Playing a Role: Is that Helpful?

[Tiff]

Hi there,

I wondered as anyone tried playing a role to get out of their shyness?

I was at work on Friday and I had one of my shyness books and I told the man that I am shy. And he said "Why don't you play a role...be yourself but not..."

I'm not sure what he meant by that. If you're playing a role...doesn't that mean you aren't yourself? Wouldn't you want people to like you for who you are? I know shyness isn't all I am..and believe me I know people would like me a ton (and guys too) if I could just not feel intimidated by some people.

Sometimes I feel when I"m shy I am not myself. I know when I am with my family I'm a little quiet, but I'm very vocal and I laugh and I'm comfortable and secure. But it's like...once I am around people I want to impress..or want them to like me..I get all shy and feel like I want to run and hide.

Have you guys experienced this?

[spitzig]

I know one person who "played the role" of an outgoing person for a long time. He didn't get over the low self-esteem that was the cause of his shyness, though. Eventually, I think he got tired of the role. He might've been happier during the playing of the role and after he was done with it, than he was before the role, though.

But, yeah, I don't know how to "be myself" among people I don't know. To me, it seems like if you're going to play a role, why not try one you might like. That's assuming you don't like the "shy role".

[Twice-Shy]

I think trying to be the complete opposite of what your normal personality is would be tough. Maybe refining your personality so that you sound and act more confident would indeed make you more confident.

[Mildman1]

I remember a job I had in my early 20's when I discovered that the best way for me to be liked was to play the clown. I acted like a total idiot, and seemed to veer between being very quiet and being totally mad, but it seemed to make people laugh. One person there said they didn't know whether I was an introvert or extrovert.
This is not a role I could play now though, and I'm probably a little more comfortable being 'myself'.

[Shane]

Age does make you feel more comfy

[sweetness]

I dont know. I dont think it s fair to yourself. You neglect yourself when you play a role no ?
I think we have to start to accept ourselves as less outgoing, but not accepting that we are shy and insecure. We have to work on not being so insecure and not try to hide our insecurity with a role.
I see myself playing a role a lot times. even with people were i supposed to feel comfortable with like friends. I laugh and try to act totally relaxed. And with people i dont know or dont know well i am totally intimidated. I am so difficult with meeting new people.
I also think my shyness makes me look like i dont want to meet them, i look uninterested, coz i m afraid, i think i have this look on my face, i avoid cute guys too :P
I ve been told a lot of times lately how friendly and pretty young girl i am, so who knows if i wasnt shy what time i would have ?? :o
If you can move on to becoming more secure and comfortable...(by ??? therapy, friends, relaxation,books???) a role is not needed. that s supposed to be the goal i think...

[Mildman1]

I don't regard myself generally as being insecure - I think I am quite well-balanced, and have recently been able to express my emotions much more freely (without embarassment). I used to pretend to myself that I didn't need other people, but know now that I need them at least some of the time in order to be happy, and I'm not embarassed about admitting this anymore ( I suppose before it was a defensive stance).
I am insecure in one way though, and that is socially, and don't like the fact that I don't have the facility to develop relationships anywhere near as easily as most other people.

[Twice-Shy]

'To your own self be true, then nobody can call you false.'

That's aquote from Shakespeare's Hamlet. Polonious is giving his son Laertes some advice.

[glenn milleri gu]

i have tried it. but it did not really work. so i just be who i am. i guess that is the best i can do.

[Twice-Shy]

Part 3 of the free confidence builder course that is advertised on the main SHY United homepage talks about playing roles. It mentions that we should take the best bits from others and use them in us. We should take somebody's self-confidence and gradually 'act' in that way. Overtime the acting will become completely unconscious and will become a part of us. Its may be worth a shot.

[Mildman1]

shane said:

Part 3 of the free confidence builder course that is advertised on the main SHY United homepage talks about playing roles. It mentions that we should take the best bits from others and use them in us. We should take somebody's self-confidence and gradually 'act' in that way. Overtime the acting will become completely unconscious and will become a part of us. Its may be worth a shot.

I am someone who basically likes myself, but have always thought that there are bits of me I'd like to replace with bits of other people, magpie-like.
However, although I'd like to believe that it is possible to do the above, I'm inclined to think that we'll never fully be able to integrate what essentially doesn't originate from our own character. I tend to think it's a bit like going to the gym: everyone has a basic body shape, but you can improve and change it by constantly working on it, but as soon as you stop, you revert to what you were before. In other words, it never becomes entirely natural. However, I would like to think that I am wrong. I saw some research that suggested that due to their horrific experiences during war, the brain patterns of some soldiers actually change i.e. their character changes. Whether this happens with intense positive experiences I don't know, but I'd be interested in finding out.