Social Event at Work!

[mousemarie]

Ok here's the problem. A few weeks ago my boss planned this social event. The whole company is going to a local restaurant for lunch and fun. They would like everyone to go and the event is tomorrow! I said I would go just to make them happy but I absolutely HATE these kind of outings! I finally came up with an excuse to get out of it. I know most people would say "go you will never get over this until you face it". The whole idea of it makes me so anxious, I cannot control it. It's a horrible feeling! Plus I don't really have any friends at work because of my shyness and social anxiety. I'm worried they might re-schedule it since I am not going. What should I do??

[strawberrysweetie]

Sept 16, 2009 19:35:54 GMT -5 mousemarie said:

Ok here's the problem. A few weeks ago my boss planned this social event. The whole company is going to a local restaurant for lunch and fun. They would like everyone to go and the event is tomorrow! I said I would go just to make them happy but I absolutely HATE these kind of outings! I finally came up with an excuse to get out of it. I know most people would say "go you will never get over this until you face it". The whole idea of it makes me so anxious, I cannot control it. It's a horrible feeling! Plus I don't really have any friends at work because of my shyness and social anxiety. I'm worried they might re-schedule it since I am not going. What should I do??

You really think they'd re-schedule it if you don't go and it's tomorrow?

Avoidance really is not a good thing in the end, since the fear of what you're avoiding usually gets worse. Though, honestly, I myself would probably end up giving an excuse and not going...but I make bad decisions.

So...I would encourage you or anyone else in a similar situation to just go for it. Considering you don't feel you have any work friends now, this could be a really good opportunity to attempt to make friends. At least you know you have work stuff in common to talk about.

Perhaps you could also just go for part of it? Go and leave whenever you want? Surely they can't make you stay the whole time.

[Tal]

Well if they do reschedule it for you (I think unlikely) then you can at least go knowing that they wanted you there, which should make it a bit easier.

[audio]

I know what you're going through. I faced a similar situation, but in my building, and no I didn't go. The only way I would have gone is if I faced eviction (it didn't of course) by my absense (it was a barbecue).

Unless its a matter of "go or face termination" (probably NOT the case), then it's entirely up to you. Your co-workers probably know that you are shy, so they should not hold it against you if you are absent.

And I agree with the others, that the social event probably will not be re-scheduled.

[mousemarie]

Well I ended up not going. In a way I feel bad for it but in another way I am relieved. They didn't cancel it either. I called the office and the answering service said the office had closed for the day for a company event. Thanks everyone for your advice! Made me feel better knowing there are other people who feel the sameway!

[anothershy1]

I know exactly how you feel have a quick glance through an old post of mine "Works Christmas party again" Give it a few months and you will see it from another angle. I hadn't made any friends at work in six years and then one finally clicks.

HTH

[1229]

Work parties are the worst! I'd rather be working. I only attend if I absolutely cannot get out of it. Terrible, I know. But I've gone to enough of them to give them a try and I know I don't like them.

[putter65]

I think you was wise not going to a large party full of people you don't know that well.

However if you want to meet people and have friends, you need to have a more active social life. Next time you get an invite to a smaller event ; with say only 10 or less people; why don't you go ?

If your not enjoying yourself you can always go home. The thing is when you get an invite, they want you to go otherwise they wouldn't ask.

[timarends]

I understand your feelings entirely but I would say that you really do need to work on improving relations with your coworkers. Shyness can make it hard to advance on the job, network, find a better position, etc. What if a new worker joins the workplace and takes a disliking to a shy person, because they think they're unfriendly? What if the boss decides that a shy person doesn't work well with their coworkers? Shyness can lead to all kinds of problems on the job. Believe me, I've been there.

[gals]

Sept 16, 2009 19:35:54 GMT -5 mousemarie said:

Ok here's the problem. A few weeks ago my boss planned this social event. The whole company is going to a local restaurant for lunch and fun. They would like everyone to go and the event is tomorrow! I said I would go just to make them happy but I absolutely HATE these kind of outings! I finally came up with an excuse to get out of it. I know most people would say "go you will never get over this until you face it". The whole idea of it makes me so anxious, I cannot control it. It's a horrible feeling! Plus I don't really have any friends at work because of my shyness and social anxiety. I'm worried they might re-schedule it since I am not going. What should I do??

I know this is kinda late reply already, but hope you update us if indeed you went at your company lunch? How did it go?

It was just a casual and fun lunch--it's not as if you have some parlor games and introducing yourself in front of others.

I agree that if you always avoid something, then you'll never get over it, or even overcome it.