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Post by mousemarie on Sept 17, 2009 18:34:46 GMT -5
Ok I am new here so maybe somebody has already posted something about this before. I am angry because it seems like people always have to point out to me that I am quiet. Why?? Like I don't know this already!! Recently I have had people at work make comments like " You just sit over here all day and don't say a word" and " Try not to talk so much". I feel like saying back to them in a sarcastic tone " Really? I hadn't noticed. Thanks for clueing me in." But of course I say nothing and am just embarrased. Has this ever happened to anybody else? Why do people do this? Pointing out the obvious is just plain stupid in some cases!
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Post by GoldenRose82 on Sept 18, 2009 3:44:12 GMT -5
Welcome to the board mousemarie. I think you'll find many people on here with the same complaint. I have a cousin who every time I see him says at least once, "You talk too much," or something similar. I have another cousin who will just come up to me and stare for a few seconds and then command me to "Speak," or ask me why I don't talk. And I've had lots of other people throughout school, both fellow students and teachers, point out, "You're so quiet. You just sit back there and don't say anything." Etc.. If only I wasn't so shy I would love to make a smart ass remark back too, but I doubt that'll ever happen.
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Post by Astroruss on Sept 18, 2009 10:36:44 GMT -5
It sounds like they're just picking on you for fun, so as to draw you for small talk. When I say picking on you, I mean in a friendly way. They want to know you better. Small talk is like that. It's a way of breaking the ice and bridging the gap with strangers. Most people feel a need to interact and socialize with others; it's a common instinct. Silence is uncomfortable for them. And especially in the workplace, coworkers feel the need to interact, because yall work for the same company and the same team, so communication is essential to productivity. Now for shybies, it's not uncommon to be quiet alll the time. But we are the few, the exception to the rule. They don't recognize this, that you want to be quiet and solitary. When they do this, just reply with a disamring joke or two. Like "Oh, I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind" or "I'm just sleepy; I didn't get much rest last night." When they approach you with small talk, they're just testing you, to mkae sure safe to talk to. Give that disarming smile, and make the joke.
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Post by HybridMoment on Sept 18, 2009 15:50:31 GMT -5
If I had a nickel every time someone told me that I'd have at least $30.
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Post by nicole555 on Sept 20, 2009 16:02:28 GMT -5
I know!!!! The same thing happens to me all the time. It gets so annoying and embarassing. It's like you don't have to tell me that I'm quiet.
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gaia
New Member
Posts: 9
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Post by gaia on Sept 21, 2009 11:54:24 GMT -5
I was getting a load of comments about my quietness (and blushing) at the weekend. Funnily enough, those comments didn't make me want to come out of my shell. Just made me feel even smaller than I did before.
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Post by zerosum on Sept 21, 2009 12:25:56 GMT -5
I was getting a load of comments about my quietness (and blushing) at the weekend. Funnily enough, those comments didn't make me want to come out of my shell. Just made me feel even smaller than I did before. Mmm funny that. Gah, I really hate this as well. It's horrible when someone points out that you're blushing and that just makes it ten times worse. And Ultraruss, sometimes I'll say something lame back, but it's just to get them to leave me alone anyway. Haha! They really have to poke us to make sure the shy, quiet folk are safe creatures? ;D
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Post by Astroruss on Sept 21, 2009 13:29:04 GMT -5
And Ultraruss, sometimes I'll say something lame back, but it's just to get them to leave me alone anyway. Haha! They really have to poke us to make sure the shy, quiet folk are safe creatures? ;D Well, it's assumed that if you're in a public place with many other persons around, then you should talk a little bit. Communications is essential. We are not robotic automotons. This website here provides excellent opportunities for practice.
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Post by christine220 on Sept 30, 2009 15:09:27 GMT -5
hi Mousemarie, I know exactly what you are talking about. I get that a lot. It drives me crazy! I don't understand why people have to point out what they think is a flaw and then make a joke about it. It certainly doesn't make me suddenly very talkative and friendly. Sometimes I just smile or laugh it off and other times it brings me to tears. Depends on my mood. I've noticed that once you have a reputation as a shy or quiet person, it doesn't matter what you do, you are always seen that way. So sometimes I just give up. Once, I was at work and we were in a meeting and I was doing a lot of talking. Bringing up new ideas etc. I was silent for maybe a minute and the girl next to me (an extrovert that never shuts up) turned to me and said "don't you ever speak?" I was so shocked (and hurt) that I didn't even know what to say. I had just talked for about ten minutes straight during the meeting and she acted like I never opened my mouth. So it is frustrating.
I sometimes compare it to someone walking up to someone who is overweight and saying "wow you are FAT" That would be considered rude and hopefully no one would do that. I think it is the same with telling someone who is quiet, don't you talk, quit talking so much (I hear that about once a day) etc. It is rude and annoying and doesn't make me want to talk to anyone. It makes me pull away and feel like a freak or something. LIke they are pointing out just how different I am from them.
I don't know what to tell you except to try not to let it bother you or come up with a smart a$$ come back and use it every single time someone says that to you. They will get tired of hearing it and maybe stop saying those things to you.
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Post by madiocre on Sept 30, 2009 19:05:26 GMT -5
" Try not to talk so much". I feel like saying back to them in a sarcastic tone " Really? I hadn't noticed. Thanks for clueing me in." that actually would be quite a good witty response. i guess if they are poking fun in a light hearted way just poke fun back in the same kinda tone. if they are being seriously rude you can be seriuosly rude back its all in the tone.....
"command me to "Speak," or ask me why I don't talk" someone used to do that to me in facebook chat.....when i was answering them and askign as much as they were we just didnt have anything in common.but since i was so quiet in real life they thought it was appropriate to try and make it like it was my fault the conversations didnt go anywhere.
I sometimes compare it to someone walking up to someone who is overweight and saying "wow you are FAT" That would be considered rude and hopefully no one would do that.
lol its funny you mention this i have seen plenty of preschool children make that remark to parents i have never seen them complain about someone with a more quiet or hy persnality.
I've noticed that once you have a reputation as a shy or quiet person, it doesn't matter what you do, you are always seen that way. So sometimes I just give up. Once, I was at work and we were in a meeting and I was doing a lot of talking. Bringing up new ideas etc. I was silent for maybe a minute and the girl next to me (an extrovert that never shuts up) turned to me and said "don't you ever speak?" I was so shocked (and hurt) that I didn't even know what to say. I had just talked for about ten minutes straight during the meeting and she acted like I never opened my mouth. So it is frustrating.
its frustrating that with all those people always telling us to speak no one actually wants to listen. I always feel like because i'm quiiet when i speak up people will listen but i think that because i'm quiet when i speak up people listen less.
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