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Post by GoldenRose82 on Jun 24, 2009 0:58:49 GMT -5
I'm sick of it! Why do people discriminate against quiet people so much?
All throughout school, my teachers would always make a comment about me being so quiet. Not only do I not say much, but I also have a naturally soft voice. Most of the teachers acted like they appreciated my quietness in a way, since I’m sure it was a nice change from the loud, obnoxious kids. But still, it annoys me when people are always telling me, “You’re so quiet,”, when they never tell other people, “You’re so verbose.” At a recent family reunion, a cousin of mine asked me two or three different times, “Has anyone ever told you, you talk too much?” (Obviously said in a sarcastic manner.)
I think I’m a pretty nice person. I will go out of my way to help my friends if I can, and I will always stop and listen when they have a problem, even when I have other stuff I need to be doing instead. But yet it’s so hard for me to make new friends because of my quietness. People may try to talk to me once or twice, but once they find out I have hard time coming up with words, they give up on me completely and go make friends with someone who talks a lot instead. And if I say hi to them after that or try to sit next to them in class, they may say hi back but then they just completely ignore me, like just because I'm not the best conversation holder, they don't have time to waste on me.
Once in high school I was sitting at a table with a bunch of people who typically picked on me, and one of them had the nerve to accuse me of being stuck up since I never talked. How can people accuse me of being stuck up just because I don’t say much? I’ve been around shy people and snobs, and I think there is a huge difference in demeanor when someone is NOT trying to be rude and when someone IS trying to be rude. If someone talks to me or asks me a question, I respond. It may not be a long response, but it’s at least a polite one with no malice in my voice, and usually with a smile on my face. I had to deal with LOTS of stuck up people throughout school, and I don’t recall any of them even trying to be polite. Or the few that did pretend to be nice a few times just so they could make fun of me behind my back later, it was really obvious by their smirks and they way they said things that they were really stuck up... So anyway, I really don’t get how people can confuse shyness with snobbiness when I think it’s rather obvious who thinks they’re better than everyone and who doesn’t...
I did have a few people in high school who never really became friends, but they would still invite me to sit with them at lunch so I wouldn’t be the only person in the cafeteria sitting at a table alone. Still from time to time one of them would tell me that my quietness made them nervous.
It’s so frustrating. I wish I had great conversational skills, I really really do, but when people talk to me, my mind just goes blank. I try to think about something to talk about, I’ve even read books and websites on how to start and hold conversations, but yet none of that has helped. Even time spent with friends I’ve had for years is usually spent in silence, unless they do most of the talking. And I feel like when people try to talk to me and I don’t say much in response, they’re thinking that I must have some sort of mental problem just because I don’t talk as much as the average person.
I would love to have more friends. I hate only having one person that I can talk to, and when she’s not around, I’m completely alone. I’m sick of being lonely. I’ve spent most of my life alone. I was always the only one throughout school that never had a friend to talk to in any of my classes. When we would work in groups and got to choose who to work with, I was always the only person that the teacher would have to place in group after everyone else rushed to be in a group with their friends... I’m nearly 27 and I’ve only had one relationship in my life, and that lasted less than a year. I hate being alone, but it seems I will always be that way since I’m such a lousy conversationalist, and the majority of the population discriminates against people who just don’t have much to say.
