Diary

[matthewtheshyperson]

Sept 6, 2018 22:20:01 GMT -5 ShyBorg said:

School must be in by now, how has that been going for you?

Yes! I went back last Wednesday.

Unfortunately it was true and the whole year had been changed and I know literally no one. So it's been very awkward so far, I know nobody's name and I'm too nervous to speak to whoever sits next to me. At least I've been able to take my GCSE lessons I chose last year now,they seem alright, but again the new classes just put me off, I feel like I just need to find anyone who I know and that will talk to me. Apart from that there's not really been any other issues so far.

So it's ok, but at the same time I hate it, idk it's too early to judge. I'll just try to walk in on Monday with an open mind I guess.

[ShyBorg]

That’s too bad. 🙁
Tell you what though, I’ve been doing some research on how to make friends, so you can look forward to a post about that. 😉 (Or you can search it yourself, doesn’t matter.)
For now, I guess you’ll just have to put yourself out there and talk to the kids in your class.
Just don’t be nervous about being nervous, because if you’re shy it’s normal to be nervous talking to people. You just have to work up enough courage to do it anyway.
Maybe you could join some school clubs as well? That might make it easier to make some friends.

By the way, what does GCSE stand for?

[matthewtheshyperson]

Sept 9, 2018 21:34:35 GMT -5 ShyBorg said:

That’s too bad. 🙁
Tell you what though, I’ve been doing some research on how to make friends, so you can look forward to a post about that. 😉 (Or you can search it yourself, doesn’t matter.)
For now, I guess you’ll just have to put yourself out there and talk to the kids in your class.
Just don’t be nervous about being nervous, because if you’re shy it’s normal to be nervous talking to people. You just have to work up enough courage to do it anyway.
Maybe you could join some school clubs as well? That might make it easier to make some friends.

By the way, what does GCSE stand for?

Thank you I'll look forward to this post!

I just realy find it hard to put myself out there, maybe after a few weeks I'll feel comfortable (probably too late then maybe?), but for now although it sounds silly, I just feel like I'm physically unable to talk sometimes. Still not as bad as when I used to not even be able to say a word when I was asked something by a teacher unexpectedly.

I have not a clue what GCSE stands for tbh, but they're really big tests at the end of high school (or secondary school for almost the rest of the UK) in the UK. You're tested on Scinece, Maths,English and then 4 other subjects you pick (and learn over a 2 year course). They'll decide whether you get accepted into university and even getting jobs in alot of casses. So there's a high pressure to do well.

[matthewtheshyperson]

I though I posted on here a month ago, but apparently not.

Anyway, I've been back at school for nearly 4 months now and at the start my worries were kind of true, with everything being changed over. It was pretty nerve wracking as I only knew people in a few of my classes. I tried my best to be 'social', but it kind of failed as I just couldn't say anything. Some people made it clear they weren't gonna talk, however a few really made an effort to do so which I really appreciated.

Going to now, things are fine I know who alot of the people are now in my part of the year and I'm studying the subjects I chose for GCSE.

Short side track, but I wasn't actually happy with one of the subjects I chose (psychology) and wanted to change it for ages, but because I was so nervous I didn't email the head of my year (grade for those in the USA) to sort out until yesterday, which means I have left it a little too long. Anyway, she saw me today and said to see her at the start of the day tomorrow (litteraly all she said) so I've now spent all night feeling nervous about this probably 5 minutes meeting tommrow. I'm sure it'll be fine, but what if she is angry with me or wants me to tell my psychology teacher than I don't want to take her classes any more. I have no idea what will happen.

Anyway, yeah update on my life I guess lol.

[Outcast]

Nov 20, 2018 18:19:21 GMT -5 matthewtheshyperson said:

I though I posted on here a month ago, but apparently not.

Anyway, I've been back at school for nearly 4 months now and at the start my worries were kind of true, with everything being changed over. It was pretty nerve wracking as I only knew people in a few of my classes. I tried my best to be 'social', but it kind of failed as I just couldn't say anything. Some people made it clear they weren't gonna talk, however a few really made an effort to do so which I really appreciated.

Going to now, things are fine I know who alot of the people are now in my part of the year and I'm studying the subjects I chose for GCSE.

Short side track, but I wasn't actually happy with one of the subjects I chose (psychology) and wanted to change it for ages, but because I was so nervous I didn't email the head of my year (grade for those in the USA) to sort out until yesterday, which means I have left it a little too long. Anyway, she saw me today and said to see her at the start of the day tomorrow (litteraly all she said) so I've now spent all night feeling nervous about this probably 5 minutes meeting tommrow. I'm sure it'll be fine, but what if she is angry with me or wants me to tell my psychology teacher than I don't want to take her classes any more. I have no idea what will happen.

Anyway, yeah update on my life I guess lol.

I think its good that you are getting to know more people now in your school.

