away from view, so no one is able to see the real person and like you. |
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Post by lily on Aug 14, 2005 14:37:50 GMT -5
I don't know how to 'spice' myself up but I wouldn't want to. I am who I am etc. To me it's a case of finding someone who finds you special. I don't want someone to fall for someone I'm not. yes I agree with that. If you would constantly have to put on an act around someone to get them to like you then whats the point. I want someone who likes me for me, not some imposter pretending to be the real me. I think the key problem with shyness though is that often the real you is hidden away from view, so no one is able to see the real person and like you. While I was reading this I was remembering the extroverts I've known who hid their real selves behind alot of flash and noise. I always figured they did it to hide their vulnerability. I guess introverts and extroverts just have different strategies for that. |
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Post by cyclopse on Aug 14, 2005 23:15:29 GMT -5
russ
I hear you man i been in this position for the last 2 years. at first your you are just happy to be friends but then once you start hanging out on a consistent basis and you start to get a feel for what it would be like to have a girlfriend or be with her on a cosistent basis then you want more the problem is and this is only based on my experience you need to be more expressive or flirty just becuase you throw some compliment at them, notice them, talk about past relationships or experiences with the opposite sex that get them thinking doesnt mean she will think your creepy or are ready to walk down the isle most girls will find it complimentry to them.
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Post by wagnerr on Sept 14, 2005 14:33:59 GMT -5
Hey people, any help on this topic would be appreciated. I just got labelled as a potential friend by another girl yesterday. What's going on? Am i doomed to be the woman's friend, but never anything more? |
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Damn it. I guess i just didn't meet her standards. 
Why won't women ever see me as more than that? It's like i'm not recognized as a sexual creature with feelings who could show a girl a good time given the chance. All i am is the friend. 