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Post by strawberrysweetie on Jun 24, 2009 2:56:51 GMT -5
All throughout school, my teachers would always make a comment about me being so quiet. Not only do I not say much, but I also have a naturally soft voice. Most of the teachers acted like they appreciated my quietness in a way, since I’m sure it was a nice change from the loud, obnoxious kids. But still, it annoys me when people are always telling me, “You’re so quiet,”, when they never tell other people, “You’re so verbose.” At a recent family reunion, a cousin of mine asked me two or three different times, “Has anyone ever told you, you talk too much?” (Obviously said in a sarcastic manner.) That's exactly how it was for me growing up. Those sarcastic...."oh, you talk so much!" comments are quite possibly the most annoying/insulting. ... So anyway, I really don’t get how people can confuse shyness with snobbiness when I think it’s rather obvious who thinks they’re better than everyone and who doesn’t... You know, I used to feel the same exact way. But, very recently, I took a course and came across a person that ended up being more quiet than me. It made me realize the other side a bit. I think the thing with being quiet/extremely shy is just that it makes a person seem very standoffish. The behavior can just appear so...."I want to be alone; I'm not interested and don't want to be bothered." For example, this girl in my class would not usually look at people when they talked. I noticed she'd be writing or doodling as people would be talking and one should be listening. It made her seem disinterested. Sometimes, she'd be sitting off on her own....again, just not even appearing interested in what was going on whatsoever. (I've done this a lot in the past myself, but with this particular class I actually felt pretty comfortable.) I suppose when one feels so comfortable in a given situation, it can be difficult to fathom why another may be so uncomfortable or disinterested...as it makes them seem as though they don't trust you and don't like you. This class was set up to where we were forced to interact and share some personal things, though, so she actually confessed in the beginning to being "painfully shy." To some, though, this was not enough. One of the girls once commented..."I think she hates us." Until a later date when the girl finally started to appear genuinely interested in the group. Anyway...I guess my point with this is that it can be difficult/frustrating for both sides...the quiet/shy one and for the extrovert. Probably more difficult for the shy one, obviously, since we want to feel connected but have trouble doing so while the extroverts, even though they may feel they aren't liked, seem more able to go on and let things go. Sorry....not sure if I'm wording this too great. :S But I have started to realize how standoffish we can appear.  It’s so frustrating. I wish I had great conversational skills, I really really do, but when people talk to me, my mind just goes blank. I try to think about something to talk about, I’ve even read books and websites on how to start and hold conversations, but yet none of that has helped. Even time spent with friends I’ve had for years is usually spent in silence, unless they do most of the talking. And I feel like when people try to talk to me and I don’t say much in response, they’re thinking that I must have some sort of mental problem just because I don’t talk as much as the average person. I would love to have more friends. I hate only having one person that I can talk to, and when she’s not around, I’m completely alone. I’m sick of being lonely. I’ve spent most of my life alone. I was always the only one throughout school that never had a friend to talk to in any of my classes. When we would work in groups and got to choose who to work with, I was always the only person that the teacher would have to place in group after everyone else rushed to be in a group with their friends... I’m nearly 27 and I’ve only had one relationship in my life, and that lasted less than a year. I hate being alone, but it seems I will always be that way since I’m such a lousy conversationalist, and the majority of the population discriminates against people who just don’t have much to say. I relate to so much of what you've said. Particularly regarding the conversational issues. I've realized recently this is a major problem I have. It's really really hard. I'm just the natural observer/listener...never been good at telling stories. And when you don't do much to begin with (at this point I have virtually no real life friends), there's just not much to talk about. And of course, the loneliness gets to feeling unbearable sometimes, too. I don't know. I think the thing that got me by in the friendships that I have had in the past is just the ability to listen and ask questions. I've never liked talking about myself. The few friends I've had in the past did most all the talking. They always grow tired of me, though, because I never have anything interesting to say or add to their lives. Once they get out of whatever problem they are in and meet new/fun people to hang out with, I pretty much fade from their lives. And yep...quite frankly I'm sick of that. Sick of being the last resort when someone has absolutely nothing else going on. There has been more than one occasion when someone invited me to do something and later mentioned how they had asked someone else before asking me. Such a self-esteem killer.  Anyway, sorry I'm not really helping. I can relate very much, though, so you are definitely not alone in these feelings. |
