Post by robini123 on Nov 29, 2012 18:14:45 GMT -5
Don't let others define you!
I am a 47 y/o man who has largely overcome my shyness... largely but not completely. And one of the biggest tips I could pass on is to not base your self worth on what others say about you.
I use to be a slave to what others thought of me. For example if I got a compliment I would be ecstatic, but if I got criticism I would be crushed. So unconsciously what I would do is act in a way that I thought others would like. I became a chameleon in an effort to become everything to everybody... and in the process I lost touch with who I am.
Sadly by trying to be a people pleaser in an effort to be accepted and liked... in the end I was still alone and nearly ended up drinking myself to death. It is an exercise in futility trying to please everyone and leads only to pain.
Now days I have a well developed filter for what others say. For example, I am a man with long hair. If someone on the streets makes a negative comment... well I just could not care less... and why should I? Am I to run to the barber, cut my hair, all in an effort to not offend someones shallow and superficial judgment?
I no longer need the approval of others to feel good about myself... it is nice to receive praise, but it is not necessary. As for criticism, I am by no means closed to it, but I run the criticism through the filter of my own take on morality and ethics... and if I am in the wrong I promptly admit it and set things right. But if someone tells me I look like a ex-con with my long hair, I tell them that people should be judged upon the content of their character and not solely on how they look.
It is important to know yourself. What do "I" like? What are "my" thoughts and opinions? What is "my" views on wrong and right? What are "my" thoughts on morality and ethics? If you have not asked yourself these questions... then perhaps you should! YOU should be the one defining who you are and what you stand for... not others!
It is OK to stand on your own morality and ethics, even if they conflict with another person's views... and this WILL happen, and it is OK. We all do not have to agree, it is OK to say "I respect your view but I see it another way".
It is YOUR life, do not lets others define it for you... else your risk being empty and depressed. Forge your own path.
I am a 47 y/o man who has largely overcome my shyness... largely but not completely. And one of the biggest tips I could pass on is to not base your self worth on what others say about you.
I use to be a slave to what others thought of me. For example if I got a compliment I would be ecstatic, but if I got criticism I would be crushed. So unconsciously what I would do is act in a way that I thought others would like. I became a chameleon in an effort to become everything to everybody... and in the process I lost touch with who I am.
Sadly by trying to be a people pleaser in an effort to be accepted and liked... in the end I was still alone and nearly ended up drinking myself to death. It is an exercise in futility trying to please everyone and leads only to pain.
Now days I have a well developed filter for what others say. For example, I am a man with long hair. If someone on the streets makes a negative comment... well I just could not care less... and why should I? Am I to run to the barber, cut my hair, all in an effort to not offend someones shallow and superficial judgment?
I no longer need the approval of others to feel good about myself... it is nice to receive praise, but it is not necessary. As for criticism, I am by no means closed to it, but I run the criticism through the filter of my own take on morality and ethics... and if I am in the wrong I promptly admit it and set things right. But if someone tells me I look like a ex-con with my long hair, I tell them that people should be judged upon the content of their character and not solely on how they look.
It is important to know yourself. What do "I" like? What are "my" thoughts and opinions? What is "my" views on wrong and right? What are "my" thoughts on morality and ethics? If you have not asked yourself these questions... then perhaps you should! YOU should be the one defining who you are and what you stand for... not others!
It is OK to stand on your own morality and ethics, even if they conflict with another person's views... and this WILL happen, and it is OK. We all do not have to agree, it is OK to say "I respect your view but I see it another way".
It is YOUR life, do not lets others define it for you... else your risk being empty and depressed. Forge your own path.