I don't know why you are worried about your meeting with the head of your year? Why would she be angry at you? Because you didn't tell her that you wanted to change one of your subjects? But since you are really unhappy with the subject, wouldn't it be best to just inform them right now so you can change it as soon as possible? I think you were planning to do it sooner or later anyway. The head of your year will just be helping you get it over with if she asks you to tell your psychology teacher that you want to change this subject your taking with her.

Well, that's just my opinion and how i see the situation you were talking about. Maybe wrong though.

[matthewtheshyperson]

Thanks for your reply Outcast, I guess it was kind of silly to think she'd be angry.

Anyway, I went this morning and she told me that It was too late to change, which was fair enough. She then along with another teacher that was in the office decided to try and get to the bottom of why I wanted to change in the first place, which was simply because I wasn't really enjoying it and would of rather picked drama. They then literally said they were gonna email my psychology teacher and tell her that I wasn't enjoying it and to try and make some sort of arrangement to interest me or something. I know they're only trying to help me out as I can't change (which I totally could of as other people taking the course said that they've only done one play script and only started to write notes), but this is kind of awkward as my psychology teacher now knows that I don't like her lessons and it's just gonna be stupid and impractical for me to do something else. I'd rather just stick out and do the normal lessons, but I've gotta get myself out of this first. I tried to talk them out of it, but the other lady just kept telling the head of year that they should.

Anyway sorry if that seemed a little dramatic, but I'll update you all on how my next psychology lesson goes tommorow.

[CharlotteGirl]

Nov 20, 2018 18:19:21 GMT -5 matthewtheshyperson said:

I though I posted on here a month ago, but apparently not.

Anyway, I've been back at school for nearly 4 months now and at the start my worries were kind of true, with everything being changed over. It was pretty nerve wracking as I only knew people in a few of my classes. I tried my best to be 'social', but it kind of failed as I just couldn't say anything. Some people made it clear they weren't gonna talk, however a few really made an effort to do so which I really appreciated.

Going to now, things are fine I know who alot of the people are now in my part of the year and I'm studying the subjects I chose for GCSE.

Short side track, but I wasn't actually happy with one of the subjects I chose (psychology) and wanted to change it for ages, but because I was so nervous I didn't email the head of my year (grade for those in the USA) to sort out until yesterday, which means I have left it a little too long. Anyway, she saw me today and said to see her at the start of the day tomorrow (litteraly all she said) so I've now spent all night feeling nervous about this probably 5 minutes meeting tommrow. I'm sure it'll be fine, but what if she is angry with me or wants me to tell my psychology teacher than I don't want to take her classes any more. I have no idea what will happen.

Anyway, yeah update on my life I guess lol.I can't really imagine what it must be to like to be at such a huge comprehensive school, because I went to a small boarding school. Not necessarily good at all, but surely very different in various ways. Anyway I don't want to be a smartarse but GCSE stands for General Certificate of Secondary Education. They do them in all of the UK except Scotland (though some private schools there probably do GCSEs, mine did not). I did the Scottish Standard Grades there, but they have been replaced by something with a different name. The university entrance exams are still called Highers I think.
Maybe it's changed but aren't A levels more important than GCSEs in getting into uni? I think Secondary School and High School are both used throughout the UK, but maybe American influence is making the latter more common. Your diary is interesting, but it doesn't sound like there are too many really nasty kids in your school?

[matthewtheshyperson]

Nov 22, 2018 16:35:02 GMT -5 CharlotteGirl said:

Nov 20, 2018 18:19:21 GMT -5 matthewtheshyperson said:

I though I posted on here a month ago, but apparently not.

Anyway, I've been back at school for nearly 4 months now and at the start my worries were kind of true, with everything being changed over. It was pretty nerve wracking as I only knew people in a few of my classes. I tried my best to be 'social', but it kind of failed as I just couldn't say anything. Some people made it clear they weren't gonna talk, however a few really made an effort to do so which I really appreciated.

Going to now, things are fine I know who alot of the people are now in my part of the year and I'm studying the subjects I chose for GCSE.

Short side track, but I wasn't actually happy with one of the subjects I chose (psychology) and wanted to change it for ages, but because I was so nervous I didn't email the head of my year (grade for those in the USA) to sort out until yesterday, which means I have left it a little too long. Anyway, she saw me today and said to see her at the start of the day tomorrow (litteraly all she said) so I've now spent all night feeling nervous about this probably 5 minutes meeting tommrow. I'm sure it'll be fine, but what if she is angry with me or wants me to tell my psychology teacher than I don't want to take her classes any more. I have no idea what will happen.

Anyway, yeah update on my life I guess lol.I can't really imagine what it must be to like to be at such a huge comprehensive school, because I went to a small boarding school. Not necessarily good at all, but surely very different in various ways. Anyway I don't want to be a smartarse but GCSE stands for General Certificate of Secondary Education. They do them in all of the UK except Scotland (though some private schools there probably do GCSEs, mine did not). I did the Scottish Standard Grades there, but they have been replaced by something with a different name. The university entrance exams are still called Highers I think.
Maybe it's changed but aren't A levels more important than GCSEs in getting into uni? I think Secondary School and High School are both used throughout the UK, but maybe American influence is making the latter more common. Your diary is interesting, but it doesn't sound like there are too many really nasty kids in your school?

