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Post by Sigh on Nov 12, 2010 14:27:34 GMT -5
I AM JUST SO SICK OF EVERYTHING! I WOULD GLADLY DROP DOWN DEAD THIS VERY SECOND JUST TO NOT SUFFER A MINUTE LONGER, TO NOT HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE TORTURE. ANXIETY CAN GO FUCK ITSELF, I'M SICK AND TIRED... NO ONE WILL TELL ME HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY, I JUST GET TOLD OVER AND OVER AGAIN THAT GOING OUTSIDE AND FEELING LIKE SHIT WILL MAKE IT GO AWAY BUT IT DOESN'T'!!!!!!! IT JUST COMES BACK IN THE END, WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT WHEN I WILL ALWAYS END UP BACK HERE OVER AND OVER. WHAT'S THE POINT OF TRYING TO GO OUTSIDE ON MY OWN WHEN THE PANIC ATTACKS WILL COME BACK IN THE END, WHEN I WON'T BE ABLE TO GO OUT AGAIN IN THE END. UNTIL SOMEONE TELLS ME HOW TO FIX THIS, HOW TO PROPERLY FIX THIS SPECIFICALLY RATHER THAN "KEEP GOING OUT AND IT WILL GO AWAY" THERE'S NO POINT, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE IT AND UNTIL I DO IT WILL JUST KEEP HAPPENING
I WISH SO MUCH THAT I WAS DEAD, I'VE HAD ENOUGH... I've just had enough
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Post by urbanspaceman on Nov 13, 2010 16:46:30 GMT -5
Why can't this be over and done with?...... Is this honestly going to hang over me the rest of my life?...... FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU YOU BITCH HOW THE FUCK DID YOU THINK I'D FEEL HEARING THAT? AND FUCK ME FOR EVEN FEELING GUILTY ABOUT THINKING BAD THINGS ABOUT YOU! HONESTLY, HOW FUCKING PATHETIC AM I?? THERE ARE BIGGER THINGS IN THIS WORLD AND I'M WORRYING OVER YOU? YOU REALLY AREN'T WORTH THIS. AND NEITHER AM I THIS YEAR NEEDS TO END. NOW
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Post by madiocre on Nov 14, 2010 7:14:03 GMT -5
FUCK YOU YOU STUPID BITCH I KNOW WHO YOU ARE TOO IT MAKES ME SICK THAT I AM COMMING DOWNTO YOUR LEVEL AND EVEN CARING BUT THEN I GUESS I HAVE CREATED FAKE FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS TO BOTHER ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND AND WHAT HE DID A THOUSAND YEARS AGO AND NO IM NOT AS FUCKING NARROW MINDED AS YOU TO HOLD IT AGAINST HIM BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THE WORLD IS A COMPLICATED PLACE AND THAT WAS A COMPLICATE TALE OF EVENTS AND THAT FACT THAT YOU ARE TAUNTING ME ANOUT IT AND CREATING FACEBOOK ACOOUNTS TO STALK ME AND HARRAS ME BECAUSE IM WITH HIM IS BECAUSE YOU ARE JEALOUS THAT HE DUMPED YOU WHICH HAPPENED OVER 3 YEARS AGO THIS ALSO MAKES YOU A FUCKING HYPOCRIT FOR CRITISISING ME BECAUSE YOU ONLY WANT TO HURT US BECAUSE YOU OBVIUOSLY STILL WANT HIM IT MAKES ME SICK TO DEATH THINKING THAT I UNBEKNOWINGLY HAD YOU ON MY ACCOUNT FOR OVER A YEAR, IT ALSO SICKEN ME THAT YOU ARE ABLE TO DO THIS SHIT EVEN TOUGH I KNOW YOU ARE A PATHETIC WASTE OF SPACE. IT FUCKING IS UNFAIR THAT OU CAN EVEN EFFECT MY FEELINGS . AND NOW YOU DONT RETURN MY FUCKING MESSAGES THIS REALLY PISSES ME OFF RAHHH I WANT FUCKINNG CLOSURE FROM YOU I WANT SOMETHING REAL, I WANT YOUR REAL NAME SO I CAN REVENGE YOU AND EXPOSE HOW PATHETIC YOU REALLY ARE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT RAHHH FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCKY FUCK
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Post by strawberrysweetie on Jan 23, 2011 18:31:25 GMT -5
I'M A FUCKING MORON. End of story.
