Hello :-) Im New Too

[Some Guy]

I'm not really sure how to intoduce myself so ill just do it. Im Adrian Miller and the reason im here is because today I kind of admitted to myself for the first time ever that I am actually "SHY". For years i have been telling myself that "I'm not shy, I'm just quiet" and made excuses for not getting to know people. For example when i've got a new short term job and i dont talk to anyone i tell myself that "its only temporary there is no point in getting to know people anyway" and "everyone is different to me so i may aswell just stick with my old friends". I have recently admitted to myself that i am feeling lonely at the moment and today i have admitted finally that I am shy, i think these things are very closely connected btw. For years people have been telling me that im shy but like ive said, i made an excuse to myself that im not, until now.

Ive spent a bit of time looking around this place tonight and I cant believe how much i can 100% relate to the things people have been saying, this all further confirms my new admittance that i am infact shy. I am 18 and have a job working in a call centre (im fine on the phone to strangers, terrible face-to-face with real people) and i dont know anybody who works with me. I barely say a thing to anybody all day and it can get quite uncomfortable. I have been there for approaching 3 months and I am now being known as the "quiet one" by my co-workers. Tomorrow is in fact the christmas lunch/party for my works team. i am the only person who will not be attending. Some people would say that i should be going to try and make friends but it would be so uncomfortable for me i cant even imagine it. One co-worker just yesterday said i was being "my usual noisy self" and said i should go so they could see if i would "be so quiet with a few drinks inside me." Tomorrow afternoon i will be sat in my office and be the only person there with about 25 empty seats surrounding me. All the other 12 teams of about 30 each people will be there and see me and im sure will make some kind of "billy no-mates" remarks to me. Im not exactly looking forward to work tomorrow.

Anyways, hello everyone! Im very sorry if im rambled on but thats just whats on my mind, im sure many of you have much bigger problems than me but i thank you for your time if you've paid attention to me!

[Boblouie58]

Adrian, welcome to this site with the rest of us. We all deal with our shyness by listening to advice on here and seeing if it applies to our situation.
I too would encourage you to go to the Christmas function, you could be surprised in that its a better thing than you feel right now. You can't hide from yourself forever and even though others may say some things to you that make you feel unwelcome, they probably don't know what to say to you as they don't know you. If it takes a beer or a drink and you aren't against drinking...go ahead and enjoy yourself. What better than to do it with co-workers who know you and your situation.
Report back and tell us how the party was.

[Some Guy]

Thanks for the advice Bob and the welcome . There are 2 office parties this week which start during work hours. The first of these parties was today. i didnt go so i was in the office on my own surrounded by empty seats. I was worried about how uncomfortable it would be before they all left at lunchtime with me just sitting there. It wasnt quite as bad as i feared as they pretty much just left and didnt say much to me and when they were gone I was quite content being there on my own. There is another party on Friday so ill be alone again as im not going and its too late now anyway to go even if i wanted to.

I know its a mistake ive made before but this is a temporary job and i think i will be quitting in a couple of months and i do feel it is too late to get to know everyone from where i work and i just want to finish now because i hate the job anyway. My co-workers are never bad to me and if they call me quiet they dont mean it in a bad way but I still feel uncomfortable sometimes and have nothing in common with them.

[greedy_goddess]

Yikes! I'm not that shy.I can be really really social sometimes ...Usually when I'm drunk or something. But it depend on what group I'm around that makes me really shy or not. *rolls eyes at self* God! I can't explain myself today!!! I give up...I hope that made sence,and if not then...
Melisa

[CaryGrant]

Adrian - take the steps you can make yourself consistently take without danger of having a backlash. You didn't go to the parties, but you have 'finally' identified that are shy. That's the first and biggest step. I say finally, because some of us waited till much later in life to admit to ourselves we were shy! I'm 40+ and working on overcoming shyness, and boblouie overcame his shyness in his forties, for example. So you're not doing too badly at 18.

Getting a book on shyness (Carducci has some good ones) would be very helpful. Also, start observing the people around you; you'll find that there are other shy people: 50% of the population is classed as shy, though in varying ways, of course. Some can't even talk on the phone the way you can!

Try not to say, "This is only temporary, so no point talking to anyone." I've moved almost every year for the past 10 years, changing jobs and even countries, and it was a great excuse to not connect with anyone - except now I'm ten years older and that much lonelier. My sister has also moved a lot, but because she made the effort to connect with people, she has friends all over two countries now.

If nothing else, view talking to some non-threatening people as practice. Don't think of them as future friends, just people you are practicing your social skills, on, getting to know about, etc.

Best wishes!