It's pretty crazy going to a huge school, there's over 1,700 students at my school and it's impossible to know everyone in your own year. I'd imagine with a boarding school you'd probably get a better education.

I believe that GCSEs are mainly used for entering college or sixth form for a start (idk about anywhere else but you have to be in education until 18 in England) or if you go strait to an apprentiship. My school's sixth form has a minimum entery requirement of at least 6 GCSEs with at least a grade 4 or higher (C in the old system I think). Then you take A levels or Btec depending on where you go and I think that's when a university will tell you the grades they want you to achieve to get in (I think that's how it works). So there's alot of pressure. School leads you to believe that it'll be the end of the world if you do bad in GCSEs, but it's probably not as bad as they say.

Most schools in England are on what is called a 2 tier system when you go to 2 different schools (Primary and Secondary) then there's about only 2 countys left where it's a 3 tier system (Lower, Middle and Upper) one of which happens to be the county I live in.

There's plenty of nasty kids in my school let me assure you. For a start most of the boys just act like wankers every minute of the day, I wouldn't say that too many people are targeted, but it does happen and mainly to people who try to express too much 'weirdness'. The girls aren't too bad some are bitches, but most of them are fine. There was an huve incident with someone who was probably already kind of picked on a little bit, but I can't really put it on here as it's too explicit (lets just say he pretended to be someone he wasn't on Instagram). Anyway, nasty things can be said and done to you, but it's normally just a one off, things like being pushed, a joke veing made at your expense. I don't know if that made much sense, but I hope you can kind of get it.

[matthewtheshyperson]

My psychology teacher never mentioned the email so I'm assuming, either they didn't send it or she doesn't care. Either way I don't really mind.

[matthewtheshyperson]

So this week I think stress and anxiety may have caught up with me. But, first I might go back to the start of the week Tuesday.

Everything was going fine, until changing at the end of PE I was what I'm just gonna assume the victim of a joke I guess. Basically one of the biggest twits in the year came up behing me when I was about to change and said, 'I have this really funny picture on my phone' I looked at his phone and it turned out he was on the camera and took a photo of me, and all his friends laughed as the photo was caught at the wrong moment and wasn't very flattering. Anyway, he tried it again to which I just was going to turn around to tell him to f@#ck off, but of course he did the same trick again to which even more people loudly laughed. I know it's my fault for being so guliable, but being laughed at wasn't too nice and it makes me feel uneasy knowing he now has those photos of me on his phone that he can just send to anyone or upload to social media.

Anyway, last night I was feeling pretty paranoid so I ended up taking a nap, which was a huge mistake as I woke up feeling even more tired and a little ill. I mean I think it was just all the stress and stuff just building up over this term just made me feel ill, as group work in psychology today made me get into a nervous sweat and I felt the same for the whole afternoon. I just probably need more sleep and to try and relax, but I find school so stressful and not even for the work, just the social aspect, alot of it makes me feel nervous and stressed. I'm probably being a little dramatic here, but this is the worst I've felt in a while and I just don't want a repeat of last year really.

Anyway, in better news I'm going to adopt a cat from the RSPCA tommorow so I can't wait, yay!

[matthewtheshyperson]

So it's been about 5 months since I last posted on here, time has gone so fats and so much has happened, so I'll list it quickly.

•In April I was lucky enough to go to America, to go and visit Southern California. I went to LA (mainly around anaheim for disney) and then to San Diego both of which were amazing.

•At the start of May I had to sit the first set of mock exams for my GCSEs, the exams themselves were pretty ok, but the scary part was having to complete it in an exam hall with over 300 over people. It was ok once you got used to it, I mean you had to focus so hard on the exam you kind of forgot about everyone else.

•Possibly the scariest part happend last week when I has to do my GCSE spoken language exam. Basically, as part of the English GCSE you have to deliver as presentation by yourself to the entire class, the mark you get is then put on your certificate (sepratley from your overall grade thankfully). It was obviously pretty nerve racking for me to do, but I think because I knew that it would be on my GCSE certificate I just managed to will up the courage to confidently do it. I'm honestly really proud of myself, I've never been able to overcome my fears so well and it's a huge improvement from last year when I just looked at my speech shaking the whole time.

Overall on the whole shyness thing, of course it hasn't gone away, I don't think it ever will, but I just feel lately I've been speaking to others more confidently and tried to join in conversations when I can. I've been doing alot better, and I hope it continues!

[billd1]

matt, you are doing a great job with your diary. It's now going into three months since your last entry. Can we have an update?

[billd1]

Sept 6, 2018 22:20:01 GMT -5 ShyBorg said:

School must be in by now, how has that been going for you?

I've finished the first page of reading the diaries, and I have not skipped over any of the entries but have read every word.

Thanks for posting the diaries matthewtheshyperson, and I will read all of page two later on.