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Post by strawberrysweetie on Feb 25, 2011 3:44:58 GMT -5
I feel like a big pile of stinking shit.
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Post by geekguy on Mar 10, 2011 12:15:53 GMT -5
Just... Fuck. I'm so down from all this shit I can't even get worked up about it to really express how bitter and pissed off I feel about everything, about how things were so great during my kiddy years of playing video games all day long because I was really really scared of interacting with other kids, but now that I'm older all that has changed to me sheltering myself from the world, from my responsibilities because I was never made to feel like I was worth anything at all. Stop telling me I can do anything I want to, you know damn well I can't. The only thing I can do is be cannon fodder for insulting jokes and play video games really well. You can clearly see I'm not coping with anything, that I'm not the way I used to be, and yet you do nothing to intervene, simply telling me that it's "my responsibility." That'd be great if it were just a case of me being lazy, but instead I feel completely incapable and as a result find myself paralyzed with fear and negative thoughts anytime I try to do anything to get out of this situation. So here we are again, back where we started, ready to run through this whole business again of heaping demands, responsibilities, and expectations upon me when you know I am incapable of handling it.
It's not like I don't want things to change either. It's just that I can't change them myself. It's simply at the point where it's beyond me, beyond the part where all I have to do is make the leap, for even with a leap I will not make it alone. Yet you just watch and blame and rage. Despite all the good you have done, I find myself with nothing but hate and contempt for you now. It is sad that instead of looking forward to work, socialising, going out for a drink, the latest game release etc, I instead find myself thinking "I wonder if I would even cry if my parents died," "maybe something will finally snap if one day they have a car accident," and the like.
I don't want things to be like this. I think I need psychiatric help, but I'm so confused as to how to go about getting it. After talking to my brother even HE recommended I talk to a doctor. I have a medical plan in front of me, from the time I nearly died drinking bourbon alone in my room. The scrawls read "Issue : Depression/Suicidal Thoughts" "Demonstrated Symptoms : - Sleep disturbance - Loss of energy - Feeling slowed down - Excessive self-criticism - Feelings of worthlessness - Feelings of helplessness - Brooding about the past - Decreased self-confidence - Feelings of depression or sadness - Angry thoughts - Feelings of hopelessness - Decreased pleasure or enjoyment - Suicidal thoughts - Feeling pessimistic - Loss of Motivation - Decreased Productivity - Apathy and indifference - Social Withdrawal" This was from 7 months ago. Since then things have stayed relatively the same, going up and down a bit, but I've always been too apprehensive about it all to go back to the doctor. Last time, mum took me after she spent the morning cleaning up my vomit off the carpet. I can't bring myself to pick up the phone and make an appointment. I feel like if I don't do it soon, things are only going to get worse and worse inside my mind.
It's so pathetic, I may as well be dead for all I'm worth.
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Post by Karen on Mar 12, 2011 10:12:40 GMT -5
Geekguy, I've been where you are right now, literally.
There was a time in my life when I though I was going insane because of how bad things were. I was living at home at the time and my parents, unfortunately, were not able or willing to see ...... well to see me, for the person that I was, and not the person they wanted or expected me to be. So on top of having no friends, no life, no job, no anything, I also had this constant air of pressure and disapproval.
I can tell you from my own life, that things DO change, it doesn't seem like that now, but believe me they do. I never went to a doctor, I ended up just getting any job I could get, even though it was scary and hard, I got work and I moved out of my parents house, and to be honest it was the best thing I've ever done. Living at home was not a healthy environment. It made all my problems worse.
It sounds like your in the same boat I was, I don't know what the right answer for you is, but I think you should try seeing a doctor, they will help you figure out how to handle alot of situations that may seem impossible, they will give you the tools to cope. And they will do so with kindness and understanding.
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Post by geekguy on Mar 13, 2011 11:11:48 GMT -5
Thanks Karen, it always helps to know that others have been where I am and have succeeded in moving past all the hurdles and pain. I definitely don't want to stay like this forever, I would feel too ashamed of myself to be a burden to everyone forever.
