So social lately I'm scared...

[Bodhi]

Well I started law school last week and I've been the most social I've ever been in my life and its kind of scary for some reason. It started at orientation last week and I made a vow before hand that I would really try to be friendly with everyone and put myself out there... and I did. It was fairly easy since no one knew each other and everyone was in the same boat of trying to meet new people. I introduced myself to so many people and socialized and basically tried to act like I wasn't shy at all, and I guess I did a good job. I also befriended one guy who was pretty outgoing and hanging out with him really helped me meet more people. I also went out the bar where all the students were hanging out and that helped me meet people.

Well today was the first day of classes and its so weird how many people I know now and I was talking to. In undergraduate I was a social recluse and had one good friend and basically barely talked to or hung out with anyone. Yet today I went into class and was talking to a number of people, and after class was talking to more, and went to the cafeteria and was sitting at a table with a number of people and acting very social. There were a number of people who said hi to me and know my name.

Its fantastic and giving me lots of confidence, yet scary in some way. Its daunting and like I have this responsibility now to keep up this sociability even though it can be stressful since I'm not used to it at all. I keep thinking I'll mess things up somehow and no one will want to talk to me. I'm worried they will discover I'm really a shy, quiet person who never had very many friends. Its stupid to think that way but true. I want more than anything to keep up this being so social though since I've never felt so accepted before. I don't feel like that quiet outsider anymore who sits alone and watches the other people laughing and having fun. Now its me laughing and having fun with people. I just worry it could all go away.

[zaab]

There are bound to be some quiet days too. When those days come, relax and give yourself permision to be that way too. It definitely doesn't mean you're regressing. You're proving to yourself that you can be a social and gregarious person and that is definitely who you are too. Don't think you are being something you're not, because it certainly is you. You simply didn't realize it before this. Make sense?

[Bodhi]

Thanks Sweet Pea and Zaab for the encouragement. Its tough, because not only am I'm being so much more social, but I'm starting school and the work load is pretty intense. I feel a bit overwhelmed but somehow having all this happen at once kind of makes it better because I don't stop and dwell on things that much. I'm just trying to let things happen and not overthink everything.

[zaab]

bodhi395 said:

Thanks Sweet Pea and Zaab for the encouragement. Its tough, because not only am I'm being so much more social, but I'm starting school and the work load is pretty intense. I feel a bit overwhelmed but somehow having all this happen at once kind of makes it better because I don't stop and dwell on things that much. I'm just trying to let things happen and not overthink everything.

Estupendo!

[Samantha]

That's fantastic Bodhi, I'm really happy for you. It's great you're able to have fun and enjoy yourself. It's natural for it to feel weird because it's completely contrary to everything that has gone before. You just have to give your poor brain a bit of time to adjust and catch up lol.

[Stranger]

Wow, that's amazing, Bodhi.

I think these stories that you've been sharing with us are really inspiring. Keep it up!

[shyaussiegal]

I don't think it's a step backwards to occassionally slip into being quiet/shy - it's a part of who you are. I'm sure there are many other non-shy people who have moods where they aren't as boisterous & talkative... you could always come across as this deep philosophical thinker during those periods hehe

[Bodhi]

Just updating things. I'm still trying to be social and doing a fairly good job I guess. Its still very confusing all the social dynamics one has to take into account. I kind of have fallen into a little 'clique' but I don't even really like the idea of that and want to be friends with lots of people, not seclude myself to one group. Yet I guess that's not how things work, people naturally separate themselves into their own groups.

I still kind of want a girlfriend and there are a couple girls I think I would be happy dating, although I'm not as social with them because I get nervous in their presence. Thus I doubt anything will come from it. Yet there are two girls I have no attraction to in a romantic way and I'm very social with and don't feel nervous talking to. It sucks that I can't act the same way with girls I do like, but I just get too nervous. It's the one big area that I haven't overcome yet.

[Bodhi]

sweetpea said:

do you feel like women are mysterious? if so, maybe more contact with women who don't make you nervous would help dispel the mystery? just a thought.

Like I said, I have been having a lot of contact with women that I'm not attracted to and don't have that much difficulty talking to them. But when I encounter a girl I see as someone I'd want to date, I revert to a very quiet person and have trouble intiating a conversation.

I don't think it's so much that I see them as mysterious, just I want so much for them to like me that I work myself up into a nervous state and can't say much of anything to them, so I end up staying quiet.

[Bodhi]

sweetpea said:

i guess what i was trying to say was maybe dating girls who don't make you nervous like that will help you learn more about women and end up making you less nervous with women you like. it has worked for some people.

The thing is any girl that I wouldn't be nervous around would be a girl that I wasn't interested in romantically. Thus I would have no desire to date them because I would feel no attraction. I guess I could date them anyway but it just would be weird and I would be leading them on probably since I didn't really like them and was only using them for practice.

Yet there are degrees of nervousness for the girls I am interested in. So it might be good to find a girl that I'm not 'crazy' about but still find attractive. Then I would still be nervous trying to ask her out and such, but it would be easier than the girls that I'm really into and who I get extremely nervous and toungue-tied around.

[pnoopiepnats]

bodhi395 said:

The thing is any girl that I wouldn't be nervous around would be a girl that I wasn't interested in romantically. Thus I would have no desire to date them because I would feel no attraction. I guess I could date them anyway but it just would be weird and I would be leading them on probably since I didn't really like them and was only using them for practice.

Yet there are degrees of nervousness for the girls I am interested in. So it might be good to find a girl that I'm not 'crazy' about but still find attractive. Then I would still be nervous trying to ask her out and such, but it would be easier than the girls that I'm really into and who I get extremely nervous and toungue-tied around.

Yeah nothing wrong with using lesser humans. You can just keep trading up and up to better and hotter women until it gets to the point where you are the one in danger of being traded in. Funny how it works like that. ;D

[mrblank]

Ha "lesser humans" that made me laugh.

[melissaqu]

Bodhi
I know what you mean about feeling like it might not last, but it's best for you to enjoy what you've got going good for you now

[missfreeme]

i think it would be good to just try to date the girls that you arnt as nervous around! learn alot from them and when your ready move onto the girls your really attracted to...thats what im trying to do but there are those areas im still bad at!