should i go to party

[delia]

Hi guys, my aunt is having a birthday party next week. I am painfully shy and at all the other parties I have been to all I do is sit there like a plank of wood. This time I am in two minds whether to go. What do you all think?

[CaryGrant]

Hi delia - this issue comes up regularly on here - lots of us struggle with whether to go to these types of events and what to do while there.

All I can tell you is what helped me. I changed my ideas about what I expected to get out of the party, about my expectations of my own behavior and thoughts. At first, I would view it as a victory if I even WENT to any party, and congratulate myself for that. Then I moved on to being happy that I was able to be observant of others, not so focused on myself. Then, when I was able to spot other quiet people and say hi to them.

You get the idea. If you are going to be disappointed with yourself because you don't measure up to some ideal image you have of yourself, you're bound to be disappointed. If you can lower that expectation, you'll be proud of whatever positive steps you do take.

[Japanese]

CaryGrant said:

I changed my ideas about what I expected to get out of the party, about my expectations of my own behavior and thoughts. At first, I would view it as a victory if I even WENT to any party, and congratulate myself for that. Then I moved on to being happy that I was able to be observant of others, not so focused on myself. Then, when I was able to spot other quiet people and say hi to them.

Wonderful! And we can apply this method to almost all kinds of social situations.

[Irene]

I agree with the advice. Like CaryGrant, I started doing things step by step, and until I was ok with that step, I wouldn't move on. For example, my first goal would be to just go, even if I talked to no one. After I did this, I would see that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, and then next time I went someplace I'd try to talk to someone.

We all have things we'd rather not do because of our shyness. However, we have to do them, and this is really important because only this way will we see that things aren't as bad as we think them to be. If we always stay home avoiding things, our fear will just keep growing.

So delia, I would say go to the party, and don't worry about talking to anyone. This time, just concentrate on smiling and trying to relax. After you've got that down, you'll be able to move on to other things; you'll know when you're ready. Anyway, good luck and let us know how it goes.

[Alecto]

I agree. Go ahead and go to the party. Don't be too anxious about talking or anything like that. Just make sure to relax and enjoy yourself