I really need to talk

[alex101]

I'm sorry if this is long but I really need to share this.

Okay so one time these guys I knew use to pick on me all the time. One day they told me that girls wouldn't like me and that I was too ugly for love; even though my family says that I'm handsome. I was the only guy in my class who had a full head of black hair so the guys use to always torment me by calling me a girl. They told me girl wouldn't like my hair and that I needed to dye it blonde or blue but I didn't do because I liked my hair so then they kept tormenting me.

I'm a little big so then the guys would always call me fat and teased me about that. I don't think I'm fat, I'm 6ft-3 and I'm bid but not obese; I mean I don't have a double chin or huge legs.
Then they would torment me about getting girls and saying that I'm too ugly for love and girls wouldn't like me because girls don't date girls.

I didn't go to any dances or proms at our school because I knew the guys would be there and that they would torment me; one time they said that if I went they would follow me around and tell everyone there that I was gay. Which I'm not.

I don't think that badly of myself because I'm really nice and funny to be around and also because of what I went through I found that I'm really compassionate; I would never treat anyone else like that.

But now thanks to the guys, I'm a little self concious about dating because I'm afraid that everyone will view me like they did. Do they guys really think of me as their friend or is something wrong with them; are they jealous? I'm really a good guy?

[Tal]

I wouldn't count them as your friends as I'm sure they don't think of you as a friend.

People at work do tell me to get a hairstyle every so often and to be fair I don't have a decent hair style so there's some basis in that (although it shouldn't matter for attracting a women), however being told your ugly isn't an attempt at helpful advice, it's ridicule and if that's what they say to you, then you should probably avoid them.

[gaia]

Are you the Alex that posted before and you forgot your last log-in details? Just curious.

Anyway, don't let what guys think affect your confidence in dating. It's not the guys your dating, it's the girls.
You sound like a nice person, and certainly not ugly. I mean I have a preference for guys with black hair anyway (not all the ladies love Brad Pitt ).

[guywhocodes]

Screw them!!!! It really pisses me of when people pick on other people. They are just doing it because they are jealous.

[alex101]

But what would they have to be jealous about?

[mousemarie]

I have found that most people who tease and put others down do it because they themselves are insecure about something. Teasing makes them feel better about themselves and they think it makes them look good in front of others. I used to get teased when I was in school too. I hated it. I also got teased at home by my Dad.
I know it's hard but don't worry about what those people said about you. I am sure there are plenty of other people around who think you are great!!

[alex101]

mousemarie: It's funny you should say they because there are people that know me and they tell my family lots of nice things about me; like I'm sweet and good looking.

Even in college there have been people that don't even know that well but from what they've seen a few girls thought that I was sweet and nice.

I just don't know why it's so hard for me to see that too and why I think I'm ugly?

[GoldenRose82]

Being told such hurtful things by your peers is a really hard thing to get over. When I was in school, I used to have complete strangers come up to me and tell me I was ugly. But my family and several older people have told me that I'm pretty. Still, even though more people have told me I'm pretty than ugly, it seems like those people who said I was ugly had the loudest voice.

Plus I think most people look at themselves in the mirror and see all the imperfections that other people probably don't notice or don't think are as big of a deal as you do. I've known a lot of people who are attractive but have a hard time viewing themselves as such. Maybe it's just human nature to be self-critical.

[arizona]

I was a magnet for bullies all throughout my school years---my school years were not happy. I came to believe I was ugly and fat (which, to be fair, I kinda am), but it affected my life. as I'm sure I posted before, I am now middle-aged--not gay but never married--too shy to look for love anymore, especially after some humiliating experiences when I did.

Being bullied stays with you all your life---as for the bullies, they may not be bullies anymore, but they likely look back on their school years with "Remember all those dorks we went to school with?", not realizing one of those dorks may be someone you see at work everyday.

[audio]

Sept 13, 2009 23:03:43 GMT -5 guywhocodes said:

Screw them!!!! It really pisses me of when people pick on other people. They are just doing it because they are jealous.

i agree. maybe these guys are jealous of you, alex. they are certainly not saying anything nice. you sound like a real cool fellow to me .

[skyhint]

Oct 2, 2009 16:55:28 GMT -5 @audio said:

Sept 13, 2009 23:03:43 GMT -5 guywhocodes said:

Screw them!!!! It really pisses me of when people pick on other people. They are just doing it because they are jealous.

i agree. maybe these guys are jealous of you, alex. they are certainly not saying anything nice. you sound like a real cool fellow to me .

You know, this is so true. I never really believed it before because it didn't seem like something I (or any rational person) would do. But people reallly do tease others because they are jealous. I realize that now, a lot of the people who picked on me were only jealous.