Post by EcstacyofFleas on Jan 24, 2004 4:31:23 GMT -5
I just transferred to a new university this semester and have been experiencing that difficult "new kid" scenario, lost amongst the 30,000+ students. Quick background- I had really bad social anxiety in junior high and high school, I went on Paxil for a while, and then the summer before my first year of college I weaned myself off of Paxil and was determined to overcome my anxiety in social situations. I was able to do it, living in dorms my first year and making some friends. But now I feel like I am a bit back in high school... anyways..
Here are some things I have done myself or noticed:
When I feel that someone sitting closeby is watching me, and I am performing some action like unzipping my backpack or taking out a notebook, I will try to look "cool" in doing it by looking away from what I am doing, as if I can do it with ease- problem is not looking at what I am doing usually makes me fumble and draws attention, and then I think the other person can see right through what I am doing, and I can't seem to do something simple smoothly, like open a notebook to a specific page. I have also, I think, noticed this is some other people sitting by themselves. I try to appear I am not looking at them, I know what it feels like.
I live in a snowy region, and when I walking between classes outside, this is kind of hard to explain, but I walk and think to myself "Okay, I don't want to stare at the ground and appear like I am shy and can't face the world" so I try to force myself to look up and walk with confidence. Usually, when a person walks past me in close proximity, it becomes more than I can bear, me trying not to look at them, but past them, and appear assertive, and with the bright snow it makes my eyes water. This eye watering happens a lot when I force myself to look up. I don't know if it is sensitivity or what.
I have actually initiated some small talk with a single person waiting for the bus at the busstop, but what happens a lot is I can start the convo and its okay, but when they tell me things I don't know how to respond. It usually comes out sounding obviously nervous, like "Oh that's neat" or "oh, how nice" , the words like neat and nice, and others... and I often find myself going beyond the normal few seconds after someone says something to respond, in trying to get a response out, that by the time I do it is just a little bit too long, and I sit and think "oh they know I am nervous and can tell I am just trying to spit something out"- it's a debate whether to say anything or just be silent. I choose silence often.
In the few minutes before class starts, when I have nothing to do, I feel very stupid, as usually people are talking around me or studying... it seems like the people talking are always being coyly aware of who might be listening to them by turning their head slightly and looking out of the corner of their eye? anyone noticed this? Well, to appear not so much of a "loser" (whatever that means) I will pretend to be reading my book or going through my notes... sometimes my anxiety gets to the point where I think the person is watching me going through my notes and can tell that I am just doing it for show, and can tell I have looked at the same page three times...
Oh! And when a person sits in the seat next to you before lecture, and takes of their coat and puts it behind the small of their back and the sides drape into your seat making you uncomfortable and having to move to the side a bit to avoid contact, my perception is that they notice this out of the corner of their eye but they pretend not to, as a "power play" or feeling cool, that they can invade my space. Sometimes I think I am blowing this out of proportion though..
And the funniest thing of all is that, in most situations, I'm pretty sure no one is paying attention! I also feel a little self-absorbed and immature.. but there are a lot of these kinds of people in college, just like high school... only less of them it seems.
I sound a little too nitpicky or analytical, but when you sit by yourself and observe you notice lots of things. Anyone else agree? Maybe I can help someone feel like someone else is experiencing these little things...
Here are some things I have done myself or noticed:
When I feel that someone sitting closeby is watching me, and I am performing some action like unzipping my backpack or taking out a notebook, I will try to look "cool" in doing it by looking away from what I am doing, as if I can do it with ease- problem is not looking at what I am doing usually makes me fumble and draws attention, and then I think the other person can see right through what I am doing, and I can't seem to do something simple smoothly, like open a notebook to a specific page. I have also, I think, noticed this is some other people sitting by themselves. I try to appear I am not looking at them, I know what it feels like.
I live in a snowy region, and when I walking between classes outside, this is kind of hard to explain, but I walk and think to myself "Okay, I don't want to stare at the ground and appear like I am shy and can't face the world" so I try to force myself to look up and walk with confidence. Usually, when a person walks past me in close proximity, it becomes more than I can bear, me trying not to look at them, but past them, and appear assertive, and with the bright snow it makes my eyes water. This eye watering happens a lot when I force myself to look up. I don't know if it is sensitivity or what.
I have actually initiated some small talk with a single person waiting for the bus at the busstop, but what happens a lot is I can start the convo and its okay, but when they tell me things I don't know how to respond. It usually comes out sounding obviously nervous, like "Oh that's neat" or "oh, how nice" , the words like neat and nice, and others... and I often find myself going beyond the normal few seconds after someone says something to respond, in trying to get a response out, that by the time I do it is just a little bit too long, and I sit and think "oh they know I am nervous and can tell I am just trying to spit something out"- it's a debate whether to say anything or just be silent. I choose silence often.
In the few minutes before class starts, when I have nothing to do, I feel very stupid, as usually people are talking around me or studying... it seems like the people talking are always being coyly aware of who might be listening to them by turning their head slightly and looking out of the corner of their eye? anyone noticed this? Well, to appear not so much of a "loser" (whatever that means) I will pretend to be reading my book or going through my notes... sometimes my anxiety gets to the point where I think the person is watching me going through my notes and can tell that I am just doing it for show, and can tell I have looked at the same page three times...
Oh! And when a person sits in the seat next to you before lecture, and takes of their coat and puts it behind the small of their back and the sides drape into your seat making you uncomfortable and having to move to the side a bit to avoid contact, my perception is that they notice this out of the corner of their eye but they pretend not to, as a "power play" or feeling cool, that they can invade my space. Sometimes I think I am blowing this out of proportion though..
And the funniest thing of all is that, in most situations, I'm pretty sure no one is paying attention! I also feel a little self-absorbed and immature.. but there are a lot of these kinds of people in college, just like high school... only less of them it seems.
I sound a little too nitpicky or analytical, but when you sit by yourself and observe you notice lots of things. Anyone else agree? Maybe I can help someone feel like someone else is experiencing these little things...
Other people seeing you gazing at them..allows for all kinds of interactions if this is where you want to go. You can start the conversation or they will. If not, you continue walking knowing that you weren't afraid to look. 