Afraid of saying something stupid.

[RockyRoad]

One of my major fears in social situations is saying the "wrong" thing in a conversation. I get scared that what ever I say will come across as stupid or inane. One thing that helps ( on the few times I can remember to do this )is to be quiet and just listen to the conversation that is going on, not just the words being said, but the tone and undercurrent of the conversation. When I can do this I often see that there are plenty of "stupid" or "inane" things being said by others, and that I am not always the only insecure one there.


Again--I can't allways remember to do this , but when I can it often helps.

[Zvezda]

I have the same problem. What I have learned to do is when that thought comes up ('what if I say something stupid') is to say 'what's the worst thing that can happen?' and 'we all make mistakes'. By allowing myself to make mistakes, and to say something stupid I am now more confident in what I say. Plus I always think to myself 'if someone else were to say that or were to make that mistake would you laugh at him and remember it, probably not'.

And you are right, when you listen closely to what others are saying you will notice mistakes being made.

[Max Power]

I'm not usually afraid of saying something stupid more than saying something inappropriate. I try to make everything I say light and funny, but when a joke of mine doesn't go well, I feel the worse, like I want to crawl in a shell and never come out. That's why I always hold back. Thank goodness I don't drink, otherwise I'd probably make a bafoon of myself.

[AnonYGirL]

Funny. I try talking sometimes when I have nothing of substance to say that might be stupid. People just look at me funny and then don't talk to me the rest of the time and put the interest in me into someone else. I decided to stop doing it because it never got me anywhere.

[JD]

First you need to keep talking to people no matter what. Next time you are with a friend, just talk no matter what you say. Even if you say something stupid. I have this same problem and I have observed a lot of the people i socialize with say a lot of stupid things. It really does'nt matter. I know this is easier said then done, but unfortunately you are gonna have to face your fear sometime. A way to overcome shyness is to say hi to as many people as you can so you can get an idea of what if feels like to talk with strangers. Just remember to practice. You can learn to do anything, and becoming comfortable with socializing can be learned. And don't forget to focus on positive things instead of negative. Being shy is caused by some sorta negative emotions in your mind. If you are someone who is shy and would like to overcome it then there is some negative emotion keeping you from it. For me i fear change as a result of overcoming my shyness. I fear that if my friends notice a dramatic change in me, they might think i am an imposter or something. One thing I learned to do is to work on small steps first; such as body language, then saying hi to strangers, then starting small talk with strangers. Eventually you will have changed and your friends wont really think anything of it. I noticed one of my friends who has changed over the course of a few years. He used to be kinda quiet and now he makes people laugh and is usually the life of the party. It doesnt seem weird too me or i dont think he is an imposter. Being confident is a mind set a skill that needs to be learned. In order to be confident and comfortable with something you must act on it and practice. Here is an example: The job i work at requires me to call people i dont know. At first i was terrified to call some stranger, but i had to do it. after a year I am confident as ever. I still get a little nervous, but not nearly as i did when i first started. The nervousness i get doesn't bother me a bit and it doesnt affect how i talk to the people on the phone. I believe when you practice something it may suck at first and you will make mistakes, but over time your mind will pick up on what works and you will learn new ways of doing a certain thing. As in my example of when i had to call people, I started to realize that my fear was not even true. These people i talked to didnt know me and never would no me so there would be no point to be shy or scared. One other suggestion is to laugh at what stupid thing you said or try to make a joke out of it. I say stupid things all the time and usually i said it in a way that made people laugh. A lot of times you may think it is stupid, but in fact it is just your negative thoughts making you think that. I am trying to adopt the attitude of "It is not my business to know what that person thinks of me". It really doesnt matter. As long as your a pretty cool person people will like you. Although not everyone will. well i hope this answers the question above and also helps others as well.

[Ms Pnats]

Im really good at saying stupid things.

[urbanspaceman]

I'm forever saying dumb things. One thing that worries me slightly though is saying something that is misinterpreted by others and not bothering to correct myself.

It could be saying something in a sarcastic manner, and because I'm usually so quiet, most people misconstrue what I'm on about. It's like the shock of me actually saying something automatically makes what I say strange or wholly inappropriate to the conversation.

Instead of just saying, 'I'm joking', I just don't bother and usually clam up completely after that.

All of this is probably in my head I know. If I can find a person to have a 'stupid' conversation with, all the better, I have enough of trying to be articulate and sensible in other areas of my life!

[daymon]

My thought process goes wacked in social situations, it's like im so focused on not looking in the persons eyes or concerned I don't look right that my mind doesn't think of things to say.

