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Post by feyish on Jan 16, 2006 22:52:59 GMT -5
Once (and only once), I tried to read a book about shyness. The only thing that impressed me was what the author said about 'comfort zones', I'm not sure if that is exactly the phrase the author used, but I have since heard the phrase several times, and the author was writing about the same idea. anyways, it all boils down to where(or with whome) a person feels safe/comfortable/reasonably relaxed.
I've watched people (I tend to do that a lot), and it seems like people who tend to be extroverted are always in their "comfort zone", their comfort zones are not nearly as limited as mine. Then, I notice that after going to my college for a few months, it became a little bit of a comfort zone (although not as comfortable as my room!). so I got to thinking, "how can I expand my comfort zones to include being social?"
so far, i've thought of two things: - keep posting on SU (in a funny kind of way, it does help me want to talk to people!)
- tag along with people i know who already have social lives ("since i don't have friends of my own, can i meet yours?").
has anyone read anything about what i'm talking about here? info? suggestions?
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Post by shypsychologyguy on Jan 17, 2006 23:24:58 GMT -5
I see what you are saying.
My therapist said I needed to disarm people by meeting them and seeing that they arent all bullies or not so nice people. She also said I need to explore and make places my own.
at my college I have made the library and he psychology builds my own place where I feel free.
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Post by pansy on Jan 18, 2006 14:24:33 GMT -5
i can see the value of developing comfort zones, places you are familiar with and feel comfortable being in. but i think it's easy for comfort zones to become ruts for shy people too. you can become so dependent on that feeling of comfort that you get in your comfort zone that it's difficult to get out of there, or for anyone else to get you out of there. so i think it's important to make an ongoing effort to gradually expand your comfort zones.
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Post by feyish on Jan 19, 2006 13:13:28 GMT -5
i can see the value of developing comfort zones, places you are familiar with and feel comfortable being in. but i think it's easy for comfort zones to become ruts for shy people too. you can become so dependent on that feeling of comfort that you get in your comfort zone that it's difficult to get out of there, or for anyone else to get you out of there. so i think it's important to make an ongoing effort to gradually expand your comfort zones. you're right. my mom constantly tells me to go visit people i know and get out of the house once in a while. but getting me out of the house can be like getting an oyester out if its shell! i like being at home, even if i'm just sitting around talking to my parents and brother or taking care of my pets. i think one of these days i'll just ride the city bus for a couple of hours, just to see more of the city where i go to school. i bought a second-hand book the other day because it had a chapter on achieving a social network. one thing it said was to increase contact with people i already know (duh) but what really made me stop and think was this(quote from book): "If you have a truely limited social network, you may rationalize "I wouldn't enjoy calling him-or her." At the beginning stages of the Assertiveness Training program, you don't take enjoyment into consideration. You do what must be done to increase your number of friends" that paragraph hit on my main excuse and it really made me think. after all, i don't enjoy being isolated, and i am sure i wouldn't like to call/visit people i know, so what's the difference? neither choice sounds appealing to me, so i might as well take the advice, get off the computer, and call someone! ;D yay!
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Post by pansy on Jan 19, 2006 13:40:28 GMT -5
i can see the value of developing comfort zones, places you are familiar with and feel comfortable being in. but i think it's easy for comfort zones to become ruts for shy people too. you can become so dependent on that feeling of comfort that you get in your comfort zone that it's difficult to get out of there, or for anyone else to get you out of there. so i think it's important to make an ongoing effort to gradually expand your comfort zones. you're right. my mom constantly tells me to go visit people i know and get out of the house once in a while. but getting me out of the house can be like getting an oyester out if its shell! i like being at home, even if i'm just sitting around talking to my parents and brother or taking care of my pets. i think one of these days i'll just ride the city bus for a couple of hours, just to see more of the city where i go to school. i bought a second-hand book the other day because it had a chapter on achieving a social network. one thing it said was to increase contact with people i already know (duh) but what really made me stop and think was this(quote from book): "If you have a truely limited social network, you may rationalize "I wouldn't enjoy calling him-or her." At the beginning stages of the Assertiveness Training program, you don't take enjoyment into consideration. You do what must be done to increase your number of friends" that paragraph hit on my main excuse and it really made me think. after all, i don't enjoy being isolated, and i am sure i wouldn't like to call/visit people i know, so what's the difference? neither choice sounds appealing to me, so i might as well take the advice, get off the computer, and call someone! ;D yay! yup...that's where i am right now...finally realizing i don't enjoy being isolated any more than i enjoy socializing...actually, far less probably... i need some alone time, i like having a private place to retreat to and recharge where i feel comfortable...but do i want to be alone for the rest of my life? hell no! so i'm at the least going to accept invitations from now on instead of being a kneejerk avoidant...even if i have to force myself. ;D
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Post by shytothebone on Jan 19, 2006 15:00:22 GMT -5
I dont believe that it should be the idea to expand a comfort zone although I never tried it so what do I know, but to get out of one comfort zone and into another. You might be in a comfort zone right now but some of the things your doing in that comfort zone might contradict trying to move into a social atmosphere. So you migth want to try work on a secondary comfort zone.
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Post by zerocharisma! on Jan 19, 2006 19:21:39 GMT -5
i can see the value of developing comfort zones, places you are familiar with and feel comfortable being in. but i think it's easy for comfort zones to become ruts for shy people too. you can become so dependent on that feeling of comfort that you get in your comfort zone that it's difficult to get out of there, or for anyone else to get you out of there. so i think it's important to make an ongoing effort to gradually expand your comfort zones. That's exactly what I needed to hear! Thanks, Pansy! ;D I just realized: I'm always hanging out in one of my many comfort zones and rarely ever working to expand them. What if I gradually expanded my comfort zones until, one day, my comfort zone was...everywhere? Hmm...
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Post by pansy on Jan 19, 2006 23:08:05 GMT -5
i can see the value of developing comfort zones, places you are familiar with and feel comfortable being in. but i think it's easy for comfort zones to become ruts for shy people too. you can become so dependent on that feeling of comfort that you get in your comfort zone that it's difficult to get out of there, or for anyone else to get you out of there. so i think it's important to make an ongoing effort to gradually expand your comfort zones. That's exactly what I needed to hear! Thanks, Pansy! ;D I just realized: I'm always hanging out in one of my many comfort zones and rarely ever working to expand them. What if I gradually expanded my comfort zones until, one day, my comfort zone was...everywhere? Hmm... exactly!
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Post by shypsychologyguy on Jan 20, 2006 12:12:21 GMT -5
shy to the bone
you expand comfort zones by going to uncomfortable places.
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Post by mistercookie on Mar 7, 2006 9:07:47 GMT -5
I found this article in the newspaper some 6 years ago. It talks about how people can improve by stepping out of comfort zones to do something better and more challenging. I kept the article for the highlighted quote: "High achievers consciously stretch their comfort zones." The other idea from the article is the more you do something to tackle your fears, the more easy it becomes to face your fears. mistercookie.multiply.com/photos/hi-res/6/1?xurl=%2Fphotos%2Fphoto%2F6%2F1
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