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Post by GoldenRose82 on Jun 24, 2009 3:58:32 GMT -5
Anyway, sorry I'm not really helping. I can relate very much, though, so you are definitely not alone in these feelings. Sometimes it helps just to know I'm not the only person in the world that's going through this.  A lot of times it feels like I am. I've never met anyone who's quieter than me, or even anywhere near as quiet as I am. It seems like everyone I've ever met is more outgoing, even the shy people. After so many years of people commenting on me being so quiet like it's unusual, and making comments that I should talk more often, it's easy to feel like there's something "not normal" about me, especially since everyone else I've ever encountered seems to be so much better at holding a conversation than I have ever been. Another thing I've found frustrating is that on the rare occasion I do have something to say within a group, everyone else is talking so much and so fast, it's like there's never a breath between statements. And I was always taught that it's rude to interrupt, so I just keep my mouth shut, and by the time there is actually a moment of silence where I can speak without interrupting someone, the topic has changed three or four times and it's like, why bother saying something now? Everyone's probably forgotten about the past topic... And then, especially when I'm with family, when I really just don't feel like talking or have absolutely nothing to add to the convo, suddenly people stop and ask me to say something, or to finish a story that they started, and that bugs the heck out of me. Not only because they only seem to do that when I'm just not in the mood to talk, but also cause I'm a bad story teller, and after I finish telling a story people tend to just give me a blank stare like they don't get what I just told them or something. That's another big self-esteem killer. |
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jai
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Post by jai on Jun 24, 2009 5:32:49 GMT -5
Goldenrose I can relate 100% with you. Especially at work people ask me why I'm so quiet, it makes me so embarrassed. My mind goes blank and I can never find the right words to say back. But there are a few people who I can speak to because I know they don't judge me so I can speak my mind freely. It's just those people who I think keep judging me on what I say, how I look, the way I dress.
I know it's something I should really ignore but it's always at the back of my mind. Just find those people who have true goodness in their hearts.
Also strawberry I agree with you, I never did like talking about myself, but I've learnt that sometimes it does get some thing off your chest. A problem shared is a problem halved.
I had this one psychology teacher who seemed to be really interested in me for some reason. He knew I was the quietest in the class but for some reason was intrigued with me. He ALWAYS picked me for volunteering in. He would ask who would like to volunteer and say "how about you jai?" Before I could even say No he already asked me to get up. My heart raced EVERY time, my hands started sweating I couldn't look anyone in the eye.
I really am going off the point but just wanted to let you know, you're not alone...
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Post by zazen on Jun 24, 2009 21:17:21 GMT -5
I understand completely. I've always been a quiet person. Although I've literally trained myself to engage in small talk, I don't find it enjoyable and actually consider it mostly a waste of time. People have commented to me that I'm quiet and contemplative.
But as I've gotten a little older, I've realized that most people (non-shy) are afraid of silence. It is as if they feel that if they stop talking, in a way they no longer exist. What have all the greatest philosophies and religions in the world prescribed for spiritual healing? Silence. Meditation. Prayer. All very QUIET activities. It is so you feel comfortable within yourself without having to remind yourself, verbally, that you still exist.
Have you ever noticed people feel it's impolite to let pauses into conversations unless you are very close with the people you are speaking with? That we use shrill laughter, bad jokes, and slap-you-on-the-back-"Hey-how-bout-that-football-team, eh?" booming questions to fill in silence. Why? Because many people are afraid of it.
Don't ask me why. It's just something I've observed.
