THE self-help thread ...

[sj]

In this thread you answer the following questions and report back about your findings. if you have anything to add, please do!


What have you been avoiding?
eg. Calling someone, making an appointment, etc


What are you planning to do?
Pick something you need to do in the next week.


What was the outcome?
We all know you didnt die from doing the above act ... so come on, let us hear about it. It's gotta be good.

[feyish]

I posted on another thread that I avoided people I knew when I saw them in public. The next time I saw someone I knew at the library, I went and said hi. I didn't talk to the person very much, but I felt good about it.

Now I am working on calling people (mostly may various cousins). Once I got two wrong numbers in one day. I usually don't leave messages on the answering machine, because I don't know what to say ("oh, I was just calling because I have no friends and wanted to talk to someone who pitys me enough to listen to my stupid ramblings") and also, no one ever calls me back even if i do leave a message. ever.

How many times do I have to try before I am allowed to give up?

[feyish]

you first

[GreenFerret]

feyish said:

you first

lol, really. ;D I like your idea Fred, but I'm chicken. If we were having a shyness convention or something and we all went on a "concersation scavenger hunt" or something... I think I might try it. Until then... you may have to be your own guinea pig.

[Knox]

nice idea,,, i might have to try that.....not....lol

[griffins]

yea good thread...we have this irrational fear in certain social interactions but they are as I said IRRATIONAL with no logical basis.

What have you been avoiding?
going up to girls at a lounge


What are you planning to do?
do just what i've been avoiding


What was the outcome?
She was standing by herself. I talked to her for about a minute...she wasn't that interested and not that receptive but she answered my questions and wasn't mean at all.

[feyish]

l have been trying to identify situations in which i have several choices. I know that i always make the choice that isolates me, the shy choice. so i have been working on thinking quick, and when i see an opportunity where i usually act shy, i make the opposite choice. example:

i was having a cup of coffee at the college cafeteria and an older man came in the door. he kinda waved at me, and came and sat at my table. he looked at me and said that he had thought that i was someone else. i had been reading, and he asked me what i was studying, instead of replying in just one or two words, i explained a little bit about the class i'm taking.

[hubert3]

HELLO EVERYBODY, CAN YOU HELP ME TO GET OUT OF SHYNESS? I AM ALWAYS TREMBLING WHILE TALKING IN PUBLIC SO THAT I NEVER SAY WHAT I INTENDED TO. PLEASE HELP ME!
HUBERT
address: [e-mail]

[respectful]

Hi hubert, I've just joined here, and would like to add one observation that's maybe slightly different.

I've come to appreciate my shyness, and yes my trembling in that I have been able to help others by identifying with them - not by preaching to them but by just accepting them as they are, and always being the same to them, it's helped a number of people I know. (Yes, it still hurts - the shyness etc, but at least one feels somewhat more useful)

If you can feel good - in some way - about your present position any challenge you subsequently take on goes better, and then you don't have to fight two battles - just my two cents worth.

[respectful]

sj For many years I've thought a lot about these sorts of questions, and I have come to answer them in a different way than what I used to.

So if I may:
What have you been avoiding?
I have avoided for many years not congratulating myself for the things I've avoided - (there are some things I just can't do or there is too much emotional baggage tied to them - so I refuse to do them)

What are you planning to do?
Plan less, and just do what I am interested in at the moment.

What was the outcome?
I've found my level , and I am happy with that.
(I can grow from there)
I enjoy things more...



So I think.....if I can't do or say or act according to what is expected by others then I don't give a uno-what.



.

[sj]

Lately I've been thinking about ringing my last employer and asking for my old job back. I left on good terms - so they would be happy to take me back. The job is "only" retail though, so there aren't too many prospects but its better than nothing.

Time will tell. I got two interviews this week and another application sent off today.