Accepting help from more social people

[silentsunset]

I went to a facilitated singles event, presented by the Human Awareness Institute.

During the break, a time most people were using to mingle and smooze, I was walking around and around, longing to go up and talk to people, but unable to get past the terror.

One of the assistants, who knew me, asked if I would like him to walk around with me and introduce me to people. I've been asked this before and in the past I have turned down the offer because I felt silly and ashamed, as in, "I should be able meet people on my own, everybody else can!"

Well, this time I said. "Yes!" I walked us over to a man that I really wanted to have a conversation with. My assistant introduced us, "This is Silentsunset, I've know her for a long time and she is really wonderful!" It was great! My assistant stayed with me until the conversation got going. I'm pretty much okay once the ice is broken.

I highly recommend accepting help from more socially adept people. Give them a chance to feel like heroes for being so helpful in saving you from distress. Social Phobia does feel like standing at the edge of a cliff with the person you are attracted to standing on the other side of the abyss.

If I had an injured leg I would ask for help.

[pnoopiepnats]

That is great that you went and accepted help and were able to talk to some people!

I can imagine a singles event or other types of parties would be intimidating. It is nice they have the assistants to help with the ice breaking.

I find it hard to ask for help from others sometimes.

There have been a few times where I have been the helper. People who are on the job the first day, I have given them facility tours, helped them get to know their work area, and helped them get what they need. I am certainly not outgoing!

[silentsunset]

Intimidating! Yeah. I've heard that parties are supposed to be fun. Have you heard that?
I think that they are a lot of work.

[wagnerr]

silentsunset said:

Intimidating! Yeah. I've heard that parties are supposed to be fun. Have you heard that?
I think that they are a lot of work.

A lot of parties i've been too have been intimidating for me, too. I'd probably need someone else to introduce me to others as well. I could never walk up to people and just start talking to them. Waaayy to difficult for me.

[GreenFerret]

Parties soooound like fun... but yeah, as a shy person they're so much work for me that my mouth clamps shut and I get too uptight to do anything. No fun there, lol. I think I would do what you've said you've done in the past, Silent, and decline help because I'd feel silly. Which is silly in itself. It's good to read about an instance in which letting more social people take the reigns led to something good. Inspiration for the less daring among us.

After Max Power's other thread and with the way the title of this one gets cut off on the main page, I keep expecting this to be about "Accepting Help from Monkeys..." ;D

[lancelot]

I have 2 personalities at parties. The main one very shy stand to the side, don't get involved, don't drink, leave early. The other one-DRINK(I hate saying this), but my inhibitions totally disappear when I'm buzzed. I socialize, get involved, almost embarassingly become the center of attention(I guess I want it from never having it), and that's when things have happened for me when I'm loose and not overthinking and worrying about things. It's a pity that to be closer to my social self that I fear being when sober-I HAVE TO DRINK. It would be nice if I could have some great social moments while being totally sober. But I'll take what I can get. And no I've never drunk to the point where I couldn't remember anything or anyone could take advantage of me, more like a buzzed drunk.

[Samantha]

Yup I do. I've had to really.

[lily]

I would accept help from more social people if they were nice about it and had good intentions. Unfortunately, I've had more experience with the type of person who gets off on mocking me for my shyness or taking advantage of it to increase their own social standing. The situation you were in, silentsunset, seems pretty ideal because you were among people who had a goal of helping. In real life though, people seem to be more into tearing people down than helping them out. For example, I remember a time when it was considered to be bad manners not to introduce people, now it seems to be rare. So often people feel perfectly comfortable holding court among acquaintances without ever having the courtesy to introduce them to each other. And they think nothing of interrupting you when you begin speaking in turn so they can dominate the conversation. Everything's a competition. No one seems to really want to get to know anyone else. They just want to maintain their own social supremacy. It seems to be all about who gets to be top-dog-loud-mouth-show-off now.

[pnoopiepnats]

lily said:

I In real life though, people seem to be more into tearing people down than helping them out. For example, I remember a time when it was considered to be bad manners not to introduce people, now it seems to be rare. So often people feel perfectly comfortable holding court among acquaintances without ever having the courtesy to introduce them to each other. And they think nothing of interrupting you when you begin speaking in turn so they can dominate the conversation. Everything's a competition. No one seems to really want to get to know anyone else. They just want to maintain their own social supremacy. It seems to be all about who gets to be top-dog-loud-mouth-show-off now.

it does seem that way at times. I seldom ask anyone for help cause I can't count on too many people.

maybe most people are just wrapped up in themselves and trying to get ahead for themselves. I think some belive that whatever they want is in short supply so if you get it they may not which in reality is silly as what someone else has, has no bearing on what you can get.

At work, I'll help anyone and have found most people to be helpful towards me. I don't expect a lot from others I suppose and that way I'm not too disappointed.

As for the loud mouths, they get nothing from me. I can't tolerate them for more than a minute and would either tune them out or excuse myself.