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Post by strawberrysweetie on Jun 25, 2009 0:03:13 GMT -5
Another thing I've found frustrating is that on the rare occasion I do have something to say within a group, everyone else is talking so much and so fast, it's like there's never a breath between statements. And I was always taught that it's rude to interrupt, so I just keep my mouth shut, and by the time there is actually a moment of silence where I can speak without interrupting someone, the topic has changed three or four times and it's like, why bother saying something now? Everyone's probably forgotten about the past topic... Oh, I know exactly what you mean by this, as well. If I do have something to say while within a group, I often struggle with the same things.....not wanting to interrupt people, but then losing the perfect moment to speak up in the process. I don't see how other seem to just smoothe their opinions in and smoothly switch to another topic, all so very quickly. It can be very difficult to get in on the conversation and feel apart of it. Exhausting to try to keep up, too. I often feel too slow....my brain just processes information more slowly, I think, for one. That and it's like I have to think about what I'm going to say before saying it.. I don't know. It is very frustrating, though. And then, especially when I'm with family, when I really just don't feel like talking or have absolutely nothing to add to the convo, suddenly people stop and ask me to say something, or to finish a story that they started, and that bugs the heck out of me. Not only because they only seem to do that when I'm just not in the mood to talk, but also cause I'm a bad story teller, and after I finish telling a story people tend to just give me a blank stare like they don't get what I just told them or something. That's another big self-esteem killer. Yeah, it really is. If I get such a blank stare....then I start to worry and end up trying to say more about it that I think may be of more interest or make more of a point to what I said. Well, that or I'll just try to change the topic quickly somehow to get that awkward attention off of what I just said. Otherwise, there's awkward silence until someone else fills in the space. Also strawberry I agree with you, I never did like talking about myself, but I've learnt that sometimes it does get some thing off your chest. A problem shared is a problem halved. That is true. But it's kind of sucky that all I have to talk about are my problems, basically....which can kill relationships. People want someone to be funny and to be able to cheer them up. And, I can be that way sometimes.....but not enough for most people, I don't think. And I never really have any fun stories to share because I don't get to go out all that much. So, I think that just makes me a boring person to most people and there's just not all that much to share about myself, anyway. I had this one psychology teacher who seemed to be really interested in me for some reason. He knew I was the quietest in the class but for some reason was intrigued with me. He ALWAYS picked me for volunteering in. He would ask who would like to volunteer and say "how about you jai?" Before I could even say No he already asked me to get up. My heart raced EVERY time, my hands started sweating I couldn't look anyone in the eye. I wonder if he thought it might help ease your fears by forcing you to face them. Depending on the circumstances, I think that can either really help or really hurt someone depending upon the individual and extent of the fear. But as I've gotten a little older, I've realized that most people (non-shy) are afraid of silence. It is as if they feel that if they stop talking, in a way they no longer exist. What have all the greatest philosophies and religions in the world prescribed for spiritual healing? Silence. Meditation. Prayer. All very QUIET activities. It is so you feel comfortable within yourself without having to remind yourself, verbally, that you still exist. That is a very interesting way of looking at it. |
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Post by redbandana on Jun 25, 2009 5:01:57 GMT -5
I can absolutely relate to what you are saying. Sometimes it helps to know that there are other people out there going through the same thing.
Its funny how we can type so much on here but when it comes to face to face, words seem to evade us. I write a blog, which is mostly just about general life wonders and random thoughts but my friend says whenever he reads it always 'throws him into his deepest philosophical depths' and he wishes he could hear me speak like that. Its so frustrating when everyone around you is telling you "you're so quiet" and "you should speak up more" and then asking you if you're ok just because you keep quiet. Then it somehow makes me feel even more self conscious and I retreat back to my quiet hole. I think I've always been a naturally shy quiet person and I can only wish to have great conversational skills. I think some people are born with it; they can strike up a conversation with the shopkeeper, the person standing behind them in the queue and make a lasting impression- people will want to know them & are eager to talk to them again....whilst others have to work on it. I am not someone who is particularly eloquent and it will take me a while to come up with what I want to say. Usually its friends who carry the conversation but at least if you ask questions, it feels like you are partaking in it- some people just like talking about themselves.
I like the idea that some people are afraid of silence. They will feel the need to constantly fill the conversation but sometimes its nice just to sit and enjoy one another's company. I guess when you find someone you can really talk to or 'click with', silence between both of you is just comfortable...no one feels the need to jump in or break the silence.
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Post by arizona on Jun 25, 2009 20:02:38 GMT -5
I relate completely too. Sometimes I try to engage in small talk, but I'm no good at it. When I try to converse, people get bored very quickly and make excuses to get away from me and find someone more interesting. Maybe its better for me to stay quiet, which is what I do by nature.
