Role of Appearance

[marle]

Do you think that your appearance has affected your life beyond the romantic/sexual realm? I have been thinking about it more lately, and how it's shaped my experience. By appearance, I of course mean physical looks but also facial expressions and how you dress.

I'm not conventionally attractive (that's the P.C.-way of putting it). One of the ways I notice my experience is different is more gender-specific. I hear all these accounts of women feeling sexually harassed, judged more on their looks, befriending men who turn out only to be interested in sex, etc. These accounts largely don't match my experience. I presume this is mostly due to not being pretty, and to a lesser extent my lack of smiling, introversion, type of companies I work for and other factors. I will say that I appreciate this silver lining. I have a nerdy occupation, too, and get feedback about my accomplishments on the basis of competence. I also think there is a silver lining to not having a self-image built around your good looks. I don't want to make it sound like I think it's better to be unattractive. Certainly not. Personally, I would choose to be slightly attractive but not in a way that garners too much attention - but I kind of digress.

The other ways it has affected me, I believe, is to allow me to be more isolated. If you are less attractive, fewer people will come up to you and try to start conversations. My introverted self appreciates this to some extent. I also like that when people do speak to me, I don't have to wonder if they are doing so for superficial or sexual reasons. Of course, though, I'm probably missing social opportunities that could have led to something more substantive. Double-edge swords and all.

I don't think I completely explained my thoughts on this well, and will probably have to clarify more later. But I rarely write anything, so I will take the chance and post this. May as well discuss the significance of the "shell" many feel like we are hiding behind.

[aleaf]

Oh i know a lot of people who are not attractive (to me) and still have a lot around them and be "popular" / "charming"
it just depends on the people that see you, not you

for exemple gothic people are not attrative to half of the planet but for certain person they are

.... i don't know..

[Strawberry]

I will reply to this, as I've thought about it quite a bit. I just need some time to think in a way that I can write out my thoughts properly.

[billd1]

I suppose the worst thing about my personal appearance is the shabby clothes I wear.

Yes, that is the word that one lady I made a business call on, used in describing me to my employer, telling him that I was "rude and shabbily dressed."

All my life I have had people "talking to" me about my shabby cothes (they don't use that word).

In fact, one very nice lady I know, after telling her I had passed Wal Mart's assessment test, told me, "before you go for an interview, I want to talk to you."

Well, I know exactly what she wanted to "talk to" me about: the way I dress.

While many people do make negative remarks and "talk to" me about the way that I dress, many others never make any such remarks to me.

I suppose that there are just different types of people in regard to this matter.

[Strawberry]

OH NO....I was going to comment on this....had paragraphs worth (usually I copy repeatedly so as to make sure I save SOMETHING in case something happens)....and then, I must have hit something with the way I'm sitting....and my window closed out, and it's all lost. ALL OF IT. 

ARGH. I suck. 

I guess I'll have to get back to this later today. ugh. That was probably 20+ minutes of my life. I annoy myself so much sometimes. Frustrating!

[marle]

Jan 22, 2017 13:31:41 GMT -5 Strawberry said:

OH NO....I was going to comment on this....had paragraphs worth (usually I copy repeatedly so as to make sure I save SOMETHING in case something happens)....and then, I must have hit something with the way I'm sitting....and my window closed out, and it's all lost. ALL OF IT. 

ARGH. I suck. 

I guess I'll have to get back to this later today. ugh. That was probably 20+ minutes of my life. I annoy myself so much sometimes. Frustrating!

This happens so often that I'm surprised browsers haven't fixed the problem by now (by remembering your text or confirming a browser close / back-page action after you've been typing). That's incredibly annoying.

I hope you'll get back to this, Strawberry. I would love to hear your thoughts.

[StarFall]

Aug 21, 2016 13:55:46 GMT -5 marle said:

Do you think that your appearance has affected your life beyond the romantic/sexual realm? I have been thinking about it more lately, and how it's shaped my experience. By appearance, I of course mean physical looks but also facial expressions and how you dress.

