how I overcame my shyness

[marksz]

Hi,

I overcame my shyness mainly by raising my self-worth through making a big effort in the parts of my life where i am not that good at but that were very rewarding for me. I tryed overcoming my fear of other people. like all shy men, but I discovered that the key is raising your self worth and not so much overcoming fear.
When you do that, girls start to like you, because they like men who are prepared to achieve something by making a big effort. I am still rather fearful, I like my life and have lots of nice (women) friends.

If you want to know the details of this new idea follow this link:

www.geocities.com/marksz98/shyness2.htm

sincerely,

Mark

[HybridMoment]

I don't think I have as high of motivation as some people on here to overcome their shyness.

Though I would like to be able to function better socially in job interviews and other places that I really need to not be shy. But otherwise I've become used to being shy/introverted and I could hardly imagine myself any other way.

[sporadic]

You're right that a sense of self worth is most important. People who aren't shy and who don't understand will often tell you not to be so shy and to speak more and be more loud and spontaneous, to try to get you to overcome it. But trying to turn an introvert into an extrovert won't work. I think a combination of internal and external factors recently made me suddenly gain that sense of self worth, and that has allowed me to do things that I was previously afraid of, knowing that even if I wasn't successful I would still value myself. I am nowhere near as shy as I used to be, I don't feel afraid of so many things, but I am still very much an introvert and I accept that as my basic nature. Although I'm no longer scared I still find it hard to make conversation with people I don't know, and also to find close friends. I think it's easy to confuse things when you talk about shyness and introversion at the same time. Being an introvert I like to spend time alone, if I've been surrounded by people too long I need to withdraw or I feel uncomfortable, but this isn't caused by shyness. I accept that you don't want to change the way you are, but surely you want to live without the fear that is caused by shyness?

[Paulinus]

I dont want to completely overcome my shyness, as I belive there are some good personality traits that go with it that I wouldnt want to lose. I want to overcome it enough however to be able to do things like getting a girlfriend, and to just be less anxious in social situations in general.

I think self worth is a very important issue for me. I do tend look down on myself and think I'm stupid and ugly and that nobody will like me, my theripst has already identified this issue after one session. I do think feelng better in myself would help me greatly in talking to people.

Cant say I agree with everything in the article but I'd certainly like to know where I can find these "Angel" girls that it mentions.

[pnoopiepnats]

sorry but I just couldn't get too far in your essay. no one person is going to change your self esteem. you are saying find yourself a sweet beautiful girl and everything will be fine. lol I suppose the girl in the picture is your gf. ;D i suppoe less attractive but nice girls have no redeeming value on this planet. lol
I'm going to stop now before I say something really bad.

[Paulinus]

pnoopiepnats said:

sorry but I just couldn't get too far in your essay. no one person is going to change your self esteem. you are saying find yourself a sweet beautiful girl and everything will be fine.

I dont think it was saying that. I got the impression that the article was saying that you first have to increase your self esteem yourself, not that you need to find a sweet girl to increase it.

[Samantha]

I'm sorry that had very little to do with me. Espescially the women stuff....I know you are trying to help and that's really cool. I genuinely hope that it will help alot of people but for me you have made a hell of alot of assumptions about shy people which I feel are wrong. At least for me anyway. Although maybe I'm not just shy.

I do strongly agree with raising your self worth though. It's not a cure all but it will help enormously. Plus it's something everyone should have anyway.

[Paulinus]

Yes there are a lot as assumptions in that article, I doubt for example that every shy man likes the same kind of woman, although I probably wouldnt say no to a relationships with the type of women he describes(If they exist).
I'm sure if we asked every guy here what they like in a woman we would get loads of different responces. It is wrong to think that just because your shy and think in a certain way, that every other shy person will think the same