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Post by Bodhi on Jul 10, 2005 21:42:53 GMT -5
Does anyone else worry they will never find a girlfriend or boyfriend, that they will be alone forever? I worry about that all the time, even though right now I'm only 23. Yet my fear is I'll wake up one day and find myself 50 years old and never having a girlfriend and being a sad pathetic excuse for a human being. Can this happen, has it happened to anyone? I wonder how many people out there have gone their entire lives without finding someone. It seems if I do end up sad, old, and alone my life would have been worthless. A sad joke God has played on me. Giving me the intense desire to love another person, but giving me no abiltiy to even approach these people. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have the intense emotions towards many girls that I encounter in life. But I do and I think about talking to them and asking them out and living happily ever after and it never happens, ever. Just a continuing line of lonliness as I sit in the dark and think of what could have and should have happened. Its my biggest fear, being alone forever. Right now there seems no reason I will ever find someone. The task of simply talking to a girl I'm attracted to seems insurmountable. Yet if I don't manage to find someone soon I think I'll go crazy. Right now my breaking point I think will be turning 25. If by then still nothing has happened, I don't know what I'll do. Thats a year and half and counting.
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Post by paul1983 on Jul 11, 2005 0:28:18 GMT -5
Bodhi, i know exactly how you feel. I'm 22 myself and have never had a girlfriend. My problem is i don't know any girls as friends. The few friends i do have are all guys. The only place i can really talk to girls is at work, but i seem to shy away from them when it comes to talking, and its not like i can talk to them for minutes at a time, because i have to serve customers. My other problem is that if i get to know a girl that i really like, i tend to not think about any other girls except her, which means missed opportunities... I know i am a great person, i'm smart, do exciting things and know that if i could just take some girl out on a date everything would change...that is if she liked me in the first place!! I try to busy myself so that i don't think about my pathetic life story on relationships, but its impossible to not think about anything else when i go to bed at night. It really sucks.
I'm trying to get out of this trap, i'm more readily talking to girls these days, asking them questions, trying to get to know them...i even gave a letter to a friend to give to this girl i've met...we'll see if she responds to it!
All i can say Bohdi is try to approach more girls...don't worry about how you do or what you say...it all adds up and you'll become more experienced in conversations with girls...i know i have over the last yr or so.
Paul
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Post by I am Jack's wasted life on Jul 11, 2005 2:21:56 GMT -5
Does anyone else worry they will never find a girlfriend or boyfriend, that they will be alone forever? I worry about that all the time, even though right now I'm only 23. Yet my fear is I'll wake up one day and find myself 50 years old and never having a girlfriend and being a sad pathetic excuse for a human being. Can this happen, has it happened to anyone? I wonder how many people out there have gone their entire lives without finding someone. It seems if I do end up sad, old, and alone my life would have been worthless. A sad joke God has played on me. Giving me the intense desire to love another person, but giving me no abiltiy to even approach these people. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have the intense emotions towards many girls that I encounter in life. But I do and I think about talking to them and asking them out and living happily ever after and it never happens, ever. Just a continuing line of lonliness as I sit in the dark and think of what could have and should have happened. Its my biggest fear, being alone forever. Right now there seems no reason I will ever find someone. The task of simply talking to a girl I'm attracted to seems insurmountable. Yet if I don't manage to find someone soon I think I'll go crazy. Right now my breaking point I think will be turning 25. If by then still nothing has happened, I don't know what I'll do. Thats a year and half and counting. Yes, i toootally know what you mean Budhi! I worry about it a lot myself. We share the same biggest fear (ending up alone). But i try not to think about it too much. It just fills me with more doubt, ya know? I can only hope one day i'll meet the right person and be smart enough to know it, as i also have a problem opening up and letting people in.
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Post by Paulinus on Jul 11, 2005 2:50:07 GMT -5
I worry about the same thing. I'm 23 right now and a girlfriend seems like a distant prospect to me.
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Jul 11, 2005 5:53:55 GMT -5
When I read these posts, I try to think of something reassuring to say but really until it happens for you, there isn't much anyone can say.
Y'all probably will find someone.
Being alone isn't the worst thing really. Maybe cause I'm from a family of sorta loner types it seems pretty normal to me. My one sister is 47 and single. That is what she wants though. She seems to be pretty happy. My psycho sister got married in her late 30s.
I think ya usually find someone when you are least expecting it.
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Post by Samantha on Jul 11, 2005 7:26:54 GMT -5
Could be worse, you could be a phone forever *groan* sorry 25 is nothing. You're still young. Many people don't find someone special by then, shy or not. Although they probably have fun trying You seem like a cool bloke, someone WILL appreciate you. You just gotta keep putting yourself out there. Give yourself a chance to meet people. Easy in theory I know. You gotta keep asking yourself what's scarier? Being rejected or dying alone? Unfortunately the pain of rejection is immediate while the dying alone is a long way off but things happen. It may be a cliche but you could get hit by a bus tomorrow. People find love at all stages in life, don't set a time limit on it. Don't tell yourself it's too late, it's never going to happen. Life is a strange bird. Sometimes it can turn on it's head just like that. Sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better.