Remember though, "its always the quiet ones", and they are afraid your quietness means you will blow them away with an AK-47! ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Stranger on Jun 25, 2009 21:34:15 GMT -5
I'm sick of it! Why do people discriminate against quiet people so much? All throughout school, my teachers would always make a comment about me being so quiet. Not only do I not say much, but I also have a naturally soft voice. Most of the teachers acted like they appreciated my quietness in a way, since I’m sure it was a nice change from the loud, obnoxious kids. But still, it annoys me when people are always telling me, “You’re so quiet,”, when they never tell other people, “You’re so verbose.” At a recent family reunion, a cousin of mine asked me two or three different times, “Has anyone ever told you, you talk too much?” (Obviously said in a sarcastic manner.) I think I’m a pretty nice person. I will go out of my way to help my friends if I can, and I will always stop and listen when they have a problem, even when I have other stuff I need to be doing instead. But yet it’s so hard for me to make new friends because of my quietness. People may try to talk to me once or twice, but once they find out I have hard time coming up with words, they give up on me completely and go make friends with someone who talks a lot instead. And if I say hi to them after that or try to sit next to them in class, they may say hi back but then they just completely ignore me, like just because I'm not the best conversation holder, they don't have time to waste on me. I think, for the most part, people aren't "discriminating" so much as they're simply drawn towards "fun," and they don't find much fun in awkward pauses and one-sided conversations any more than a shy person would. That doesn't justify people being rude to you (although I don't think it's all that out of the ordinary in high school, lol), but surely it's reasonable for people to not hang around someone regularly if they don't feel like they're getting anything out of it. How often do you, voluntarily, hang around with someone who makes you awkward, uncomfortable, or bored, for their sake? As for the "you're so quiet" remarks, yeah it kinda makes you wanna fling a fist or two in their general direction, lol. Others have related similar things in the past too; if you look through the archives here, people have suggested things to say in reply. Some of them were quite funny. ;D Once in high school I was sitting at a table with a bunch of people who typically picked on me, and one of them had the nerve to accuse me of being stuck up since I never talked. How can people accuse me of being stuck up just because I don’t say much? I’ve been around shy people and snobs, and I think there is a huge difference in demeanor when someone is NOT trying to be rude and when someone IS trying to be rude. If someone talks to me or asks me a question, I respond. It may not be a long response, but it’s at least a polite one with no malice in my voice, and usually with a smile on my face. I had to deal with LOTS of stuck up people throughout school, and I don’t recall any of them even trying to be polite. Or the few that did pretend to be nice a few times just so they could make fun of me behind my back later, it was really obvious by their smirks and they way they said things that they were really stuck up... So anyway, I really don’t get how people can confuse shyness with snobbiness when I think it’s rather obvious who thinks they’re better than everyone and who doesn’t... As Strawberry described so vividly, it can be hard to actually discover how you come across to others. I remember being shocked getting glimpses of myself in the mirror, for example, or seeing myself in photographs. One time I was told that I interrupted people rudely despite often holding back approaching people altogether. That was more a problem with my communication skills than a lack of respect. I would have a habit of blurting out what I wanted to say rather than waiting for them to turn to me before continuing. It never feels good to hear things like that, but I think that sort of feedback is actually really valuable because it's so hard to get. If people are still saying these things to you, perhaps it'd be worth thinking about what exactly could be leading people to say this. Even if you think they are being hypocritical. I did have a few people in high school who never really became friends, but they would still invite me to sit with them at lunch so I wouldn’t be the only person in the cafeteria sitting at a table alone. Still from time to time one of them would tell me that my quietness made them nervous. It’s so frustrating. I wish I had great conversational skills, I really really do, but when people talk to me, my mind just goes blank. I try to think about something to talk about, I’ve even read books and websites on how to start and hold conversations, but yet none of that has helped. Even time spent with friends I’ve had for years is usually spent in silence, unless they do most of the talking. And I feel like when people try to talk to me and I don’t say much in response, they’re thinking that I must have some sort of mental problem just because I don’t talk as much as the average person. Well it is a mental problem if it's social anxiety... I share your frustrations, though. It usually happens to me when meeting new people. I'm curious about what sort of things