I'm not conventionally attractive (that's the P.C.-way of putting it). One of the ways I notice my experience is different is more gender-specific. I hear all these accounts of women feeling sexually harassed, judged more on their looks, befriending men who turn out only to be interested in sex, etc. These accounts largely don't match my experience. I presume this is mostly due to not being pretty, and to a lesser extent my lack of smiling, introversion, type of companies I work for and other factors. I will say that I appreciate this silver lining. I have a nerdy occupation, too, and get feedback about my accomplishments on the basis of competence. I also think there is a silver lining to not having a self-image built around your good looks. I don't want to make it sound like I think it's better to be unattractive. Certainly not. Personally, I would choose to be slightly attractive but not in a way that garners too much attention - but I kind of digress.

The other ways it has affected me, I believe, is to allow me to be more isolated. If you are less attractive, fewer people will come up to you and try to start conversations. My introverted self appreciates this to some extent. I also like that when people do speak to me, I don't have to wonder if they are doing so for superficial or sexual reasons. Of course, though, I'm probably missing social opportunities that could have led to something more substantive. Double-edge swords and all.

I don't think I completely explained my thoughts on this well, and will probably have to clarify more later. But I rarely write anything, so I will take the chance and post this. May as well discuss the significance of the "shell" many feel like we are hiding behind.

 I've been meaning to respond to this thread for a while.

To the bolded: I have definitely noticed this in my own life. I can remember a few incidences of sexual harassment, mostly by drunk guys in bars, but nowhere near what other women have experienced.

The one thing I have noticed is that being, as you say, not conventionally attractive, I seem to get a lot more harassment of a nonsexual nature than a conventionally pretty person does.
It seems to me that people want to please pretty people. They go out of their way to be nice to them and generally don't want to piss them off. From what I've noticed, people are less likely to be rude to a pretty person.
The opposite also seems to be true. People have no compunction about being rude to someone they don't find attractive and I've been on the receiving end of a lot of that throughout my life.
Of course I know that any rudeness, harassment, or teasing directed toward me is not always about looks and I know that prettier people do get the receiving end of the same crap at times; I just feel it happens on a more noticeable basis to me than others.

One difficult lesson I've had to learn in my own life is not to trust (for lack of better term) nice, friendly guys. Just because a guy is friendly and nice to me, it does not mean he's interested in me. He's probably just as friendly with everyone. It took me several unrequited crushes before I figured that out. Now I wonder how pretty people tease apart who is interested versus who is just being friendly? Maybe for them, everyone is interested? For me, there are just rude or friendly people, no interested ones, haha!

I agree with the downsides you mentioned for not being conventionally attractive. One downside I have experienced is people constantly telling me to smile, or asking why I'm sad (when I'm not), or telling me I look tired (when I'm not). I've thought about responding with "If I had a dime for every time someone told me that, I'd be able to afford the face lift I apparently need". Or I could just have a tip jar that says "Donate to Starfall's facelift fund" or something like that.


Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that you articulated many of the same thoughts, feelings, and experiences I have had in my own life.


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[Outcast]

I think appearance does affect or influence everyone's lives whether we like it or not.

I think it's more or less a subconscious act of our brains/minds to do such things. To try and take cues from our environment, to more or less judge the environment if it's safe or if there's any immediate danger? Hehe.

This site explains it a bit more. Our subconscious mind

In all our perceptions, from vision to hearing, to the pictures we build of people’s character, our unconscious mind starts from whatever objective data is available to us – usually spotty – and helps to shape and construct the more complete picture we consciously perceive. In order to offer us this more complete picture, our unconscious employs clever tricks and educated guessing to fill in some blanks. In our perception of people, and their perceptions of us, the hidden, subliminal mind takes limited data, and creates a picture that seems clear and real, but is actually built largely on unconscious inferences that are made employing factors such as a person’s body language, voice, clothing, appearance, and social category.

I think that's also how magicians play tricks with our eyes and minds.




Here are other sites that explain how our appearance can influence our self esteem and how society and the media plays a role in it as well.

Self Esteem and Body Image

Body Image and Self Esteem

Body Image, Self Esteem and the Influence of Society


While this other one is a research on how appearances may have a role in influencing our personalities as well.

How physical appearance affects personality

Personally i think some of it could be true. That's why most good looking people tend to be more confident and the others have a tendency to be more aggressive? Or less  considerate? I suppose? I know there a few more websites i've checked in the past that have stated this too. But i can't find them right now.