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Post by blondie86 on Feb 22, 2005 23:28:17 GMT -5
I am currently in technical college and sometimes (rarely) I feel ok, but usually depressed, never truly happy really. I am really shy and have all kinds of self esteem issues. I have been shy pretty much since i started school. I think the cause of this is my growing up, my brother and people I know used to critisize everything that came out of my mouth so I learned to keep my mouth shut so I wouldn't be made fun of. Then although I am attractive, I always feel ugly and can't look people in the eyes very long, this I think is because one of my parents used to always stare at me and tell me what was wrong with me, or "why are you wearing that, you can't wear that" So now I always feel like everyone who looks at me thinks i'm ugly. I think i have social anxiety disorder too because I'm afraid to talk to people I don't know, constantly thinking what does he/she think of me? and when i'm talking to them I don't know what to say because i'm preoccupied with what they would think if I said that . I constantly put myself down every day, telling myself I'm stupid, ugly, worthless, shouldn't be alive, etc. and the biggest thing is my shyness keeps getting worse I think, I hate myself even more because my parents are nice but have really hurt my feelings, talked very negatively to me in the past and they know i'm shy and they always bring it up and say how it's bad and tease me about it and negatively tell me i shouldn't be like that and you need to be more outgoing. They used to compare me to my cousin and say "you need to be more outgiong like your cousin" and all of this has caused me to become more shy because I feel so ashamed for it. I wish I could change and be happy but I don't think I can change me negative self thoughts. Sorry this was so long for anyone who read it, but i've never told anyone this before so thanks for reading
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Post by old free guy on Feb 23, 2005 0:06:33 GMT -5
hi there. most of us have similar environment and experiences. I like to suggest some questions that you should ask yourself. Why are you feeling depressed ? What caused it ? What can you do to get out of depression ? Can you analysis your shyness and describe what exactly is it ? Can you think of treatment to overcome your shyness ? Are you just starting to learn about shyness ? Are you actively changing your shyness ? Such as seeking help, doing recommended exercises. Tell us more
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Post by blondie86 on Feb 23, 2005 0:28:17 GMT -5
I am depressed because I feel ugly even though I'm not, it's a psychological thing, also because I don't have a boyfriend and I feel like they hate me and I'll never get one, also because school is tough and I find it hard to ask my instructor sometimes because I feel stupid and think he'll think I'm weird and stuff, also because I have few friends and when they don't call me or talk to me I feel like they hate me for some reason. There are many other factors in my depression though, the list goes on and on. I don't know what to do about my depression, I've tried being confident but never really helped and I went right back to my depressed self. It's hard to analyze it because there's so many things, I always think back to past experiences and how I was criticized, made fun of, how bad they went, huimliated. I constantly have negative feelings about myself and can't get rid of them because I know my parents aren't proud of me and my friends like me but have better friends than me. I'm not currently trying to help myself or change really because I feel helpless and hopeless, too far gone...
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Post by Medici on Feb 23, 2005 0:51:26 GMT -5
blondie, my only advice is to really work on finding something that you can do or get involved in that you will feel good about. Something that will occupy your mind and your time. Action is the cure for what ails you. If you don't feel good about school, then maybe try some things outside of school.
Its amazing how when I'm depressed my whole world view changes in an instant. My capability to reason just evaporates and I'm left with only bad emotions. Its a monumental struggle to even maintain any kind of meta-awareness. I try to use a kind of super-ego to tell myself that I'm depressed and that what I'm thinking is twisted and meaningless. That doesn't make the bad feelings go away, but it helps me through them. The worst though is having nothing to do so that I sit around brooding.
Hang in there...best wishes to you.
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Post by old free guy on Mar 2, 2005 4:58:04 GMT -5
One of the books I read, to help stop depression you need to keep yourself busy. The book suggest you do physical tasks all the waking hour of your day. So if a depressed person works in the farm from 4 am until 6pm. She doesn't have time to be depressed. Maybe it will relieve some of the depression. Don't give yourself time to be worried or depressed.
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Post by Medici on Mar 2, 2005 17:41:40 GMT -5
Thats true. I think keeping busy is very good for all kinds of problems.
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