Group projects

[MrSultry]

Hi, I am a newbie here. This is my first post



I have the problem of being a student attending university (or college as you yanks call it) and throughout the 3 years that I have been going, I have only briefly spoken to other students apart from one other student that I knew from school and was already friends with....he is not in my class though. This year I was moved into a different year as I chose not to take the industrial placement offered on my course and so I don't know anyone. I am also extremely shy and I get a horrible feeling in my stomach whenever someone mentions group projects


Anyway....I found out that there is a group project this semester. There was a class where the groups were assigned, and I did not go to this as on top of the group aspect the project looked like a nightmarish amount of work, and the combination of the two made me decide that I wasnt going to attend and would simply resit it....however I am now getting warnings about my attendance, so I will have to make excuses and explain that I havent been allocated a group (out of my class full of strangers) and presumably be put into a group that has already had several weeks to work on the project.

The main problem is that on top of a vocal presentation at the end of the semester, the students in the group are expected to take it turn about at being the "chairperson" where they will have to direct a meeting with the other students in the group and a lot of communication is involved....I am almost in a state of panic as I will be expected to start attending this class soon....does anyone have any advice/sympathy....?

I should also add that throughout my whole time at university I have been skipping classes that involve group projects and only managed to pass by taking the resit and doing the project in the summer as an individual....but it seems that this is not an option now. It's really rather pathetic


[edit] additionally, I have the problem that when confronted with group situations like this I usually just stare at the floor/wall and look moody, and I don't look like a shy person....which gives people the impression that I am just an a**hole


I don't want to seem rude but I have read other posts and I must be blunt....I dont want to hear you talking about YOUR problems, I want to see if you have anything that could make me feel better or help me with mine. The general pattern on this board seems to be that some poor fellow/girl asks for help and the next post is someone telling them about how *they* overcame *their* shyness which is completely useless. I hope that didn't upset you though

Sorry for the long post

It would be good to hear from fellow social retards on a subject like this....

[MrSultry]

thanks for the support guys

[shushyou]

I'm not very good with advice, but I guess I'll try and give some. I know how hard it is to do group work, and having to be the chairman for a while probably compounds this. However you are doing a project on a subject you presumably know a lot about. If the social aspect of it scares you, you don't have to make friends with the people in your group if you don't want to, you just have to work with them. I know sometimes its hard to know what to say in group situations, but you know your subject, you must have ideas and opinions about it. All you need to do is contribute your ideas. You could even write them down before hand to help you out. When you are chairman of the group just ask for the other people's ideas. If you are worried that you'll stare at the wall or seem moody, try and keep yourself busy when you aren't talking yourself. Actively listen to the other members of the group. If you get into the group discussion you'll probably find you won't look moody or anything because you'll be so engrossed in the discussion, you won't have time to. Thats the theory anyway As for the vocal presentation, those are really hard, even for people who aren't shy, all I can say is prepare yourself for it as well as you can. If you know exactly what you're going to say, then thats half the battle. Practice in front of a mirror probably helps as well. I don't know if any of that helps you, I'm really not good at giving advice, but good luck with it nontheless.

[Naptaq]

clasical question: what do i do in a situation where im very shy and s-h-i-t?
typal anwser: keep yourself busy.
well hell yea we do so ain't that right MrSultry? we stare at the floor and some other tricks. well the problem is that they're not very efective all the time. you see a floor ain't so interesting as conversetion (well i may be wrong MrSoutry) so we think about this situation and we at the same time try to avoid it.. maybe avoid eye contact, being asked somethin or stuff like that.
so the real s-h-i-t is like this: we do anythin else but not comunicate as it would be the best but yet it's almost like..when you say somethin wrong (evev though nobody says somethin) u fell rejected humiliated and stuff like that..
now as i wrote this i know that i didn't say nothin i ain't nothin and maybe never be nothin.. never be better like now. totaly screwed up.
i agree MrSultry we are as we speek a**holes. well that's at least what people think of you. so if 10 people think your an a**hole and your the only one that knows your not, that ain't nothin. u don't need a judge in that case. no court or that kida stuff. your guilty. "we conict you as an a**hole". people see what they see. there ain't no time for a friendly talk, hell no. they see ya and they judge ya, and it's very hard to get rid of that reputation. well you can try with other people but you will fail..it's like a neverending circle.
is it anyone there to stop it? maybe it is..u can gues only once..or twice.. i dunno exactly.
i apologice for s-h-i-t i said, ..like you care right.
so pathetic we are (go master Joda). infact i don't even like master Jodaso much but i bet you though i like him.. well i don't like him. now what do you think now? confused are you? but if i say again "let the force be with you" you'll definetly think that i love star wars. i don't realy actualy.. so here's the catch. the first contacts with people are the most easy times to screw things up or if you have a good day maybe even make a "friend".
and sorry MrSulty, i didn't anwser your question..maybe i did. you tell me
whatever
toodles

enough said

[inkysoftwhispers]

I can imagine it would be very difficult being moved into a different year. And to be a chairperson.. i'd be terrified. But maybe you could confide in your tutor,explain why you've been skipping. They're there to help.

shyintests idea of asking the others what they think is great. work your ass off before so you know what's being discussed and then just try to set the ball rolling. Erm, naptaq, staring at the floor isn't keeping yourself busy! Take notes or something, i dunno..but do watch the others and try to look interested..