you've tried; I haven't read much about that. I would love to have more friends. I hate only having one person that I can talk to, and when she’s not around, I’m completely alone. I’m sick of being lonely. I’ve spent most of my life alone. I was always the only one throughout school that never had a friend to talk to in any of my classes. When we would work in groups and got to choose who to work with, I was always the only person that the teacher would have to place in group after everyone else rushed to be in a group with their friends... I’m nearly 27 and I’ve only had one relationship in my life, and that lasted less than a year. I hate being alone, but it seems I will always be that way since I’m such a lousy conversationalist, and the majority of the population discriminates against people who just don’t have much to say. I really do sympathize here. But pushing blame onto "the population" I think is not really fair. The worst it can do is give a hostile edge to your demeanor, which can be anything but welcoming. In fact, by not being able to converse, I think we're actually failing to contribute towards others in a way. I find I'm often entertained or interested in what others say, but fail to say much of substance in return. When people make the point that some can talk about themselves so easily, I think that's often a really good thing (to a point of course). They're revealing part of their lives so others can take things from it. We should try to open up more so that others can take things from us, IMO. I understand completely. I've always been a quiet person. Although I've literally trained myself to engage in small talk, I don't find it enjoyable and actually consider it mostly a waste of time. But as I've gotten a little older, I've realized that most people (non-shy) are afraid of silence. It is as if they feel that if they stop talking, in a way they no longer exist. What have all the greatest philosophies and religions in the world prescribed for spiritual healing? Silence. Meditation. Prayer. All very QUIET activities. It is so you feel comfortable within yourself without having to remind yourself, verbally, that you still exist. Have you ever noticed people feel it's impolite to let pauses into conversations unless you are very close with the people you are speaking with? That we use shrill laughter, bad jokes, and slap-you-on-the-back-"Hey-how-bout-that-football-team, eh?" booming questions to fill in silence. Why? Because many people are afraid of it. Don't ask me why. It's just something I've observed. I disagree with most of this. I think small talk is a waste of time if both parties are only doing it to comply with the other's expectations. (Or if it gets excessive... ;D). But people do it for other reasons. Two strangers might start with small talk if they have nothing else to say to give them a chance to find a something which lets them connect on a deeper level. The nice old lady at the bus stop might do it because being nice to people makes her feel good. A shopkeeper might engage in it to make their customers feel more welcome when they have nothing else to say. It's a way of showing that one is open to being friendly with another when pure silence could be a little ambiguous. As for silence, sure it can be relaxing and "healing" and all that, but it's not like it's somehow a superior state of being. I imagine for most the power of meditation is simply as a peaceful break of solitude admidst their bustling, overloaded lives. Prayer is something else entirely, but I think most would say it's not really about "feeling comfortable within yourself," and the silence is probably more to denote solemnity. |
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Post by shycwgirl on Jun 26, 2009 16:40:50 GMT -5
I understand completely. I've always been a quiet person. Although I've literally trained myself to engage in small talk, I don't find it enjoyable and actually consider it mostly a waste of time. People have commented to me that I'm quiet and contemplative. But as I've gotten a little older, I've realized that most people (non-shy) are afraid of silence. It is as if they feel that if they stop talking, in a way they no longer exist. What have all the greatest philosophies and religions in the world prescribed for spiritual healing? Silence. Meditation. Prayer. All very QUIET activities. It is so you feel comfortable within yourself without having to remind yourself, verbally, that you still exist. Have you ever noticed people feel it's impolite to let pauses into conversations unless you are very close with the people you are speaking with? That we use shrill laughter, bad jokes, and slap-you-on-the-back-"Hey-how-bout-that-football-team, eh?" booming questions to fill in silence. Why? Because many people are afraid of it. Don't ask me why. It's just something I've observed. i hate small talk it feels like a waste of time imao. id rather be doing something even if its vacuming. |
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Post by arizona on Jun 30, 2009 20:18:32 GMT -5
It is HARD to see yourself as others see you. as I said awhile back in the Asperger's threads, as a child--and even into young adulthood, I chattered away endlessly and tirelessly about movies. Some kind of mental thing, I guess---but I only started FORCING myself not to when I slowly comprehended that people thought I was really NUTS! It wasn't the kind of small talk anyone wanted to hear.
