Post by iroseiroared2 on Aug 30, 2004 6:20:27 GMT -5
Hi all,
I wanted to use a different word for the subject of this post, but I'm too lazy to get out the dictionary and be sure that the word I was going to use would fit in here correctly, so I'll just call it what I have, heh.
Put simply, I need a new life. I need to change my life. I told my dad today when he asked me how I was, what's new in my life, that things haven't changed since I got out of high school. I am now 23, going on 24 years old.
I haven't read it yet, barely started, but I think I pretty much get the gist of Walden by Henry David Thoreau. That is the kind of life I feel I need to live, at least for a year, to get back to where I should be. Not permanently, but just for a short period of time. I know that some of my friends, and other people, would say that I'm running away from my problems. But to me, it's a way of healing. And you might think a year is a long time out of your life, but have I really spent any other year in a better, productive way? I'm sure I haven't.
Maybe I didn't realize this when I was younger because life was simpler, and had a plan. Sure there's a structure to my life, but not where I want to be. I go to work from 5 pm - 1,2 am.. sometimes even later. Luckily I work with people who are decent, but it's still not where I want to be. Luckily I have a flexible schedule.. it's not a bad job at all.. but unfortunately I've been there so long that no matter how decent it is, I can't stand being there anymore.
So, I get out of work and I go over my friends' house for a few hours. Go to bed about 6 am at the earliest. Wake up everyday lately to my mom saying, "Are you going to work today?" to which I ask, "What time is it?" to which she responds, while I sigh in disgust, "Four o'clock." Great, only one more hour till work. All I have time for is to get a shower and find my clothes to get back to another meaningless chock full o' shit day.
It's awful cuz I know what I'd like to be doing with my life yet I feel I can't get there. I should feel blessed that I know what I love.. lots of people say they still don't know what they want to do, even after years of going to college.
So maybe if I could just turn my life around in other ways besides revolving the whole thing around going to a bs job, things would be different. But I still feel I need a bigger way out. I really would love to go live alone somewhere for a year, away from everyone and everything, with the occasional visit. Just to get back to normalcy, to heal, to get back to a little more simplicity.
The problem is, how do you do this without money? You can't just go build a house in the middle of nowhere, right? Like my dad said, you can't just take someone else's land. Well if it were secluded then how can anyone claim it as his/hers? I know I'm not living in reality here but that's how it's always been with me. But I know this is possible too..I mean living this way.. people have done it before. But how do I? And I can't even quit work because I owe my dad $5,000 for digging a bigger hole for myself by trying to temporarily make my dull life more exciting.
I know I go on and on about nothing, but if anyone has any suggestions at all on how I can get out of this, please let me know. Don't tell me it's impossible because I know that's not the truth. I should be creative enough to be able to think of a way to get myself out, but maybe I just don't have the energy. If anyone can offer any suggestions to help me out, please do. I feel I can't go on like this much longer.
I wanted to use a different word for the subject of this post, but I'm too lazy to get out the dictionary and be sure that the word I was going to use would fit in here correctly, so I'll just call it what I have, heh.
Put simply, I need a new life. I need to change my life. I told my dad today when he asked me how I was, what's new in my life, that things haven't changed since I got out of high school. I am now 23, going on 24 years old.
I haven't read it yet, barely started, but I think I pretty much get the gist of Walden by Henry David Thoreau. That is the kind of life I feel I need to live, at least for a year, to get back to where I should be. Not permanently, but just for a short period of time. I know that some of my friends, and other people, would say that I'm running away from my problems. But to me, it's a way of healing. And you might think a year is a long time out of your life, but have I really spent any other year in a better, productive way? I'm sure I haven't.
Maybe I didn't realize this when I was younger because life was simpler, and had a plan. Sure there's a structure to my life, but not where I want to be. I go to work from 5 pm - 1,2 am.. sometimes even later. Luckily I work with people who are decent, but it's still not where I want to be. Luckily I have a flexible schedule.. it's not a bad job at all.. but unfortunately I've been there so long that no matter how decent it is, I can't stand being there anymore.
So, I get out of work and I go over my friends' house for a few hours. Go to bed about 6 am at the earliest. Wake up everyday lately to my mom saying, "Are you going to work today?" to which I ask, "What time is it?" to which she responds, while I sigh in disgust, "Four o'clock." Great, only one more hour till work. All I have time for is to get a shower and find my clothes to get back to another meaningless chock full o' shit day.
It's awful cuz I know what I'd like to be doing with my life yet I feel I can't get there. I should feel blessed that I know what I love.. lots of people say they still don't know what they want to do, even after years of going to college.
So maybe if I could just turn my life around in other ways besides revolving the whole thing around going to a bs job, things would be different. But I still feel I need a bigger way out. I really would love to go live alone somewhere for a year, away from everyone and everything, with the occasional visit. Just to get back to normalcy, to heal, to get back to a little more simplicity.
The problem is, how do you do this without money? You can't just go build a house in the middle of nowhere, right? Like my dad said, you can't just take someone else's land. Well if it were secluded then how can anyone claim it as his/hers? I know I'm not living in reality here but that's how it's always been with me. But I know this is possible too..I mean living this way.. people have done it before. But how do I? And I can't even quit work because I owe my dad $5,000 for digging a bigger hole for myself by trying to temporarily make my dull life more exciting.
I know I go on and on about nothing, but if anyone has any suggestions at all on how I can get out of this, please let me know. Don't tell me it's impossible because I know that's not the truth. I should be creative enough to be able to think of a way to get myself out, but maybe I just don't have the energy. If anyone can offer any suggestions to help me out, please do. I feel I can't go on like this much longer.