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Post by albetross on Jul 11, 2005 17:09:13 GMT -5
Yes, Ican totaly relate to how you feel. I'm 25 and I pretty much have given up on finding a signifigant other. I am getting sick of people saying "don't worry, you'll find someone someday" I just want to tell them If and I mean if it ever happens then I'll believe it, until then shut the $%#@ up. Also ovet the years I have become a distrusting person so getting me to open up to anyone is near impossible
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Post by annaa on Jul 11, 2005 17:10:53 GMT -5
I can relate to this. I've a lot of issues, and I don't see how anyone would ever want me.
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Post by Crashtastic on Jul 11, 2005 17:15:34 GMT -5
I can relate to this. I've a lot of issues, and I don't see how anyone would ever want me. Yeah I know what you mean I wonder that all the time. I'm a freakin mess sometimes lol
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Post by I am Jack's wasted life on Jul 11, 2005 18:41:43 GMT -5
I can relate to this. I've a lot of issues, and I don't see how anyone would ever want me. Ditto here. And when a guy gets interested in me i worry that he won't like me anymore once he starts talking to me and getting to know me .
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Post by lennythegiant on Jul 11, 2005 20:50:18 GMT -5
I can relate to this too, even though I might be the youngest in this thread so far at 20.
I've never had any experience having a girlfriend and it gets frustrating when most of the people I know at school have had a girlfriend/boyfriend already. It makes you feel pretty weird. I was talking with my room mates and one of our neighbors in college and one of my room mates asked our neighbor if she had ever made out with someone. She said something along the lines of "of course, who hasn't". I ended up talking about how I hadn't. I don't really care if people know or not, even though I feel weird about it. My neighbor told me to not be so shy anymore. I know she meant well but that's easy for her to say because she is pretty extroverted. I am not nearly as shy as I was in high school (back then I could barely approach girls or cashiers at stores even), but I still have no clue how to approach girls in a way other than friendship.
I'm not setting a deadline for myself. Not having a girlfriend is no reason to hurt yourself. I think that I can have a girlfriend eventually, even if it isn't in college because in college the girls can be kinda shallow (even though they are very nice in general). And if I don't I can probably find other ways to be happy.
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Post by Bodhi on Jul 11, 2005 21:03:11 GMT -5
I was talking with my room mates and one of our neighbors in college and one of my room mates asked our neighbor if she had ever made out with someone. She said something along the lines of "of course, who hasn't". I ended up talking about how I hadn't. I don't really care if people know or not, even though I feel weird about it. Wow, you're more brave than me. If I had been in your situation I proabally would have lied and said I had made out too. That is one of the reasons not having a girlfriend is really pressing on me, not only do I really want one, but society says I should and everyone expects you to have one. Even when I go visit my grandmother she always asks if I've met any cute girls. Its so much pressure from all directions.
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Post by chemistry on Jul 11, 2005 21:07:00 GMT -5
To everyone on this thread You all know me by now and you all know that nobody knows about fear of being alone more than me. I'm 36 and I've yet to be with someone. However, my confidence is building despite a setback this weekend. I didn't want to mention this before but there is a woman who I'm friendly with. As much as I'd like it to work out, I've decided to stay friends with this particular woman for now. It's a long story and if you wish to read about it, I'll tell you later.
All of us need to push ourselves. It's that simple. I've already started by going to the singles function and standing up to that employee who tried to take my money for a gift I never saw. I just have to keep trying. We all have to keep trying and then it WILL happen for us.
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Post by allen on Jul 11, 2005 23:31:46 GMT -5
Welcome to my world. So far I seem to be the oldest one in this group....closer to 50 than to the ages of most of the people here.....I am absolutely sure my life is doomed to be alone and it scares the hell out of me. It depresses me more and more every day to the point where I am having extreme difficulty concentrating.
It was very hard in my twenties but I got by believing when people reassured me that I was still young and had a lot going for me. Then I hit my thirties and wasn't so young anymore, but now women were supposed to be interested in a "nice guy" like me after giving up their deisre for the "bad boy" type. Now that I'm almost 40, I realize that no women will ever want to be with me. I spent the last 10 years not wasting opportunities and actually asking girls out and doing the personal ads and stuff like that and its just shattered my confidence to a point that I don't know if I can ever recover from.
I'm pretty confident that I'll make it to 40, but I don't think I will live to see 50 unless something drastic changes in my life.
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Post by chemistry on Jul 12, 2005 1:26:41 GMT -5
Allen Just the other day, I was very depressed about seeing two people who I had not seen in a long time. They picked on me and made me feel like shit back then and today they're married with children while I'm still alone. It hurt terribly and I posted on another thread that I wasn't gonna make it to forty because I'd rather kill myself then live alone for the rest of my life. But then on Sunday I got to talk to two different girls and they were very nice to me. So therefore, It's not me. We can't allow ourselves to be so down like this. We shy people HAVE to keep trying and not give up. I know I won't. I went to a singles function and I stood up to a co-worker over some issue. I'm coming out of my shell and I am determined to find my special someone. Don't give up Allen. There is a woman for each of us man. Keep looking, you'll find her.
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