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Post by endangeredsp on Sept 4, 2004 13:58:45 GMT -5
Hello everyone. I'm new to the board and have a "shy dilemma." Ok, I'm a shy girl. And I have always been attracted to the shy/quiet type men. So of course NOTHING ever comes out of it. And it's not that I like the person because of their shyness or quietness--I HATE that part. It's just that when I find myself attracted to a guy they turn out to be this way. Maybe it's something psychological, I don't know. But anyway, here's my current dilemma... Ok, there's this guy I like at my gym (I work out there, and he works there--he's a trainer.) He never talks to me. I'm a regular there and I'm sure everybody on staff knows my face there by now. This particular guy talks a lot to other people there, but seems to be shy around me. He likes to hang around me or be near me a lot--but he never says anything to me. When I'm in the pool swimming laps, he makes a point to come into the pool room to clean (I've tested it, I've gone to the pool room at different times on different days, and he always comes in to clean when I'm there.) But we can never say anything to each other but, uh... hello, or how are you. Or when we can't manage to get words out, we only smile at each other.) Please, help, I really like this one and don't want to blow this because we are both shy. What to do, what to do???!!! I'd at least like to be friends with him even if we never get together. I have very little friends because I am shy. Help.
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uniquely distressed
Guest
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Post by uniquely distressed on Sept 5, 2004 16:39:01 GMT -5
it sounds like he obviously likes you, maybe he's just as scared as you on the inside. you're off to a good start with the smiling for sure, it takes me ages to smile at a guy i like.
questions are a good way to get people talking, and gives you time to think about what to say next at the same time. why don't you ask him a question, it can be anything, like something about the gym equipment i.e. what amount of time should you be using the bike for ideally for example. if he likes you, he'll love the chance to talk to you and will happily respond,even ask you a question to make the conversation longer.
another thing you could do is say a statement, like when he's 'cleaning' you could walk past and say something like "you like cleaning don't you!" smile and see what response you get. if he likes you he should see some humour in that and say something, you can then respond to.
i know its hard, but the signs are all there for sure that he wants to get to know you, and even if it doesn't develop into a relationship, you'll still have someone you can talk to at the gym, right.
often its the first steps that are the worst, trust me. good luck!
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ShyOne
Junior Member
Posts: 69
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Post by ShyOne on Sept 24, 2004 13:54:30 GMT -5
he really likes you.go for it.
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Post by Lone star on Oct 12, 2004 9:19:22 GMT -5
When he's cleaning, say "you've missed a spot" and when he looks at you, and says "where?" - You can say -"right on my ass after you've kissed it".
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Post by lonelyone on Nov 7, 2004 16:10:28 GMT -5
Hello everyone. I'm new to the board and have a "shy dilemma." Ok, I'm a shy girl. And I have always been attracted to the shy/quiet type men. So of course NOTHING ever comes out of it. ... This particular guy talks a lot to other people there, but seems to be shy around me. He likes to hang around me or be near me a lot--but he never says anything to me. When I'm in the pool swimming laps, he makes a point to come into the pool room to clean (I've tested it, I've gone to the pool room at different times on different days, and he always comes in to clean when I'm there.) But we can never say anything to each other but, uh... hello, or how are you. Or when we can't manage to get words out, we only smile at each other.) Please, help, I really like this one and don't want to blow this because we are both shy. What to do, what to do???!!! I'd at least like to be friends with him even if we never get together. I have very little friends because I am shy. Help. I really feel for ya, I sure can relate. I've been in a similar situation for a long time with a guy I'm crazy about. All I can suggest is to try to be very patient, and make sure you're not getting all wrapped up in your own shy thoughts and forgetting to give him a positive response each time you see him. It's easy for shy people to misinterpret things people do and say, as you know. So try to make sure you give him a big smile and hello at least every time you see him, even if you can't manage more conversation each time. You will probably find in time when he realizes that you must like him or at least are receptive to him that he will warm up bit by bit. At least that 's your best chance. But be prepared to take baby steps to make progress, don't push too hard or you may find yourself losing ground. And don't take it personally if you say something by way of making conversation and he doesn't seem to respond. He may need some time getting used to contact with you before he can engage in conversation. You know how it is, don't have to tell you!
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Post by browneyes on Nov 7, 2004 22:30:33 GMT -5
Hello everyone. I'm new to the board and have a "shy dilemma." Ok, I'm a shy girl. And I have always been attracted to the shy/quiet type men. So of course NOTHING ever comes out of it. And it's not that I like the person because of their shyness or quietness--I HATE that part. It's just that when I find myself attracted to a guy they turn out to be this way. Maybe it's something psychological, I don't know. But anyway, here's my current dilemma... Ok, there's this guy I like at my gym (I work out there, and he works there--he's a trainer.) He never talks to me. I'm a regular there and I'm sure everybody on staff knows my face there by now. This particular guy talks a lot to other people there, but seems to be shy around me. He likes to hang around me or be near me a lot--but he never says anything to me. When I'm in the pool swimming laps, he makes a point to come into the pool room to clean (I've tested it, I've gone to the pool room at different times on different days, and he always comes in to clean when I'm there.) But we can never say anything to each other but, uh... hello, or how are you. Or when we can't manage to get words out, we only smile at each other.) Please, help, I really like this one and don't want to blow this because we are both shy. What to do, what to do???!!! I'd at least like to be friends with him even if we never get together. I have very little friends because I am shy. Help. I can really relate to your situation. I too like this guy that works at the YMCA that I swim and work out at and I have only mustered up enough courage to only say hello. and even one time I was too shy and didnt' say hi to him. I had one opportunity for conversation with him when the YMCA had a members meeting with the staff in which he was present at, and afterwards there was refreshments, I totally chickened out and didn't go to the refresment table because of my fears. So, I lost a good opportunity to ask him a question or just interact with anyone for that matter. I left the meeting as soon as it was over. Although, I did participate in the meeting, I shared with the group only once. I see that you posted this message a while ago. I would like to know whatever happened with the guy at your gym. I see that others provided a lot of good suggestions. Did any of them work. Maybe I can learn a few things that worked for you.
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Post by endangeredsp on Dec 5, 2004 18:34:58 GMT -5
"I see that you posted this message a while ago. I would like to know whatever happened with the guy at your gym. I see that others provided a lot of good suggestions. Did any of them work. Maybe I can learn a few things that worked for you."
Well, he stopped coming in the pool room after a while. And I thought maybe he wasn't interested anymore. And that made me even more nervous. And we never really spoke much unless we passed each other in the halls. The next month, I had to take a break from going to the gym and I didn't see him for a whole month. Now I'm back there, and it's the same as before. Just hello. That's it. I don't really think he likes me anymore. Or maybe I was wrong about it from the beginning. Not much of an update on it, eh. Sorry, I didn't have a more romantic one. Someone else has kind of got my attention now, anyway, and I don't really think about him much anymore.
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