[lonelyheart]

yep just like me... i guess it would not be so bad if i could come up with clever or witty comebacks or remarks but i can't.

[old free guy]

JD said:

First you need to keep talking to people no matter what. Next time you are with a friend, just talk no matter what you say. Even if you say something stupid. I have this same problem and I have observed a lot of the people i socialize with say a lot of stupid things. It really does'nt matter. I know this is easier said then done, but unfortunately you are gonna have to face your fear sometime. A way to overcome shyness is to say hi to as many people as you can so you can get an idea of what if feels like to talk with strangers. Just remember to practice. You can learn to do anything, and becoming comfortable with socializing can be learned. And don't forget to focus on positive things instead of negative. Being shy is caused by some sorta negative emotions in your mind. If you are someone who is shy and would like to overcome it then there is some negative emotion keeping you from it. For me i fear change as a result of overcoming my shyness. I fear that if my friends notice a dramatic change in me, they might think i am an imposter or something. One thing I learned to do is to work on small steps first; such as body language, then saying hi to strangers, then starting small talk with strangers. Eventually you will have changed and your friends wont really think anything of it. I noticed one of my friends who has changed over the course of a few years. He used to be kinda quiet and now he makes people laugh and is usually the life of the party. It doesnt seem weird too me or i dont think he is an imposter. Being confident is a mind set a skill that needs to be learned. In order to be confident and comfortable with something you must act on it and practice. Here is an example: The job i work at requires me to call people i dont know. At first i was terrified to call some stranger, but i had to do it. after a year I am confident as ever. I still get a little nervous, but not nearly as i did when i first started. The nervousness i get doesn't bother me a bit and it doesnt affect how i talk to the people on the phone. I believe when you practice something it may suck at first and you will make mistakes, but over time your mind will pick up on what works and you will learn new ways of doing a certain thing. As in my example of when i had to call people, I started to realize that my fear was not even true. These people i talked to didnt know me and never would no me so there would be no point to be shy or scared. One other suggestion is to laugh at what stupid thing you said or try to make a joke out of it. I say stupid things all the time and usually i said it in a way that made people laugh. A lot of times you may think it is stupid, but in fact it is just your negative thoughts making you think that. I am trying to adopt the attitude of "It is not my business to know what that person thinks of me". It really doesnt matter. As long as your a pretty cool person people will like you. Although not everyone will. well i hope this answers the question above and also helps others as well.

Your comments makes a lot of sense to me. I believe confidence comes from a sense of security, identity, belonging, purpose, and personal competence. People with social anxiety lack something from these 5 areas.

The main point you made is to "keep talking to people no matter what." I believe this will improve personal competence and finding self identity.

I know this is easier said then done, but unfortunately you are gonna have to face your fear sometime.

First thing we do facing social fear is to run away. The way I see it , drug addicts is hooked on "escapism" of facing reality. With social anxiety people they enjoy "escapism" but doesnt have the courage to face reality. Drug addict can become drug free, we can also become social fearless.

[saphron]

Sometimes I'm afraid of saying of saying something stupid when I'm around people that are really important to me. Then I'll say something stupid because I'll get choked up on talking.

I try to go with my gut feeling most of the time. If you feel like something should be said than go along with it, even if a few people think its stupid. The people who thinks its stupid are probably stupid themselves.

[missthang]

I'll go over what i'm going to say in my head, then when When I know exactly what I'm going to say they move on to another topic.

[traveler]

that has happened to me to

[shygurl6069]

wat r sum stupid thing u guyz say neway??? I said alot of things I shouldn't had said. Alot of the popular kids of my skool misinterpret my words ( I wonder if this is purposely) I some times dun feel like correctin them. Like one time, 1 girl turned around 2 talk 2 me and I said, " So who u hang w/ in skool." She thought I said, " I have no friend sex do u?" In the end I feel stupid, like it was really MY fault. It took me a while 2 realize it wasn't. But, I can't blame the girl if she's deaf. LOL
Neway whenever I feel like I wannna say sumthin I say it. I always c my conversations as interestin never as stupid. Although this yr i said of stupid things in the end I jus laugh at sum of the things i say. It's not like it's the end of the world, even the most popular kid in skool say the most stupidest things like, " If ur not nice ur rice." IF he can get away w/ that then so can I! ( It's not like I am going to say sumthin dat retarded It's jus an example.) So u hav sumthin 2 say, then say it u dun kno if it is a very strikin conversation that would interest ur classmates/ co-workers.