Indeed I actually managed to ring up the doctor and make an appointment for today (it just ticked midnight Monday 14th here) at 10 am. Turns out I have to walk 3 and a half kilometres to get to the office so today will probably be a very tiring day. I think I'll go to the arcade at my local shopping centre afterward, grab some subway to eat, and then head home.
Again, thanks. I hope I don't have to post any more ranty-ness in this thread :3
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Post by Karen on Mar 13, 2011 12:59:23 GMT -5
Indeed I actually managed to ring up the doctor and make an appointment for today Really glad to hear it
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Post by Sigh on Mar 13, 2011 13:08:13 GMT -5
Damn you channel 4! Y U MOVE TIME TEAM WITHOUT WARNING!
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Post by geekguy on Mar 14, 2011 12:17:09 GMT -5
Indeed I actually managed to ring up the doctor and make an appointment for today Really glad to hear it Went through and saw the doctor, I talk about it a little bit in a video I'm currently uploading. (It's gonna be ages until it's up though). It was nice because he talked about it in a realistic way on a level I could relate to. He basically recommended that while I could go the medication route, I should make an appointment to see a clinical psychologist, so I'm going to do that. I prodded him with random questions about how he grew up which led to various discussions relevant to my condition such as the struggle to find what you want to do in life at such a young age, family stuff etc. I'll miss seeing him when we move down to our new area.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Mar 14, 2011 14:20:30 GMT -5
Really glad to hear it Went through and saw the doctor, I talk about it a little bit in a video I'm currently uploading. (It's gonna be ages until it's up though). It was nice because he talked about it in a realistic way on a level I could relate to. He basically recommended that while I could go the medication route, I should make an appointment to see a clinical psychologist, so I'm going to do that. I prodded him with random questions about how he grew up which led to various discussions relevant to my condition such as the struggle to find what you want to do in life at such a young age, family stuff etc. I'll miss seeing him when we move down to our new area. i see the answer to one of my questions. i would recommend a psych for the depression as well. they are trained to diagnose and treat depression whereas gp's are not. good luck with it.
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Post by Sigh on Mar 16, 2011 8:34:19 GMT -5
FUCK YOU AND THE SHIP YOU SAILED ON, NHS!!!
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Post by Karen on Apr 4, 2011 11:31:50 GMT -5
Customer service guy named Bill, did you really feel it was necessary to be such an asshole to me? really!!?? Your company charged my company a random fucking amount, even though WE DON'T DO BUSINESS WITH YOU!!!! I was calling to find out what the fuck the charge was and if we even needed to pay it, You felt the need to not listen, to interrupt every fucking two seconds, to talk down to me and put me on hold for ten minutes and then.... AND THEN you have the asshattedness to ask me what I was calling for! really guy? really!!? and then you feel the need to insult me, and the company I work for, all because we got some random charge and I was trying to find out what the fucking fuck it was. Bill, you are a douchbag. and no sort of gentleman. Bill, I hope you have terrible day today.
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Post by geekguy on Apr 5, 2011 3:02:26 GMT -5
Customer service guy named Bill, did you really feel it was necessary to be such an asshole to me? really!!?? Your company charged my company a random fucking amount, even though WE DON'T DO BUSINESS WITH YOU!!!! I was calling to find out what the fuck the charge was and if we even needed to pay it, You felt the need to not listen, to interrupt every fucking two seconds, to talk down to me and put me on hold for ten minutes and then.... AND THEN you have the asshattedness to ask me what I was calling for! really guy? really!!? and then you feel the need to insult me, and the company I work for, all because we got some random charge and I was trying to find out what the fucking fuck it was. Bill, you are a douchbag. and no sort of gentleman. Bill, I hope you have terrible day today. Wow Bill sounds like an asshole. Try not to let it bother you too much, this stuff seems to happen all the time unfortunately . Just today I saw some old lady get on the bus I was on and start bitching like mad to the bus driver who just sorta sighed and told her (in admirably more polite terminology) to sit down and shut up. These people are not even worth the time lol. (And I hope I don't come off as condescending typing this eheh :3). oh and because I can't remember how to quote a second person: Sigh: sorry but what is NHS?
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