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[SADdaydreamer]

mr sultry: my best advice to you is just like whispers said... get off your ass! Believe me, I know it's hard. I just had to read in front of my class a week ago, and I thought I envisioned myself passing out from a panick attack in front of the class while the kind of people who you so adequetly described snicker with their friend. But instead of letting my fear get the best of my I pushed through and persevered. I was sweating bullets, and my face was probably as red as a tomatoe, on top of stammering through the speech while worrying about how dumb I must look and sound. But I was damn proud of myself afterwards, it shows I have the strength to look fear in the face and let it pass. The bottom line is I don't have anxiety now, and that brief moment of embarassment won't mean shit 1 year from now. Maybe a year from now my face will be a lighter, less noticeable shade of red if I have to deal with a similar situation. I just started reading a book on SAD and suggest you do the same. You will be amazed how much you learn about yourself and your fear. As far as the social retard thing you guys have been talking about I think we can all relate to some extent. Who hasn't felt inferior amongst a group of people whom socialization comes so naturally? It can definitely make you feel alienated, but one thing you need to know is that letting your demons belittle you will only set you farther back. If you listen to you inner thoughts and write them down you will be amazed all the shit that you tell yourself. I am my own worst enemy, just like Naptaq, and it's amazing I'm alive if you take into consideration the daily torment and anguish relentlessly flowing in my mind. I am just now starting to believe that someday I will be able to turn to volume down on this inner voice, maybe even shut it off for an hour... Anyway I'm babbling, buy a book on SAD and apply it to yourself, you will improve substantially!

[Guest]

social retard = something you can't change, pretty much your nature

being nervous in social situations = a state of being that you can work on and change

Now how does it *improve your life* to think of yourself in the first way?

[Jarous]

MrSultry said:

I don't want to seem rude but I have read other posts and I must be blunt....I dont want to hear you talking about YOUR problems, I want to see if you have anything that could make me feel better or help me with mine. The general pattern on this board seems to be that some poor fellow/girl asks for help and the next post is someone telling them about how *they* overcame *their* shyness which is completely useless. I hope that didn't upset you though

And what else would you have us do? Our problems are largely of the same nature and learning how others coped with them could (and usually does) help you cope with your own. Damn, even finding out there are people with the same kind of problems helps.
Why do you think it's useless to know of other ways how to overcome shyness. Perhaps if you try them out, they will appear less so.
One more thing. No ammount of reading can get you where you want to be. You must get out and TRY to socialise (in this, the experience of other shibies can help ... or you prefer to learn the hard way?).

[Jarous]

Naptaq said:

i agree MrSultry we are as we speek a**holes. well that's at least what people think of you. so if 10 people think your an a**hole and your the only one that knows your not, that ain't nothin. u don't need a judge in that case. no court or that kida stuff. your guilty. "we conict you as an a**hole". people see what they see.

That's only true. I do believe we are to a large extent that which others perceive us to be. I know it may sound as natzistic "A lie repeated 100 times becomes the truth," but who can tell the difference if you keep silent. You are a judge to yourself in this matter. You convict yourself as an a**hole.
There's a school of philosophy dealing with this - the empiricism and fenomenology. Now, I know this is not a philosophy forum, but basicaly they claim what's in your mind is an idea; what's in the minds of many is substantial (true, real). That's incredibly similar to our problem: if you can't tell the world you aren't an a**hole, the truth is: YOU ARE ONE.

[shyness resides in me]

My Sultry,

You need to lighten up and be nice!

You also need to look in the mirror and notice that you are yourself vain and by the sound of it very selfish.