I can't stand the shyness

[aurumgold]

  I've been shy pretty much my whole life, but until grade 6, I couldn't stand being shy. I always have problems like when someone that I don't usually talk with, not in my friend group talks to me my face always feels like it's burning and my voice deepens which makes me sound even less social than I actually am, and I keep the conversation very short and it gets so awkward. As being shy and non-talkative, I never would get in trouble with a teacher at school, but when I do I think about it all day and even weeks possibly and I envy those who can just "brush-off" the thought of getting in trouble. I rarely work with a partner on worksheets, so there is no reason for me to actually get in trouble, but in one of my options I only have one friend, when when I actually talk to her the teacher accuses me of "not working" when the same amount is being produced whether I'm working alone or not, which irritates me   that I can't even have a friend without the teacher complaining that we aren't working when we are. Another of my problems are hearing my name. When I hear someone who I don't really talk to is saying my name, I literally freeze and then have so many thoughts like why they are saying my name, what have I done or did I do something embarrassing for them to talk about me? I over think it and these things bother me for weeks thinking what I've done wrong that they say my name or laugh. Again, I envy those who don't care and can forget it even happened in minutes. I spend so much time overthinking if people like me, or if I did something wrong which I find weird because it's really impossible that I've done something considering I never really talk, so it's not like I could of said something which makes me overthink. I wish I could overcome my shyness because I am fairly sick a this point that my face always feels hot when I talk to someone who I'm not friends with, or thinking so much and feeling so sad if someone says something about me, and it's not even something important. Even when someone laughed at my friend for no reason, my stomach turned even thought it wasn't directed at me. The way to forget this is to do my school work and talk with my friends, but at home I have so much time to think of what happened and even distracting myself with being busy doesn't work, because I am generally not a busy person, I finish my homework quite fast and I have no after school activities so there isn't a way to try to forget about it. Clearly the most obvious way to overcome this is to be more social, and raise my hand in class but at this point they know me and would find it strange that I would be talking in class, which makes them have a reason to talk about me. Now I am in grade 9, I've never actually had this happen often, but sometimes it does and I can't get that thought out, and especially going to school wondering if they will forget that they talked about me or if they will still do it. This shyness bothers me so much and I torture myself by thinking if I've said something wrong, or done something embarrassing. I'm just wondering if there is something I can do to help me not overthink things and brush things off and just forget them like some other people can do.      

[Scotty]

Hello Aurumgold, welcome to SU!

Overthinking is certainly a common problem for people who are shy or have social anxiety, so know that you are not alone. The best advice that I can give is to keep in mind that everyone has their own life to live and that they are most likely not as focused on you as you may worry they are.

Start raising your hand in class! Sure someone might comment on it, but you need to ignore that and concentrate on your own actions. The more you talk in class, the less people will think it's strange. I know this can be a scary thought, as I remember what it was like in school. However the more you do something the easier it gets. This can be especially true of being more social, or trying not to overthink.

I hope this helps! Please keep us updated, we would love to hear if you make any progress.

[benz]

It's the same thing for me, except i develop this kind of problem in last couple of years and im like 10 years older than you.

It'd be intresting to know your progress and how are you doing now.

Regarding this problem, my solution was meet new people and find new enviroment. About 2 years ago i moved to a new city that i never visited before. Meet new people and make a lot of friends. It worked at first, they didnt know my past and how shy i was. So i was able to 'play a new role', i'm being the guy who always ask & answer everything first, cheerful, comedic, etc. But after about 1.5 years i feel like i'm exhausted of pretending. Slowly i began to know how hard it is pretending being extroverted, someone that im not. And i slowly began to show up my real personality (silent, quiet, anxious) to a lot of my friends. And these new friends began to treat me as a weirdo (just like most people in my old city). So here i am now, back to the initial situatuion.

If i have some advice, my advice is.. just accept it. Be yourself. Never try to be someone else. The world of extroverted people is full of pretending and lies. If you have a close friend, tell him/her your problem too. Be open to the closest one. And if you cant, find something like this forum. I believe it helps you feels better.

Cheers