If you keep skipping you're just avoiding the problem for the rest of yor life and so you can never improve. face up to it..good luck

And i think the reason some of us go into personal accounts of how we overcame a problem or something is because it's such a relief finding people who have the same problems and reading their stories, that we might think they may find some comfort in ours.

And also, we're not social retards.

[MrSultryNotLoggedIn]

We are all social retards, otherwise we'd be out having social lives instead of whining here There's no point in being delusional or babying each other, if there's one thing that won't help its denial/pussyfooting


I went last week and it was ok....I don't have to make friends with anyone, I just have to use them to get this subject passed

[inkysoftwhispers]

Haaay i do have a social life. Just because we're not as confident socially as most people doesn't make us retards..

And babying each other? maybe you mean being friendly and supporting each other...hmm a concept you might not be familiar with

Y'know you'll never get anywhere if you don't even try to make friends with people.
you get what you give an all that

[MrSultryStillNotLoggedIn]

inkysoftwhispers said:

Haaay i do have a social life. Just because we're not as confident socially as most people doesn't make us retards..

Socially we are all retarded....to put it bluntly

inkysoftwhispers said:

And babying each other? maybe you mean being friendly and supporting each other...hmm a concept you might not be familiar with

I mean playing down our problems and using euphamisms and all this "You are beautiful inside" kind of PC fairytale crap. We are here because we suck at the social side of life, imo shyness is pretty much a disability and nothing will be achieved with the "You are a beautiful unique snowflake" approach, however cliched that may be

inkysoftwhispers said:

Y'know you'll never get anywhere if you don't even try to make friends with people.
you get what you give an all that

I could go into an elaborate rant filling about 6 pages with why I don't want these people as friends....I am sure where you live is different to where I live, and suffice to say that I find 75% of people stupid and one dimensional....I don't watch football and I don't spend my entire waking day bragging or reminding everyone that I like beer or making primitive fart jokes like some moronic ape....certain types of people and me just don't mix....my friends are people who are like me, and there aren't a whole lot of people like that

[inkysoftwhispers]

You foooool!

[Naptaq]

"my friends are people who are like me, and there aren't a whole lot of people like that"
MrSoultry now isn't that sweet, you don't have much friends do ya? well yea I dig that but all the other stuff? it dosent make sense.. like when you said we're all social retards.. man can't you comunicate with people.. it's just like sayin we're anamals.. go with your monkeys i don't care..
that's bull what you wrote and if you don't dig that....you fool.
i gues im not making things any better... hell yes im a fool mayself.... fuc_king social retard.... i ain't beutifull inside..if you could see me inside you'd see how ugly, stupid and retardet am i..... you'll see that i hate this world, hate people and that im a selfish pig that dosen't deserve a mom and dad..
"please shut the fu_ck up"
"u wanna peace of me?"
yea i do actualy i would love to end this miserable world and to stop me from being this damn stupid.. i don't even deserve a miror to look at... im a dam_n monkey.. send to this world to eat to be fat..
"one anwser for you"
"what?"
"self termination"

[johnadams]

Jesus, let's not all baby and support one another at once!

[GodHAMMER]

Guest-MrSultryStillNotLoggedIn said:

I am sure where you live is different to where I live, and suffice to say that I find 75% of people stupid and one dimensional....I don't watch football and I don't spend my entire waking day bragging or reminding everyone that I like beer or making primitive fart jokes like some moronic ape....certain types of people and me just don't mix....my friends are people who are like me, and there aren't a whole lot of people like that

I will fully agree with you on this. This a perfect description of what some people really are.

You have the right to be a loner if you want. I also want to be a loner. It's my freedom of choice what counts.

But we are not "socially retarded" as you said. I don't believe so. In my case, it's not my fault not having many friends. It's peoples' fault for being so vain and superficial. I think they don't deserve my friendship.

Now I gotta learn to live my life on my own. It's not impossible. But being a loner means learning to do everything by myself. So if I need someone else to cook my meals or clean my house (for example) now it's time to do something about it.
Greetings.

[spitzig]

I think I'm a social retard.

[Naptaq]

hey spitzig don't say you'r a social retard.. it sounds to rough... i prefer "beeing nervius in some social situations"

[MrSultryNotLoggedInBaby]

There you go with the babying....