overreacting to 'negative' behavior?

[shrinkingviolet]

i've been thinking alot about how sometimes i overreact to other people. sometimes they express 'negative' emotions like anger, frustration, depression, just plain uptightness, etc. this is normal and natural, but for some reason i have alot of problems when it happens. like this week at work there's a big upheaval going on and people are getting fired, demoted, etc. it's got my guts churning something awful. so often when someone seems to be angry i'll freak out and get as far from them as i can. it's as though i'm afraid i just won't be able to deal with it, or i'm literally afraid of getting hurt sometimes. i try not to take such things so personally, but it happens alot anyway. i just seem to be oversensitive or something. i mean, it's not like they have an uzi and are going to mow me down or anything. anybody else dealing with anything like this?

[urbanspaceman]

I get this feeling quite a lot, especially when I was at my last job (I'm at university at the mo). Our department was being prepared to move to another building in another town, and everyone who wanted to keep their jobs was made to re-apply for them (dumb I know, applying for a job you already have). At first I didn't think this would bother me, knowing that I would be leaving anyway to start uni, but I found myself becoming fearful and extremely nervy around others who were worried, anxious or angry about what was happening.
Shrinkingviolet, I think you're right when you talk about being oversensitive, that seems to be a quality a lot of shy people share. We tend to be able to sense when people are emotional. Say, someone will walk into a room, and on the surface say they are fine, but you can kind of sense there's something wrong. I don't think this is a bad quality to have by the way, much better than being completely numb to other people's feelings or not giving a damn.

It's just a lot of the time, being so acutely aware of how other people are feeling kind of makes you even more sensitive and emotionally drained at the end of a day.

I just kinda try and look at being sensitive as a positive trait to have, even tho it can take its toll sometimes, and it's helped to develop other positive qualities, like being a loyal and compassionate friend, at least I'd like to think so!

Don't know if that makes any sense, or is of any help Shrinkingviolet, but I'm sure many people on this board have felt like this at some time, you're definitely not alone

[Medici]

I've felt the same way. Especially growing up around my father who had an explosive temper and my 2 brothers who are both very loud people. I just wanted to get away from that noise, chaos, and disruption.

At work it bothers me a lot when people get all fired up and start shouting. But I guess I have learned to handle it over the years. Its survival really. When I first started working I used to drink a lot and I was really stressed out by just being in the office environment. Gradually I learned better ways to cope using exercise, taking quiet time alone, mental attitude, and good diet. Its like I have to do a lot of extra things just to deal with normal life, but you have to play the hand you're dealt don't you?

Now I am figuring out a way to change my career so that I can be more independant and possibly down the road work on my own or at home. I think I can be a lot healthier and happier that way.

Work sucks.

[shrinkingviolet]

thanks, guys. at least it helps not to feel alone in this. sometimes i just feel like such a weakling. a friend at work got demoted and she's having a really rough time and i feel so bad for her. i sat at my desk unable to think of anything else for hours last night just getting more and more upset... not able to say anything to her or look at her cuz the emotions were so strong. i went on my break and while i was out got a blank card. i didn't have the slightest idea what to say so i just said i just wanted her to know i was thinking about her and hoped things would start looking up soon. it was really hard for me to give her the card but i just felt i had to do something or she would think i was going to treat her like a pariah (which is what happens where i work when you have something like this happen). she did seem to appreciate it. but the thing is, i like her and all, but we're not friends outside of work or anything, and i was on the verge of tears most of the night! i just can't seem to handle this kind of thing without overreacting so bad. i wish i could control my emotions better.

[Cassava]

Yeah a big part of being shy (at least for me) is worrying about what others think. This sort of extends to feeling concerned about when others have problems.

A lot of times I just want to be by myself so I don't have to worry about other people's troubles. I have enough with my own.

[Medici]

Guest-shrinkingviolet said:

i like her and all, but we're not friends outside of work or anything, and i was on the verge of tears most of the night! i just can't seem to handle this kind of thing without overreacting so bad. i wish i could control my emotions better.

Do you have any other symptoms of depression? If you feel really sad a lot and overreact you could be in a depressed state. Maybe you are overstressed. In any case it sounds like something is out of whack. Maybe try to realease some tension....go on vacation for a while if possible. Sounds like you need to get away, get some perspective and relax.

[shrinkingviolet]

Medici said:

Do you have any other symptoms of depression? If you feel really sad a lot and overreact you could be in a depressed state. Maybe you are overstressed. In any case it sounds like something is out of whack. Maybe try to realease some tension....go on vacation for a while if possible. Sounds like you need to get away, get some perspective and relax.

actually i don't think i have to be depressed to react like this, it's just what i do. i'm superempathetic and when someone is in any kind of agitated state i just soak it up somehow. this is one of the reasons i usually keep my headphones on and mind my own business at work, and why i don't allow too many people to get close to me. the minute i start to care about someone it just makes me that much more sensitive to their feelings. it's not just situations like work either. i also do this in personal relationships, like romantic type relationships. i just can't handle a guy being angry with me at all. i know this is unrealistic because people do get angry sometimes and it's normal, but it makes me scamper if i think a guy is mad at me.