Post by Derrick on Dec 11, 2004 19:09:51 GMT -5
While I was reading through his book the first time I made it a point to type out the essentials to a word document. I thought I would post a summary here in the chance you might find the information helpful. This is not a complete pasting, it contains the beginning, and most useful information, I haven't read any farther yet.
David Carnegie essentials on human interaction
1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain. People work and act much better when complemented then under a state of criticism.
2. Give honest, sincere appreciation. People like to be appreciated, and like to feel important. Friendly complements go a long way towards friendships and success. Criticism and hatred accomplishes NOTHING.
3. Arouse an Eager want, that is to say, think about what the other person wants, not what you want, and focus on their wants when wording conversation. Focus on what will benefit them. See things from their point of view.
SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
1. Become genuinely interested in other people. You can make more friends on two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Remember, people are only interested in themselves, so somebody who comes across and genuinely interested in others is going to be seen in a positive light by others.
2. Smile. Actions speak louder then words and a smile says “I like you, you make me happy, I am glad to see you.” Make and keep eye contact during a conversation, more often then is typical. Body language and tone of voice are more important in many cases then the words themselves.
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. People are more interested in their name then all other names on earth put together. Remember that name and you have paid them a subtle complement.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage people to talk about themselves. “His eyes were mild and genial. His voice was low and kind.. You’ve no idea what it meant to be listened to like that.” People like to be appreciated, they like to feel important. Lots of people talk, but how many truly listen? To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions others will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. Repeat words and phrases from them when replying to them, it shows interest in what they have to say.
5. Talk in terms of other people’s interests. “The loyal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she is treasures most.” This works in all occasions, whether it be business, personal, or the like. Finding out interests of other people and then bringing them up during discussion, or discussing in terms of what benefits the person you are talking too, will tend to be more successful.
6. Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely. Do it without even wanting something in return. If we are so selfish that we can’t radiate a little happiness and appreciation without trying to get something in return, we shall meet with the failure we deserve. Go up to a person, look at them, and ask yourself what you can admire about that person, then bring it up to them, and put a smile on their face. Make people feel needed, worthwhile.. this can’t be emphasized enough. Little complements like “please” and “thank you” go a long way as well. Honest appreciation of achievements, hobbies, and anything else about a person. Talk to people about themselves.
HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. You can’t win an argument because if you lose it, you lose it, and if you win it, you lose it, by making the other person feel inferior, hurt their pride, and they’ll resent you for it. “If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes, but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.” “You may be right, dead right, as you speed along in your argument, but as far as changing another’s mind is concerned, you will probably be just as futile as if you were wrong.” “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love, and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by a tact, diplomacy, conciliation, and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.” “By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more then expected.”
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “you’re wrong”. You will never get into trouble by admitting you may be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as far and open minded as you are. It will make him want to admit, too, that he may be wrong. It is difficult under even the most benign circumstances to try to change people’s minds, so why make it harder? If you hear a statement you think, or even know, is wrong, why not begin by staying “Well, I thought otherwise, but I could be wrong. Why don’t we look at the facts?” When we are wrong, we might admit it to ourselves, and even to others when handled gently and tactfully, but not when someone is trying to cram that fact down our throats. Make it a point to get the other person’s opinion and not tell them what they are saying is wrong. Ask them their opinion even if you know what the problem is, to put tension at ease. Diplomacy.
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say, and say them before the other person has a chance to say them. Chances are a generous, forgiving attitude will be taken and your mistakes will be minimized. (Example: admitting to a police officer you are wrong when speeding right from the start) If we know we will be rebuked anyhow, isn’t it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves? You’re damn right.
4. Begin in a friendly way. If a man’s heart of filled with hatred and ill feeling toward you, all the logic in the world won’t win him over to your way of thinking. Being diplomatic can prove to be much more successful then arguing, even if you are in the right. Example: Say you want a reduction in rent on an apartment. Instead of going to the tenant demanding a reduction or complaining, begin with a complement. Tell him he’s doing a great job on how he ran the building, and how nice everything is. Then tell him you’d like to stay, but can’t afford it. He might be much more receptive after all these complements. Showing anger serves no worthwhile purpose. This can be done without being dishonest, of course. Be genuine. Gentleness and friendliness always work better then fury and force. A drop of honey catches more flies then a gallon of gall.
5. Get the other person saying “yes yes” immediately. Don’t begin discussing the things in which you differ. Begin by emphasizing, and keep on emphasizing, the things on which you agree. The skillful speaker gets, at the outset, a number of “yes” responses. This sets the psychological process of the listeners moving in the affirmative direction. It’s like the movement of a billiard ball. Propel in one direction, and it takes some force to deflect it, far more force then to send it back in the opposite direction. The psychological patterns here are quite clear. When a person says “no” and really means it, he or she is doing far more then saying a word or two letters. The entire organism, glandular, nervous, muscular-gathers itself together into a condition of rejection. There is, usually, a withdraw or readiness to withdraw. The whole neuromuscular system, in short, sets itself on guard against acceptance. When, to the contrary, a person says “yes,” non of the withdraw activities take place. The organism is in a forward moving, accepting, open attitude. Hense the more yeses we can, at the very outset, induce, the more likely we are to succeed in capturing their attention for our ultimate proposal. It’s a very simple technique, but my how it’s neglected! It often seems like people get a sense of their own importance by antagonizing others from the outset. It doesn’t pay to argue. See things from their perspective.