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Post by lilangelxo on Jul 1, 2009 7:18:04 GMT -5
All throughout school, my teachers would always make a comment about me being so quiet. Not only do I not say much, but I also have a naturally soft voice. Most of the teachers acted like they appreciated my quietness in a way, since I’m sure it was a nice change from the loud, obnoxious kids. But still, it annoys me when people are always telling me, “You’re so quiet,”, when they never tell other people, “You’re so verbose.” At a recent family reunion, a cousin of mine asked me two or three different times, “Has anyone ever told you, you talk too much?” (Obviously said in a sarcastic manner.) Same with me. I think I’m a pretty nice person. I will go out of my way to help my friends if I can, and I will always stop and listen when they have a problem, even when I have other stuff I need to be doing instead. But yet it’s so hard for me to make new friends because of my quietness. People may try to talk to me once or twice, but once they find out I have hard time coming up with words, they give up on me. Same here. I did have a few people in high school who never really became friends, but they would still invite me to sit with them at lunch so I wouldn’t be the only person in the cafeteria sitting at a table alone. Same here ;D I would love to have more friends. I hate only having one person that I can talk to, and when she’s not around, I’m completely alone. I’m sick of being lonely. I’ve spent most of my life alone. Same here. |
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Post by GoldenRose82 on Jul 2, 2009 9:50:11 GMT -5
Redbandana - I know what you mean about being able to write a lot online, but can't find the words in person. I like to blog too, and my friends usually tell me that mine is their favorite blog to read cause it's so well written and stuff, but then when I'm face to face with someone it's like my brain just shuts off. Even if it's a topic I've blogged about or have studied, words just refuse to come at all. It's extremely frustrating.
Arizona - Maybe people are afraid of us cause of the whole "it's the quiet ones you have to look out for," deal. lol I never thought of it like that.
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Post by k151 on Jul 4, 2009 21:56:35 GMT -5
In the last few years, I've definitely had the same experience.
At work, even the boss makes comments about how little I talk. He's overall a decent guy, but hell...
Other people at work seem to have an idea that even 2 seconds of silence has to be awkward.
Christ, just because we have lips doesn't mean they have to be flapping 24/7. Silences are only awkward if you think they are awkward.
It's funny that I became this way at 21. As a kid in elementary school, the first comment on my report card was always "talks too damn much".
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Post by nicole555 on Jul 7, 2009 17:45:13 GMT -5
I know exactly how you feel too. People always saying "why don't you talk?" and stuff like that. And also that people start to become your friend and then find someone new because I didn't say much. I always do the listening. In fact, one of my friends really only talks to me about her problems so I can give her some quick advice and thats it. I'm always listening to her about how she doesn't know what to do about this or how she should handle a problem. But I never tell her my problems-- because I just don't know how.
Also sometimes people who know I'm shy will "be nice" to me. They really don't wan to be my friend they're just being polite, but it's kind of embarrassing.
Anyway you are definitly not alone.
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A lot of times it feels like I am. I've never met anyone who's quieter than me, or even anywhere near as quiet as I am. It seems like everyone I've ever met is more outgoing, even the shy people. After so many years of people commenting on me being so quiet like it's unusual, and making comments that I should talk more often, it's easy to feel like there's something "not normal" about me, especially since everyone else I've ever encountered seems to be so much better at holding a conversation than I have ever been.
