|
Post by Stranger on Jul 8, 2009 12:44:54 GMT -5
I know exactly how you feel too. People always saying "why don't you talk?" and stuff like that. And also that people start to become your friend and then find someone new because I didn't say much. I always do the listening. In fact, one of my friends really only talks to me about her problems so I can give her some quick advice and thats it. I'm always listening to her about how she doesn't know what to do about this or how she should handle a problem. But I never tell her my problems-- because I just don't know how. Also sometimes people who know I'm shy will "be nice" to me. They really don't wan to be my friend they're just being polite, but it's kind of embarrassing. Anyway you are definitly not alone. I think if you could do this a bit, it would help you form a stronger bond with people. There are some problems it might be weird talking to people about, but otherwise discussing your problems could either lead to finding a solution, or having a cathartic bitchfest which can make you feel closer and less alone. Either way, happifying.
|
|
|
Post by arizona on Jul 11, 2009 17:56:11 GMT -5
People who say "why don't you talk" should be careful what they wish for. As I said in previous post, the kind of small talk I WAS good at no one wanted to hear.
|
|
dave76
Junior Member
Posts: 55
|
Post by dave76 on Jul 14, 2009 5:03:26 GMT -5
I remember when I was in Middle School, I got made fun of alot and people usually acted like they did not want me around them. Everytime I opened my mouth I got made fun of or blasted. When I finally reached High School, I just kept to myself and people usually most of the time just ignored me. I had one jerk blast me in Art class when I said something with a "he talks" comment. I remember also when some girl needed a date for a party, my teacher told her to ask me. She blasted back that she hated shy guys so when she came over to my table beating around the bush that she needed someone to take her to a party but did not know anyone, I just kept quiet on purpose because I did not like her attitude. When I got my first job, boy that was not easy. I was so used to being quiet that I did not know how to start conversations with people and costumers. I got blasted for that on the job and got accused that I had no self esteem by my boss and teachers. That kinda hurt.
|
|
|
Post by bigl209 on Aug 8, 2009 22:53:04 GMT -5
So far pretty much everything said here is something I've experienced.
But to answer the question most societies expect people to be great conversationalists. They don't really understand how annoying it is to have someone comment on how quiet or shy we are.
|
|
1one1
New Member
Posts: 26
|
Post by 1one1 on Aug 20, 2009 17:41:27 GMT -5
Yeah, I just got a comment like that the other day. People are not going to understand if they're not open to it or have lived it. That's okay, it's what make human beings unique, diversity. We all can learn something from eachother.
|
|
|
Post by timarends on Sept 16, 2009 15:23:36 GMT -5
I’m such a lousy conversationalist, and the majority of the population discriminates against people who just don’t have much to say. Plus, don't you hate those self-help authors who say "all you have to do is show an interest in the other person. People love to talk about themselves. Just show interest in them, and they'll talk and talk about themselves, and you won't have to say anything at all!" Wrong! People do expect you to do some of the talking Yourself. There are a few people who just want to talk about themselves, but they are a minority. The "experts" say that because it makes the problem sound easy to solve when it isn't. Plus, there is what I call "catching shyness". Being around a shy person makes some people feel shy themselves. On the plus side, in this electronic age, you can interact with a lot of people without having to talk to them personally, but I agree that this is no substitute for IRL relationships. What is the difference between shy and standoffish behavior? It sounds like with you, when somebody says something to you to strike up a conversation, you at least try to respond, while a standoffish person may not even bother. However, most non-shy people don't care about this subtle difference.
|
|
|
Post by audio on Sept 16, 2009 18:44:05 GMT -5
I have to agree, timarends.
Especially about the difference between shy and standoffish.
I have talked to people who have been that way (standoffish) to me, and I do not find it pleasant at all. It is difficult enough for me to talk to people, especially men (although I enjoy talking to the opposite sex), because of my "ugly betty" similarity (minus the braces), and when they don't even have the decency (I mean politeness by "decency", by the way) to say something in return (disrespectful!), it makes me just want to disappear!!!
|
|
|
Post by agenericgirl on Sept 16, 2009 22:00:00 GMT -5
I was at the gym this morning, half asleep, working out on a machine with my eyes closed. A gym employee walking by just had to say, "You sure are quiet this morning." Funny thing is she knows very well by now that I never talk unless I have to. She just wanted to point it out to everyone. I didn't know how to react so I just said, "I always am." And then she said, "Oh really!" in a not nice way. Why do people have to do this?!
|
|
|
Post by arizona on Sept 30, 2009 19:31:58 GMT -5
Because they are boneheads.
|
|