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Post by SilentSpecter on Feb 28, 2005 22:24:01 GMT -5
When you're in a situation where you catch yourself slipping and doing something that is going to have negative results for you in the long run, even though right now it my ease your anxiety, maybe you should point it out to yourself and have a pre-defined rule that when some action is not in congruence with your ultimate motive that you'll automatically do the "right" thing, no matter how you feel. Pretty soon, after getting positive results by trusting this you'll get over being controlled by your emotions. Does this look like it'll work, i'm so lazy to try so anyones opinions to make this better would help, i think it makes sense.
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Post by lsdima4 on Feb 28, 2005 22:57:01 GMT -5
Why is this called obedience training? Sounds like S&M. It will definitely work though.
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Post by shebop on Feb 28, 2005 23:00:20 GMT -5
When you're in a situation where you catch yourself slipping and doing something that is going to have negative results for you in the long run, even though right now it my ease your anxiety, maybe you should point it out to yourself and have a pre-defined rule that when some action is not in congruence with your ultimate motive that you'll automatically do the "right" thing, no matter how you feel. Pretty soon, after getting positive results by trusting this you'll get over being controlled by your emotions. Does this look like it'll work, i'm so lazy to try so anyones opinions to make this better would help, i think it makes sense. did you have a specific type of situation in mind when you wrote this? i can see it working for some specific behaviors, like if you catch yourself avoiding eye contact, and you know you could force yourself, you could override the temporary reduction of anxiety avoiding eye contact gives you and make yourself give the eye contact because you know that in the long run doing so is in your best interest. is that the sort of thing you mean?
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Post by SilentSpecter on Mar 1, 2005 0:49:09 GMT -5
Yes, that, but I think it can be applied to a broad range of behaviors, not just social interaction. It's just about having "faith" in your ability to make the right decisions, so you can override the rush of emotions that make you doubt everything you know is real.
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Post by shebop on Mar 1, 2005 0:53:00 GMT -5
Yes, that, but I think it can be applied to a broad range of behaviors, not just social interaction. It's just about having "faith" in your ability to make the right decisions, so you can override the rush of emotions that make you doubt everything you know is real. that makes sense. it removes the decision making process from a time when you are under emotional stress to a time when you can think more rationally and calmly.
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Post by zaab on Mar 1, 2005 1:33:34 GMT -5
Yes, that, but I think it can be applied to a broad range of behaviors, not just social interaction. It's just about having "faith" in your ability to make the right decisions, so you can override the rush of emotions that make you doubt everything you know is real. Yes I think I've practiced and continue to practice something similar when I feel avoidance coming on. Instead of attending to the strong emotions tied to avoiding something uncomfortable but potentially worthwhile, I don't go in with pure reasoning but try to attach a whole different emotion to it. For example, if approaching a girl I like, I psych myself up by remembering all the times I had fun with girls and had succesful interactions with them. I think you have to consciously assign positive emotions to something that may have had negative conotations in the past. The emotional part of the brain is a tough nut to crack, but I think you have to create enough positive experiences to override the negative ones. I think with enough persistence and positivity you can eventually transform what emotions you tie to a certain activity.
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Post by Medici on Mar 1, 2005 5:50:32 GMT -5
I have begun doing this obedience training all the time. Now I'm to the point where when I know I have something to say I force myself to let it come out without waiting. Sure I still do some editing to maintain civility, and for my own safety.
I think its working. Little by little I'm becoming more outgoing around strangers and learning to be better at small talk. This is how you get your "foot in the door" with new people.
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Post by SilentSpecter on Mar 1, 2005 22:59:27 GMT -5
... you could override the temporary reduction of anxiety avoiding eye contact gives you and make yourself give the eye contact because you know that in the long run doing so is in your best interest. Though I have absolutely no friends and have no social skills i'm actually pretty good at eye contact. Once i started trying to make eye contact it actually wasn't hard because I find it calms me, if i'm not looking someone straight in the eyes I feel like they're judging how I look when I talk, however if I look into their eyes I know they're just paying attention to what i'm saying. Or atleast it seems that way. You also get a sense of power, if you look someone straight in the eyes, not in a crazy way though, their response is to look back at you, and no matter how attractive or whatever that other person is, that all becomes irrelevant to the situation because all you can think about them is their pupils and words.
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Post by shebop on Mar 1, 2005 23:17:08 GMT -5
Though I have absolutely no friends and have no social skills i'm actually pretty good at eye contact. Once i started trying to make eye contact it actually wasn't hard because I find it calms me, if i'm not looking someone straight in the eyes I feel like they're judging how I look when I talk, however if I look into their eyes I know they're just paying attention to what i'm saying. Or atleast it seems that way. You also get a sense of power, if you look someone straight in the eyes, not in a crazy way though, their response is to look back at you, and no matter how attractive or whatever that other person is, that all becomes irrelevant to the situation because all you can think about them is their pupils and words. that's cool. i hear what you're saying. kind of keeps them focused huh? i was just actually using eye contact as an example of a behavior i thought would be good to try your technique with. but like you said, there's many others.
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