Post by ShySoul on Aug 26, 2008 16:37:31 GMT -5
Haven't posted for a while, but today has been a said day in my life one I feel I have put down in words, as it seems hard to let it out any other way. Like the rest of you I find it hard making friends and meeting people, shyness is just as hard at the age of 33, to add to that I'm in a kind of loneliness depression cycle, which I have been seeing a therapist for the last few years.
Today I said goodbye to close friend of 38 to that darkest of all disease “depression”. I have known him for the last 5 years all though in some ways it feels like a life time. He was really nice bloke who had so many people who loved him "the pack crematorium is testament to that", but he was never happy in this life, the only light for him was to end his own life “life can be so cruel!”
I sat there today hardly known how to feel was it the time and place for me to grieve, am I invading the family's, Fiancée and long time friends chance to mourn, I some how felt That I had to keep it in. “Got to put on a brave face on it” not your time to weep a voice kept telling me. Some how trying to stop the water of my soul from flowing, is one of hardest things I've every done.
I only wish we had realised how bad things had got. Yeah, Yeah I know it’s the old if buts’ and maybes. But It’s hard not feel like maybe you could have helped, coming from some who has felt like him to a much lesser degree, asking for help or admitting you need it is the hardest thing.
Not really a poem more list of feelings and memories
To the passion we shared for our beloved "spurs" .
To the England watched in Germany 06.
The night’s playing snooker down at the hall
His love of music and song writing too.
The jam session that never seemed to happened
To all the things I never had a chance to say or do.
Ill always have thoughts to remind me of you.
At least his happy now one work colleague commented. And maybe that's one way to look at it but for me this works best
"Friends are forever, you might lose them but you'll never forget them"
Walnut! May you rest in peace.......
Today I said goodbye to close friend of 38 to that darkest of all disease “depression”. I have known him for the last 5 years all though in some ways it feels like a life time. He was really nice bloke who had so many people who loved him "the pack crematorium is testament to that", but he was never happy in this life, the only light for him was to end his own life “life can be so cruel!”
I sat there today hardly known how to feel was it the time and place for me to grieve, am I invading the family's, Fiancée and long time friends chance to mourn, I some how felt That I had to keep it in. “Got to put on a brave face on it” not your time to weep a voice kept telling me. Some how trying to stop the water of my soul from flowing, is one of hardest things I've every done.
I only wish we had realised how bad things had got. Yeah, Yeah I know it’s the old if buts’ and maybes. But It’s hard not feel like maybe you could have helped, coming from some who has felt like him to a much lesser degree, asking for help or admitting you need it is the hardest thing.
Not really a poem more list of feelings and memories
To the passion we shared for our beloved "spurs" .
To the England watched in Germany 06.
The night’s playing snooker down at the hall
His love of music and song writing too.
The jam session that never seemed to happened
To all the things I never had a chance to say or do.
Ill always have thoughts to remind me of you.
At least his happy now one work colleague commented. And maybe that's one way to look at it but for me this works best
"Friends are forever, you might lose them but you'll never forget them"
Walnut! May you rest in peace.......