Seen as weird at work. But i dont' have any power

[peterseter3]

Hi . I'm a 31 year old male. Basically i've been shy ever since i can remember.
But what's bothering me is that at work everyone thinks i'm weird cause i don't talk like them. Everyone talks and talks fluently and about anything. To them is easy as 1 2 3.

It's come even to the point that I'm getting teased by the company director. Before i was teased by chatty annoying female coworkers but the other day even the company director said "Tell me when you talk the next time." I just smiled.

Ok so everyone wants me to be like them but I can't be just cause they want me to be. I don't have developed speaking skills. A shy person who has not talked all his life, can't just start talking and making sense. I've tried it.

I talk alittle with my side coworker who does the same thing as I do. And always, i have to repeat myself cause I miss the pronunciation or just my sentence doesn't make sense.

Then other coworkers around me never even look at me or talk to me cause i'm not gregarious like they are. I don't joke, i don't tell my private life. Seems all the non shy people joke, and tell everything about their private life.. which is something i don't want to do. Why should I?

They naggy client service women I used to be by before(now they moved me), used to nag about "Hey where do you live?" "Hey you live at home?(with parents)"
Why would i tell them about how i live and who i live with. that's none of their business.

I always lied to them just so they don't get angry.

So, my question is how do you cope with the constant telling me "hey why you don't talk?" that I"m getting ever since i've worked here, if I'm not naturally like they are and have never been.
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I"m actually a good person and respond nicely if people ask me something or sometimes if i have courage make a small little nice comment or little funny thing but that's me. I don't have impulse to be talking nonstop.
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For example, some thing that i do is If i find a funny interesting name on a document. I say to my coworker "hey look at this" and they smile or laugh. cause it's funny. But you see, that's me.. i like to connect with people in that way, not by talking endless stream of words. Yet everybody seems to think i'm weird.

What do you think? Any tips on how to deal with a job place where most people are loud and think you're stupid cause you're not that way.

[putter65]

I used to be like that when I worked in a office 20 years ago. People would never even say 'hi' to me. I would try and talk to them and they wouldn't talk much.

All changed when I started in retail. My first job, the boss after a month took me to one side and said I didn't talk enough to the staff or the customers. So after that I made an effort to talk to people.

Now at work I talk all time. I am probably the most vocal of the staff. (not in how loud I am but how often I talk) I have just learned the art of talking to people, telling funny stories, asking people questions. It's just practise.

I am not talkative in social situations though.

Regrading yourself, if you don't like your co workers then I wouldn't bother talking to them. That's another thing I learned. If you don't like someone - you don't have to talk to them. And so what if they don't like you and call you weird ?

I would take up some hobbies / activities that involve talking to people. This will encourage you to talk to strangers and you will develop the art of conversations and if there is somebody at work who is worth talking to then you will find it alot easier to talk to them.

[Paper]

I am in an unusual position in that I currently see this problem from both sides. I am the one who rarely speaks in my department at work, and I frequently get people complaining about how I never say anything, but there's someone else in a different department who's even more shy than I am. From what I hear he quite literally never speaks so anyone, whereas I probably manage to say one or two things a day.

I am well aware that he will be suffering like I am among all those people, who are no doubt giving him all the 'why don't you talk more?' rubbish, and I would like to make an effort to talk to him without criticising, but the problem is that I never get an opportunity. There are occasional work gatherings after hours or at lunchtime which I make myself go to, but he doesn't come to any of them. So the advice I will give is that if you're in a position where you're going to have to mingle with co-workers then try not to get out of it because doing so will only make matters worse.

On the other hand, if you do mingle with others but are unable to put on a performance of being like everyone else then it will be even more awkward and horrible than work is anyway. You may have realised if you've read this far that I've just contradicted myself and haven't actually given any decent advice. I don't even know why I'm bothering to post this at all.

[peterseter3]

paper do't apologize you gave me good insight. IN my work, I'm the only one who's shy and a bad speaker. People think i'm stupid and they think i'm weird.

And putter, thanks. yeah i don't talk to people who think i'm stupid. I usually do talk to nice older women. They do seem to be nice to me. But my department is full of young loud talkative confident people and they give me this weird look just cause i don't yapp like them. It's difficult to be hated.

And then the supervisor when she's around me she's like getting annoyed that i don't talk like all her other "pets". They always yapping iwth her and she yapping with them.

[gals]

Dec 15, 2010 13:28:37 GMT -5 peterseter3 said:

They naggy client service women I used to be by before(now they moved me), used to nag about "Hey where do you live?" "Hey you live at home?(with parents)"
Why would i tell them about how i live and who i live with. that's none of their business.

Any tips on how to deal with a job place where most people are loud and think you're stupid cause you're not that way.

Hi peter. Seems to me you sound more aloof than shy and it's easy to be misunderstood as that. But don't worry, you are not alone.

And about that naggy client women who keeps asking you qs, I don't think they're being naggy. Maybe it's their friendly way of making you welcome into their circle. If they ask you like where you live, etc, you answer them nicely also. You should also do your part if you want to be seen as a friendly colleague. They're also trying, you may never realized it