|
|
Post by Sanity FreeZ0ne on Aug 23, 2003 4:33:29 GMT -5
Hi everyone,  Not sure if anyone would be able to help with this, but i'll post it anyway. I only really have one friend in my life, someone who I've know for a long time and the other day I was walking and bumped into him, and he introduced me to a group of friends of his. It felt great to be with this group of people, but it felt really bad at the same time because I just had NOTHING at all to say. (apart from when we became a bit drunk later on  ). But I problem is just that I never have anything to say to people... I mean there is this one other girl that I have met a couple of times this year and I have a feeling that soon shes going to get pretty fed up with not having anything to say apart from the "how are you?" and "what have you doing lately?" Well, if anyone has any advice in how I might be able to get into conversation better it would be most appricated.. |
|
|
|
Post by Twice-Shy on Aug 23, 2003 6:41:29 GMT -5
That really is one of the most painful things about being shy. It really can be soul detroying at times. A lot of it is down to self confidence and self esteem. On good days, I feel that I could master the universe. On bad days, I hardly speak to more than a few words.
What I have found is that when I talk about something that I am passionate or knowlegable, I feel an inherent confidence when I talk about that subject. To use an example: I love football and I could literally talk all day about it. Then when I go out with friends I would say something like: 'did you see the match last night.' That would start the ball rolling.
I also find that making a good start is brilliant for the old confidence. When you out with your friends, make a few light hearted comments along with the others. For example, if a good looking girl / boy walls past and everybody comments on his good looks, you do it as well. A good start helps build confidence.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sanity FreeZ0ne on Aug 23, 2003 14:23:43 GMT -5
Thanks for the response, I think your right about it coming down to self confidnce. I think I just need to stop caring so much what the people around are thinking and try and act as natural as i can. I can remember at one time shortly after I started seconday school that I was able to start talking with people more and make friends. Then I started getting bullied and think things went downhill from there as I became a social outcast allthough during the end of school there were the chanes to turn things around I guess, and I'm really regret not making the most of those chances...but I guess I'm just hopeing with time that I can fit back into social conversations/groups...
anyway ill stop babbling now...
|
|
|
|
Post by Twice-Shy on Aug 24, 2003 5:11:57 GMT -5
That is one of our great faults: caring too much about what others think.
|
|
|
|
Post by Naptaq on Aug 26, 2003 8:15:08 GMT -5
yep that's so true shane... yea i loke foty too so when some important mach is up the next day is like.."dude did u see that game. I mean what a gol he scored..."..etc lol. but sometimes though someone that i don't speak often about talk about foty, and i wanna share my opinion, but sometimes i just can't...even in other things...
u know im hearing it im disegrieng i wanna do that loud but i just can't...my mouth won't open and there is nothing coming out of me..not a sound nothing um sometimes i just shake my head and that's all..
|
|
|
|
Post by Tyrone on Aug 31, 2003 13:45:58 GMT -5
I'm like this. I find keeping myself busy and active helps the most.
|
|
|
|
Post by Twice-Shy on Sept 1, 2003 9:43:16 GMT -5
I hate not being busy. If my mind is active then I can just get on with things. When I don't have something to fill that void the demons come quickly.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sanity FreeZ0ne on Sept 1, 2003 12:53:22 GMT -5
This is very true, I hate having nothing to do, thats when depression usually works its way in.
|
|
|
|
Post by ASolitarySoul on Sept 9, 2003 22:12:50 GMT -5
Hi everyone, Not sure if anyone would be able to help with this, but i'll post it anyway. I only really have one friend in my life, someone who I've know for a long time and the other day I was walking and bumped into him, and he introduced me to a group of friends of his. It felt great to be with this group of people, but it felt really bad at the same time because I just had NOTHING at all to say. (apart from when we became a bit drunk later on ). But I problem is just that I never have anything to say to people... I mean there is this one other girl that I have met a couple of times this year and I have a feeling that soon shes going to get pretty fed up with not having anything to say apart from the "how are you?" and "what have you doing lately?" Well, if anyone has any advice in how I might be able to get into conversation better it would be most appricated.. A LOT of it depends on the social circles that you get into. If you don’t know anything about modern art, you would look like a fool if you started hanging with art patrons. Figure out what you are interested in and join groups that share that interest - there are groups for just about everything these days. Solitary Soul All about me -> users3.ev1.net/~solitarysoul/----------------------------------------------------- |
|
|
|
Post by From tendershell on Sept 20, 2003 18:15:30 GMT -5
I must say that I feel this is the hardest thing about being shy . There are books you can buy at your bookstore which give you tips about how the make small talk with others. The best advice which I have read and aplied is"focus your attention on the other person". For instance comment about an interesting piece of jewerly they are wearing or outfit or anything else that may give clue about what they are interested in. Other techniques which worked for me is to listen carefully to what they are saying and ideas for questions to ask them usual come to you. Keeping in mind a few topics which are safe to talk about such as the work that they do or what you have just read in the newspaper that is not of a controversial nature can open up the convesation as well. Hope you find these tips helpful. They have help me confront small talk.
|
|
shyla
New Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by shyla on Dec 7, 2003 6:32:29 GMT -5
Someone told me once that people like talking about themselves. So to start a conversation ask lots of questions. They'll talk alot, and take the pressure off you to think of something to say. It's worth trying. People are more interested if you appear interested in them (not that you're not, but asking questions shows them that you are interested in what's going on in thier life) Pretty soon you'll find a common interest, and the talking will eventually become more natural. Someone also advised me when I got a job working directly with the public (which terrified me). She advised me to "Fake It" I told her I couldn't fake smiling. It felt too phoney. She said to "fake it till I make it". In other words force myself to smile and make idle conversation even if I think it sounds phoney or stupid. People do respond, and eventually your fake smile becomes genuine, and your conversation becomes more natural. I tried it, and even though my shyness did limit me still to a degree, it worked! The fear, and even shaking for me subsided. And now even if my hand shakes a bit, and someone notices and asks why, I'm not as ashamed or embarrassed to tell them, I'm just a bit shy. I try not to beat myself up about it as much. Oh, I've rambled alot (talking about myself). I hope this message is helpful to you. |
|
|
|
Post by CaryGrant on Dec 7, 2003 11:29:52 GMT -5
As this is the second post I've read today on this topic, I'll post this:
From Shyness: A Bold New Approach, by Bernardo Carducci (he also has an entire book on small talk) - How confident people make small talk:
1. Setting talk: Brief, consists of remarks about surroundings. Eg: "It's stuffy in here," or "Comfortable seats, eh?"
2. Name exchange
3. Pretopical sequence: Fish around for topics of common interest. Eg: "What's your profession?" or "How do you know our host?" Topics should be relevant to the situation and sensitive to the other person. Open ended questions work well.
4. Taking turns
5. Banishing silences: Fill gaps with open-ended questions related to the other person's interests.
6. Self-disclosure: Match the other person's level of personal disclosure.
|
|
).