David Carnegie essentials on human interaction
1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain. People work and act much better when complemented then under a state of criticism.
2. Give honest, sincere appreciation. People like to be appreciated, and like to feel important. Friendly complements go a long way towards friendships and success. Criticism and hatred accomplishes NOTHING.
3. Arouse an Eager want, that is to say, think about what the other person wants, not what you want, and focus on their wants when wording conversation. Focus on what will benefit them. See things from their point of view.
SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
1. Become genuinely interested in other people. You can make more friends on two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Remember, people are only interested in themselves, so somebody who comes across and genuinely interested in others is going to be seen in a positive light by others.
2. Smile. Actions speak louder then words and a smile says “I like you, you make me happy, I am glad to see you.” Make and keep eye contact during a conversation, more often then is typical. Body language and tone of voice are more important in many cases then the words themselves.
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. People are more interested in their name then all other names on earth put together. Remember that name and you have paid them a subtle complement.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage people to talk about themselves. “His eyes were mild and genial. His voice was low and kind.. You’ve no idea what it meant to be listened to like that.” People like to be appreciated, they like to feel important. Lots of people talk, but how many truly listen? To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions others will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. Repeat words and phrases from them when replying to them, it shows interest in what they have to say.
5. Talk in terms of other people’s interests. “The loyal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she is treasures most.” This works in all occasions, whether it be business, personal, or the like. Finding out interests of other people and then bringing them up during discussion, or discussing in terms of what benefits the person you are talking too, will tend to be more successful.
6. Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely. Do it without even wanting something in return. If we are so selfish that we can’t radiate a little happiness and appreciation without trying to get something in return, we shall meet with the failure we deserve. Go up to a person, look at them, and ask yourself what you can admire about that person, then bring it up to them, and put a smile on their face. Make people feel needed, worthwhile.. this can’t be emphasized enough. Little complements like “please” and “thank you” go a long way as well. Honest appreciation of achievements, hobbies, and anything else about a person. Talk to people about themselves.
HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. You can’t win an argument because if you lose it, you lose it, and if you win it, you lose it, by making the other person feel inferior, hurt their pride, and they’ll resent you for it. “If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes, but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.” “You may be right, dead right, as you speed along in your argument, but as far as changing another’s mind is concerned, you will probably be just as futile as if you were wrong.” “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love, and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by a tact, diplomacy, conciliation, and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.” “By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more then expected.”
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “you’re wrong”. You will never get into trouble by admitting you may be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as far and open minded as you are. It will make him want to admit, too, that he may be wrong. It is difficult under even the most benign circumstances to try to change people’s minds, so why make it harder? If you hear a statement you think, or even know, is wrong, why not begin by staying “Well, I thought otherwise, but I could be wrong. Why don’t we look at the facts?” When we are wrong, we might admit it to ourselves, and even to others when handled gently and tactfully, but not when someone is trying to cram that fact down our throats. Make it a point to get the other person’s opinion and not tell them what they are saying is wrong. Ask them their opinion even if you know what the problem is, to put tension at ease. Diplomacy.
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say, and say them before the other person has a chance to say them. Chances are a generous, forgiving attitude will be taken and your mistakes will be minimized. (Example: admitting to a police officer you are wrong when speeding right from the start) If we know we will be rebuked anyhow, isn’t it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves? You’re damn right.
4. Begin in a friendly way. If a man’s heart of filled with hatred and ill feeling toward you, all the logic in the world won’t win him over to your way of thinking. Being diplomatic can prove to be much more successful then arguing, even if you are in the right. Example: Say you want a reduction in rent on an apartment. Instead of going to the tenant demanding a reduction or complaining, begin with a complement. Tell him he’s doing a great job on how he ran the building, and how nice everything is. Then tell him you’d like to stay, but can’t afford it. He might be much more receptive after all these complements. Showing anger serves no worthwhile purpose. This can be done without being dishonest, of course. Be genuine. Gentleness and friendliness always work better then fury and force. A drop of honey catches more flies then a gallon of gall.
5. Get the other person saying “yes yes” immediately. Don’t begin discussing the things in which you differ. Begin by emphasizing, and keep on emphasizing, the things on which you agree. The skillful speaker gets, at the outset, a number of “yes” responses. This sets the psychological process of the listeners moving in the affirmative direction. It’s like the movement of a billiard ball. Propel in one direction, and it takes some force to deflect it, far more force then to send it back in the opposite direction. The psychological patterns here are quite clear. When a person says “no” and really means it, he or she is doing far more then saying a word or two letters. The entire organism, glandular, nervous, muscular-gathers itself together into a condition of rejection. There is, usually, a withdraw or readiness to withdraw. The whole neuromuscular system, in short, sets itself on guard against acceptance. When, to the contrary, a person says “yes,” non of the withdraw activities take place. The organism is in a forward moving, accepting, open attitude. Hense the more yeses we can, at the very outset, induce, the more likely we are to succeed in capturing their attention for our ultimate proposal. It’s a very simple technique, but my how it’s neglected! It often seems like people get a sense of their own importance by antagonizing others from the outset. It doesn’t pay to argue. See things from their perspective.
